


In The End It's Him and I

by EndoratheWitch



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Batman: The Dark Prince Charming (Comics), Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Non-abusive Joker and Harley Quin, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Revenge, Stabbing, Stockholm Syndrome, Talk Shows, Talking, accused of abuse, angry Harley and Joker, putting things straight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:02:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 43,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23271412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Joker and Harley find out that the public thinks he abuses her.
Relationships: Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel
Comments: 82
Kudos: 197





	1. The Talk Show

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cooki3grabberdemon1992](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cooki3grabberdemon1992/gifts).



It was early in the morning, at least for Harley. 

When she woke up, Joker was curled behind her, one of his legs between hers, and his arm around her waist. She could feel his warm breath making her hair ruffle softly with each soft exhale. She smiled softly keeping her eyes closed, and enjoyed the feel of him against her, his arm around her, the scent of him. It was moments like this that she cherished the most, when all of Joker’s defenses were down and he was completely vulnerable only for her. 

She would like to remain in this warm embrace longer, but her bladder was screaming at her to get up. She moved slowly, not wanting to wake him, gently rolling onto her back. Joker didn’t move, which she thought was good. She started to move and stopped for a moment, turning to look at him with a soft smile. His sharp features were completely relaxed, his green hair curling gently around his head; some of his curls had fallen across his forehead making him look young and vulnerable. She wanted to reach out and stroke his lips, pale without the lipstick, his lashes looked dark against his ghost white skin. 

But she didn't. Instead she eased herself out of his embrace. Joker mumbled in his sleep and Harley stiffened, but he simply rolled onto his back without waking. Harley smiled leaning over and pressed a kiss very gently to his cheek before she sat up and rolled out of the bed. 

Her bare feet only made the barest of sounds as she walked naked across the floor of their dark room to find her bathrobe where it lay on the floor near the foot of the bed where Joker had stripped it off of her before they made love hours earlier. 

She picked the robe up, shivering a little as she pulled it on. She made her way quietly across the floor and slipped out of the room, leaving her puddin sleeping. 

* 

She made her way to their small kitchen where she decided to make herself some hot tea. It was chilly enough that she wondered if Gotham had finally gotten that spring snow that had been in the forecast for the last few days. Harley smiled. She loved Gotham in the snow. She thought it made everything look pure and quiet. Sometimes the quiet was nice. 

She finished making her tea and headed into their small, rumpled looking living room with the circus posters and mismatched furniture and general chaos, but she loved it. She loved her place with him, with her Joker. 

Moving a couple of random, mismatched pillows on the couch (Bob had made them for her, colorful pillows with circus and card themes decorated with spades and diamonds) before she sat down, sinking into the old couch with a sigh. 

It took her a few minutes to find the remote, eventually finding it shoved down in between the cushions of the couch. Harley chuckled. Joker always thought he could hide the remote from her, but she always found it, especially since he didn’t try very hard to hide it. Every time she thought about her puddin, he put a smile on her face. 

She had never in her entire life known someone the way she knew Joker. Yes, part of that was because she had been--and in many ways was still--his doctor. But she knew him because he had opened up to her, at least as much as he could. He didn’t have any memories of who he had been before he was the Joker, only had the occasional nightmare, the random half-memory here and there, but he shared them all with her. He shared his body and his soul with her as completely as he could. 

The only thing he shared with Batman was violence and the knowledge that they both had some shared trauma that made them the way they were. She even understood her puddin’s need to destroy Batman--albeit in a slow, hilariously devious way. 

With a happy sigh, Harley turned on the TV, thinking she might watch some of the morning talk shows, get a big dose of her daily trash TV in while Joker slept. He hated trash TV programs with a passion that she thought was funny and adorable. 

She flipped around a bit before deciding to watch Gotham Daily with Halley Harrleson. 

Halley Harrleson was a local celebrity, having hosted the Gotham Daily show for the last three years. She was pretty, Harley supposed, with her shoulder-length highlighted brown hair and large brown eyes, and she was always dressed in the latest fashion. Today she was wearing a salmon colored shirt, very sharply pointed black heels and a boatneck, sleeveless black top that highlighted her toned arms. Harley sipped her tea as the camera zoomed down on Halley’s smiling face. 

“Hello everyone and welcome to Gotham Daily with me, Halley Harrleson! Today we are going to be talking about abusive men and the women who love them, but not just any women. Today we are going to focus on some famous abusive couples, from Madonna and Sean Penn to Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. We’ll also be discussing some of Gotham’s own famous toxic relationships such as Batman and his rumored relationship with both Talia al Ghul and Catwoman…” 

Harley snickered when she heard that. “...to the infamous Harley Quinn and the Joker…” 

Harley choked and spat her tea everywhere as she screamed at the television. “WHAT???!” 

Halley continued. “Today, my special guest is Dr. Monica Pinel who is an expert on toxic love affairs. We’ll also be discussing the representation of Stockholm Syndrome in famous fairy tales and whether these stories have influenced our society's fascination, and dare I say obsessions, with these unhealthy, toxic relationships…” Harley stared at the screen and her hands around her mug grew so tight that her knuckles turned white and the ceramic groaned in protest as she watched Dr. Monica Pinel--a tall bleached blonde 

with the perfect bobbed haircut, and tanning bed tan--come walking out in a pair of sensible black heels, black pencil skirt, and white blouse. 

Harley’s hatred for both women made her see red. 

Halley shook Dr. Pinel’s hand as the other woman took her seat across from Halley. “It’s so nice to have you here Dr. Pinel.” 

Dr. Pinel smiled. “Please, call me Monica.” 

“So, Monica, first I have to ask if this is true: are you writing a book about Gotham’s most toxic superhero and villain couples?” 

Monica laughed and nodded. “It’s true. I wrote a similar book about Metropolis with a focus on Superman and his strange, toxic relationship with writer Lois Lane, but here in Gotham there are so many famous couples to choose from! I could write an entire book on Mr. Freeze’s unsettling obsession with his dead wife, but my book will be focusing on two of Gotham’s most famous couples, Batman--and while there are many women who love him--my focus will be on his strange lovers’ triangle with Catwoman and Talia al Ghul. But the other half of my book will be dedicated to the toxic relationship between Dr. Harleen Quinzel and the Joker.” 

“Toxic?” Harley yelled at the screen as she sat up, pushing herself to the edge of the couch. 

Halley smiled and nodded. “Interesting. And what makes you call that relationship toxic?” 

“Well, everyone knows that the Joker abuses her,” Monica began, which had Harley literally jerking as if she had been slapped. “What? WHAT?!” she yelled. “He’s never laid a hand on me!” she yelled at the television. 

Monica continued, crossing her legs and looking extremely self-satisfied as she folded her hands around her knees. “The Joker is a very atypical homicidal maniac, but in my professional opinion he has bipolar disorder type 1 and he’s manic, with psychotic features. I would also say he’s antisocial, lacks empathy, he leans toward the grandiose, and loves to be the center of attention. He is highly intelligent, but that also makes him feel that everyone else he encounters is not worth his time. He’s manipulative and lacks impulse control. I might also venture to say he has Histrionic Personality Disorder, an Exhibitionist Type Narcissism with schizoid tendencies. It’s because of these numerous disorders the Joker is simply incapable of forming real, lasting relationships. No one is as important to him as he is to himself.” Monica gave Halley a smug smile and the audience clapped. 

Harley was ready to kill her. No, to kill them both! How dare she talk about her and her puddin’s relationship! They didn’t know the first thing about them, about how much they loved each other and understood each other! That Dr. Pinel didn’t know them at all!! 

“But if that is the case, Monica, why does Harley Quinn…” Halley began, but Monica held up a finger. “Dr. Harleen Quinzel. We shouldn’t forget that Dr. Quinzel was the Joker’s doctor,” Monica said with a smile. “She suffers with her own problems. Dissociative identity disorder, and homicidal tendencies, but her biggest issues would be that while she was the Joker’s doctor, she also became his prisoner in a way, a prisoner to his personality which triggered her dependant personality disorder. That is why she is still with him, which tells us that she has Stockholm Syndrome. A lot of this comes down to Dr. Quinzel having a very weak personality while the Joker…” 

Harley's eyes were wide and she was trembling with rage as she hissed at the screen. “I DO NOT have a weak personality!! You don’t know anything, you hack! You don’t understand…” 

Monica continued, her tone that of the all-knowing, speaking down to a less intelligent audience. “It is clear to anyone with eyes that the abuse is both mental and physical…” 

Halley frowned. “Are you sure? We have all seen multiple images of them kissing, holding hands...and more…” she added with a blush, glancing at her audience who all laughed nervously. 

Monica shook her head. “That affection is all just an act on the Joker’s apart…” 

Harley screamed at the television. “YOU BITCH!” 

* 

Joker rolled over onto his side, reaching out for Harley, his hand landing on her side of the bed, sleepily feeling around for her, but she wasn’t there and the sheets were cold. He hadn’t opened his eyes yet and he frowned, disappointed that he hadn’t found her in bed. 

He stretched sleepily. Something had woken him up, but he was still sleepy enough that he was confused for a moment by what had woken him. He started to drift back off with a frown on his face when he heard a shout. 

“YOU BITCH!” 

Joker’s eyes popped open followed by a frown. Was that Harley? He sat up, running his fingers through his hair groggily. His emerald colored hair was a tousled mess as he looked over to her side of the bed. She was gone, so that must have been her who he heard shout. 

He threw his legs over the side of the bed, scratching his chest. He was naked and the room was a little chilly, especially without Harley in it. 

He had just stood up flipping on the bedside lamp to look for his robe when a scream made him her in surprise followed by the sound of something shattering. 

Joker had just picked up his purple robe from the floor when he froze. What on earth was going on? He hurriedly bundled himself into his robe and rushed out of the room, but not before grabbing his gun off the bedside table. He didn’t know what was happening, but if Harley was upset he was going to shoot whoever it was who had upset her! 

He yanked the door to the room open and rushed out, his gun ready and stopped with his robe open, barefoot, when he saw Harley standing in front of the television. She held her body stiff, her hands balled at her sides. He couldn’t see her face, but her posture showed that she was angry, furious in fact. 

“Harley? Pumpkin? What’s wrong?” Joker asked, looking around ready to kill whoever or whatever had upset Harley, but he saw no one here other than the two of them. 

Turning around to look at him, her expression a mixture of distress and rage, Harley pointed at the television. “PUDDIN!! These...these women are saying you’re abusive to me! They say I have Stockholm Syndrome! They think you hit me and manipulate me!!” 

Joker frowned, looking completely confused. “What? I did what? Who said that?” 

“Them!” Harley pointed again at the screen. 

Joker walked over to her, pulling his robe around him and tightening the belt as he moved over to flop down on the couch with a sigh frowning at the television. “So, ah...those women?” 

Harley nodded and moved to sit down beside him. Joker reached out and laid his hand against her back, feeling the tension in his wife. She was wound tighter than he had ever recalled her being. Harley didn’t get upset often, but when she did... 

On the screen Halley Harrleson smiled at another woman who made Joker think of some of the doctors at Arkham, the ones that always came swooping in with their PhD’s or MD’s and big attitudes like they knew the secrets of the world and everyone else was just simply too stupid to understand. A sneer twisted his lips. He hated those doctors, though they were always the most fun to kill. That moment when they realized just how wrong they were about everything was always the best. The only exception had been Harley. But then again, she hadn’t come waltzing into Arkham thinking she had all the answers; she had come in with plans of her own, but she never talked down to her patients, never tried to be smarter than them, and she had listened, something the other doctors never did. 

She had listened to him. One of the main reasons he had fallen in love with her was that Harley was an excellent listener, and she was also fantastically smart, funny, hot as hell, and...perfect for him. 

On the television Halley smiled at her guest. “So Monica, tell us: what makes Joker and Harley Quinn’s relationship different than say Batman and Catwoman?” 

“Well Halley, Batman and Catwoman are equals. There is no power struggle between them, though I would say the moral battle is quite interesting, but with Joker and Dr. Quinzel, there is a clear imbalance between them. Joker, the abuser, has all the power and he uses that power to control Dr. Quinzel because she is weaker…” 

Harley turned to look at Joker, her eyes wide as she pointed at the television. “SEE!” 

Joker’s blue eyes widened to the point that the whites seemed to dominate. “Abuser? Did...did she just say I’m an abuser??” He looked to Harley for clarification, as if his ears had betrayed him. 

Harley nodded. “That...that so-called doctor says that we’re in an abusive relationship! That you abuse me and that I have Stockholm Syndrome!” she repeated. 

“We’ve never even been to Sweden!!” Joker cried, throwing his hands up in the air. “What is she even talking about?! I’ve never laid a hand on you...no…” He paused and held a finger in the air as a thought occurred to him. “...wait...I have…” He snickered. “...several times, on every part of your body...and I’ve put a couple of fingers in you...and my tongue…” Joker grinned like a bad little boy at her, his blue eyes twinkling as his mind focused on the many, many things they had done to each other for fun. 

Harley was momentarily distracted from her rage, her cheeks red, an involuntary giggle bubbling from her lips. “Puddin, that isn’t what she means…” 

Joker frowned at Harley, tilting his head to the side. “Are you sure? Because I do that a lot...and I like to grab your ta-tas…” He made a grabby motion with his hands. “And I like to grab your ass, and especially your hips.” He stood again and motioned grabbing her hips while thrusting his own, his bathrobe falling open which made the gesture both more lude and more hilarious. 

Harley started laughing. “Puddin! Stop it!” 

Joker stopped with the hip thrusts, shrugging his shoulders with his hands out. “What? That part’s true. I like to put my hands all over you.” 

Harley shook her head, but he had put a smile back on her face. She turned her attention back to the screen as Dr. Pinel spoke while leaning forward toward Halley, the fingers of each of her hands touching. Monica used her hands to gesture at Halley. “Joker needs someone to manipulate and Dr. Quinzel is apparently easy for him to use…” 

“I am not easy!!!” Harley yelled at the screen. 

Joker nodded. “Nope, you’re not! Sometimes I have to work really hard to get you in bed.” 

Harley giggled again, her mood fluctuating between laughing at Joker and being furious at Dr. Pinel. 

Halley stood. “How about we take a few questions from our audience?” 

Dr. Pinel smiled in that condescending way of someone who thinks they were the most intelligent person in the room. Everything about the woman made Harley want to punch that look right off her face. Violence didn’t solve everything, but it sure came close she thought viciously. 

Halley moved into the audience with a microphone and stopped by a young woman with a pink bob of hair who stood. 

“Well Dr. Pinel, do you think Harley Quinn is just another one of the Joker’s victims?” 

Dr. Pinel nodded. “Yes, yes I do. I don’t think she can truly be held responsible for the things she has done because she is simply being eager to please her abuser. She is submissive…” 

“WHAT!!” Harley stood again only to have Joker grab her by the sleeve of her bathrobe and tug her back down to the couch. 

Harley muttered angrily. “Does she think I’m a lemming or something!!! I know perfectly well what I’m doing!! And I do what I like--no one tells me what to do! AND I am not submissive!!!” She sat back, folding her arms angrily across her chest. “Submissive my ass,” she muttered between clenched teeth. 

Joker frowned at the screen, his eyes narrowed. “She thinks I would want a submissive woman? There is no way I would want someone constantly rolling over to me. That would be so utterly boring.” He shook his head. “Besides, you and I are partners! We compliment each other like Abbott and Costello, or Burns and Allen. You make me funnier.” He added with a wink at Harley. 

Harley nodded. His little wink gave her happy butterflies in her stomach. “Exactly! Maybe we’re a little codependent…and what good couple isn’t?” she added under her breath. “... but we’re equals!” 

Joker grinned taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. “Exactly, besides what’s a little codependency between lovers? You are the Bonnie to my Clyde, the chocolate to my peanut butter, the hole to my peg…” 

Harley giggled. “Puddin…” 

Joker wrinkled his nose playfully at her, holding her knuckles to his lips. “I mean, maybe there is some fucked up other world where I would be like that, but I would shoot any version of me that would hurt any version of you, my precious little minx.” He smiled at her and brushed his lips once more against her knuckles. 

The feel of his lips on her hand sent shivers down her arm to spread over her entire body. “You’re waxing philosophical puddin,” Harley said with a smile, but Joker only shrugged. “Well part of what drove me insane, my sweets, was the study of philosophy.” 

Harley giggled at him, but Joker kissed her knuckles again, his tone a little more serious as he added, “Harley, baby, you know it doesn’t really matter what they say. What matters is that we know the truth…” 

Harley shook her head. “I want that to be true, but puddin it does matter! To me it matters.” 

She had started to tell him why when she was distracted by another question from the audience. 

“What about Harley Quinn’s relationship with Poison Ivy?” This was asked by a portly woman who looked like she was missing from a PTA meeting. “Are they more than friends? Some of my friends and I think they might be and we think if they are that Ivy would be a much better relationship for Harley Quinn.” 

Harley choked. 

Dr. Pinel nodded. “Poison Ivy is another dominant figure, another person for Dr. Quinzel to be submissive to…” There was a clear innuendo implied in the doctor's tone. “...but I think ultimately a relationship with Poison Ivy would end much the same way for Dr. Quinzel. She is the type of personality that needs a dominant person over her.” 

Joker blinked in surprise, turning to Harley, an amused smile tugging at his lips. “Is there something you want to tell me pumpkin poo? Are you going vegan on me?” 

Harley groaned, rolling her eyes. “No...Ivy and I are just friends. Just friends. I mean, I love her, but as a friend!” 

Joker chuckled, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. “I know, I’m teasing. Once you go clown you can never go...” He struggled for a moment, then shrugged. “Well, you know what I mean.” 

Another woman in the audience stood up, tall, skinny with dark hair. “Do you think the Joker loves Harley Quinn doctor? Like maybe deep down?” 

Dr. Pinel smiled. “No, no I don’t. He can’t love anyone but himself.” 

Joker sat up straight. “What??? They don’t think I love you???” He gasped dramatically. “But...how can they think that??!” 

Harley’s bottom lip trembled. “See what I mean puddin? This...this doctor is making everyone think I’m just your victim...I...” She sniffed. “I just...I can’t believe they think this about us.” 

Joker frowned, glancing at her and saw the tears slowly running down her cheeks. Her anger had drained away, leaving only a deep hurt behind. That upset him. He didn’t like to see Harley upset, he didn’t like her to be hurt, ever. 

“Harley, why do we care what they think?” Joker asked with a soft smile, picking up the remote at the same time and clicking off the television. That was enough of that nonsense he thought with annoyance. “What matters is that we know what our relationship is, we know that we love each other.” He reached out and stroked her cheek. “You are my friend, my lover, my partner in crime. The one person in all the world that understands the joke…” He smiled. “I never thought I would find someone who would understand, yet here you are and I don’t really care what the rest of Gotham thinks pumpkin. I know and that’s all that matters. I know what you mean to me.” 

Harley leaned into his touch, her smile soft and a little sad. “I know, but...just makes me so angry that all of Gotham thinks I’m just this weak...doll that you play with and that you only use me. That we’re not partners…” 

“But we know we’re partners. Sometimes the world just sees the surface and that is all they care about. They don’t care to probe deeper, they don’t really want to know the truth, that an evil clown can love someone so completely that they would burn Gotham to the ground if it meant saving you.” Joker cooed, gently pulling her closer, his fingers moving to brush her hair over her ear. 

“You are my madness Harley, you are my partner, my muse, my murderous kitten…” He smiled softly, his blue eyes burning into hers “And most importantly, you’re my girl and I’m your clown. We are together, forever, ride or die no matter what the world throws at us.” 

Harley’s chin trembled as she tried to resist crying, but the tears spilled over regardless of her intentions to roll down her cheeks. 

Joker pulled her close, his fingers sliding into her hair. He cupped the back of her head at the same time, kissing away her tears before his lips met hers. Harley sniffed, closing her eyes when their lips met. When his tongue brushed against her lips, Harley opened her mouth to stroke his tongue with hers. She reached up to grasp the cloth of the robe he wore where it lay against his chest. They kissed slowly, tenderly, warmth slowly flooded over her and burning away the anger to be replaced with passion. He reached down with his other hand to brush the robe she wore aside so he could stroke her bare thigh. 

The feel of his hand brushing her bare skin made Harley feel soft, loved, cherished. His fingers were tender, his caress sweet. The couch creaked, the springs protesting as Harley moved to straddle Joker’s lap, her hands coming up to cup the sides of his pale face so she could kiss him deeper, her tongue dancing with his tongue in a soft waltz. 

The moan that Joker made came from deep in his throat. He reached down between them to untie her robe, letting the cloth fall open to reveal the warm flush of her skin. He pulled apart his own robe, wanting to feel her skin against his skin. 

Harley reached down to pull his robe down his shoulders while at the same time Joker’s hands moved under the robe to touch the warmth of her, feeling the soft skin of her waist and along her hips. He let his hands slowly explore her, caressing her skin in slow, sensual strokes. 

“I love you so much,” Harley murmured against his mouth as her hands caressed down his throat and along his chest. 

Joker smiled, catching her lips with his light pecking kisses. “I love you my peach,” he whispered. 

Her fingertips lightly stroked his throat while they kissed, edging down once more to his chest. She traced the lines of his collarbone to his shoulders, then down along his chest while she kissed him tenderly, taking her time to cherish the feel of his lips, the taste of his tongue. These moments, these quiet moments with her Joker were so precious, so perfect. Harley smiled, letting the words of that awful doctor fade to the back of her mind. 

Joker’s hands glided along her hips, up her sides, then around under her robe to caress her back. His movements were gentle, tender, loving caresses; he wanted to show her exactly how much he cherished her. 

Harley lay her forehead against Joker’s and whispered. “Make love to me.” 

Joker chuckled. “Always my sweets.” 

Standing, Joker picked her up with him. Harley laid her head against his shoulders, her arms and legs wrapped tight around him as he carried her back to their bedroom. 

* 

He gently laid her on the bed, holding onto her waist as he lifted her up and pulled her onto the middle of the bed with him. They returned to kissing, slow passionate kisses, each of them taking the time to enjoy the feel of lips and tongue, of shared heated breaths. Joker reached down to pull her robe out of the way before sitting up and stripping out of his robe completely, tossing it aside before he came back to her and dropped down on his elbows to rest between her legs, his mouth hungry on hers. He slid his hands under her head to cradle her while they kissed, pressing the length of his body against hers. 

Harley returned his kisses with a slow, burning passion, enjoyed the feel of his tongue twisting against hers while she ran her hands along the smooth, satiny softness of his skin, delighting in the way his muscles moved under his skin when he shifted his position. She enjoyed the softness of his pale, milk-white skin, the warmth of his kisses, the press of his erection against her. She grasped his rear in her hands, pressing her fingers into his firm backside for a moment while pressing her pelvis up toward him. Her groin ached to feel him inside her; the throb between her legs matched the beat of her heart. Her hands glided back up his back again, her mouth and tongue moving hungrily over his mouth. 

A deep growl rumbled in the back of Joker’s throat as his mouth moved from hers before he pulled away and began to gently kiss his way along the slender column of her throat. His lips pressed against her pulse before traveling down to trace the smooth flow of her collarbone. 

He continued his journey lower, brushing his lips against her skin, smelling the warm vanilla that clung to her skin. Harley made him want to sink his teeth into her, to leave a mark against her soft skin. 

He kissed the rise of each of her breasts, the hard, sensitive peaks of her nipples, his kisses firm but sweet while he brushed his nose against her. Harley’s fingers stroked through his hair making Joker want to purr. 

He murmured against her skin, his warm breath caressing her. “You’re mine…” he whispered “...and I’m yours Harley...my weakness, my madness...and I love you.” He growled against her heart, feeling the beat against his lips when he pressed them between her breasts. He kissed down to the slight dip of her breastbone before kissing his way back to her mouth. The little sounds of pleasure she made thrilled him, making his body throb with want, with need. 

The kisses Joker left on her skin felt like brands that sank deep into her, fueled the burning in her groin. Harley stroked the back of his legs with her feet, pressing her thighs against his sides. 

She wanted to rub herself all over him, to sink into him. Joker was her drug and she couldn’t get enough of him. 

“My puddin...you are my world…” she hissed pressing her hips against him, feeling his erection burning against her. “I love you…” 

Joker groaned. He reached down, stroked the head of his shaft against the inviting wetness of her before he slid into her, burying himself deeply into the warmth of her body with a deep, low moan. Harley’s responding moan along with the press of her hands against his skin when he entered her sent ripples through them both, He moved slowly, tenderly, his thrusts gentle, but firm. He leaned on his elbows so he could gaze down at her, their eyes meeting. 

When Joker smiled down at her, Harley groaned, arching as a rush of pleasure filled her, then burst like a circus balloon. She held onto him, her fingers grasping at his pale shoulders, giving herself over to her climax. 

Her hands caressed down his shoulders, the bed making soft groans and creaks as he moved atop her. She thrust her hips up to meet him, and when she came, Joker caught his lower lip between his teeth, moaning and stiffening as he felt her body clutch him, holding him. She felt so good that he jerked, struggling for a few tense seconds as the tension eased with a rush of liquid heat. He caught her mouth in a kiss, his thrusting taking on a more frantic energy, giving himself over to his need to pump into her. 

They moved together, their bodies perfectly in sync with one another. Harley dug her fingers into his shoulders and groaned against his mouth, her body tensing again. She felt like a bowstring being pulled taut. 

Joker stopped kissing her to push himself up on his arms, arching his entire body into her, his breath ragged, his green hair falling across his brow. Harley groaned looking up at him. She loved this moment when her Joker was perfectly vulnerable, when they were both exposed to each other completely. She reached up to caress his chest with a whisper. “Puddin…” 

Joker looked down at her, his blue eyes glowing from between thick, dark lashes, and he smiled. “Pumpkin…” he purred. 

He thrust deeper, a little harder, and Harley wrapped her legs around the back of his and held onto his shoulders, her body responding to him, feeling that swell inside her… 

Joker came with a deep shuddering cry which Harley met with her own moan. 

They rocked together for a few more moments, giving themselves over completely to their shared climaxes. 

Joker kissed her slowly, smiling as he whispered. “My sweet harlequin.” 

“My murderous clown,” Harley murmured back sweetly, which only made him chuckle. She could feel the ripple of his laugh move through her from the point where their bodies were connected. 

He kissed the tip of her nose, followed by another kiss to her forehead before he pulled out of her, both of them making the same sound of displeasure. He rolled off of her and headed to the bathroom. 

“You stay right there! I’ll bring you a towel pumpkin,” Joker called out as he went into the bathroom. 

Harley smiled, lying naked and sprawled on the bed. No, there was no way that Dr. Pinel would ever understand what she and Joker had. She giggled happily as she waited for him to come back with a towel for her, happy and content. 

* 

Soon after cleaning up, Joker insisted they go back to bed for a little while. He sensed that Harley needed a little more comfort beyond sharing their bodies, so he laid on his side and pulled her up close to him, his arms wrapped around her from behind. 

Harley closed her eyes, wrapping her arm around his arm, when Joker started to sing softly to her, his warm breath rustling her hair. 

“You go to my head 

With a smile that makes my temperature rise 

Like a summer with a thousand Julys 

You intoxicate my soul with your eyes…” 

A smile danced gently across Harley’s face as her entire body relaxed, dozing off to the sound of Joker singing softly to her. 

* 

A couple of hours later, Joker hurried back into their bedroom naked, carrying a tray with two glasses of chocolate milk and several slices of toast with butter and jam, and a bowl of jelly beans. Harley was sitting up in bed, naked as well, but with the sheet covering her hips. When Joker was close enough he handed the tray to her and hurried to his side of the bed, resisting the urge to bounce (he had done it in the past, and had caused Harley to dump the tray on herself, and while he thought it was funny, she didn’t share his notion and had refused to speak to him for a solid fifteen minutes. It had been torture.) He slid into bed and pulled the covers up over his hips. He shifted over enough that his hip was touching hers under the sheet, then he quickly smoothed the sheet out and reached out to help her guide the tray. Harley lowered the tray down on both their laps making sure it was balanced before she let go. 

“Nothing like a little brunch in bed naked with my girl,” Joker said with a happy wiggle as he picked up one of the glasses of chocolate milk and took a long, deep swallow. 

Harley picked up her glass taking a small sip. Joker frowned and looked sideways at her. His wife was clearly still bothered by the talk show; he could see the lines around her mouth that told him she was still angry and a little saddened by the way that woman had spoken about them. 

“Pumpkin, you okay?” Joker set his glass down, looking at her with concern. 

Picking up a slice of toast Harley stared at it for a long time without answering. Joker didn’t push her, he simply waited until Harley finally said softly. 

“It really gets under my skin to know that they all think you abuse me puddin, that they think I’m so weak…that they don’t think we’re partners, that I’m nothing but a glorified sidekick.” She set the toast back down to look him in the eyes. “I want to do something about it,” she growled, but he could see it pained her that people thought he hurt her. “I want them to know the truth, to know that I’m with you because I want to be, because I love you and you love me. Those...fucking...ahh…” Harley tossed her toast down in frustration. 

Joker grinned. “I was hoping you would…” 

“You were? I thought you said we shouldn’t worry about what they think.” She tilted her head at him and Joker chuckled. “Well I meant that, we shouldn’t worry about what they think, but that doesn’t mean we have to put up with them spreading a bunch of nonsense about us either. I think we should set the record straight.” Joker nodded, then asked her softly. “So, do you have an idea of what you would like to do pumpkin?” 

Harley’s smile was both cute and wicked. “I think we should go on their show…” She stopped, her light blue eyes going wide. “...no...better. I think we should bring them to our show.” 

Joker’s eyes lit up. “You wanna take over their studio?” 

“I do,” Harley said with a grin nodding. 

“Wanna kidnap that doctor jerk and that prissy host?” he asked with a chuckle, his eyes bright with anticipation. 

“I do.” Harley nodded, still smiling. 

“Then record it live and telecast out the real story about our relationship?” Joker giggled taking her hands. 

“I do,” Harley murmured with a soft giggle. 

“Do you wanna have some songs and dance and maybe a couple of acts too?” Joker asked with baited breath. 

Harley frowned for only a moment before she giggled. “I do!” 

Joker’s smile spread across his face, lighting up his eyes even more. “See, we think alike pumpkin. I think it’s about time Gotham got a load of the Joker and Harley Quinn variety show, with our special guests, Dr. Pinel and Halley Harrleson! Give them a chance to see our real relationship!” 

“As long as I can kill Dr. Pinel at the end,” Harley said with a stubborn line to her mouth. 

Joker laughed. “Well of course cupcake! Who do you take me for? Batman?” 

They both laughed.


	2. A Little Outing

A couple of evenings later, Harley, wearing a pink onesie with a cat-eared hoodie and eating ice cream straight from the pint container, sat on Joker’s lap. Joker, wearing a pair of purple slacks with a yellow shirt, untucked and smoking a cigarette, was sitting beside Bob on the couch in their living room. Bob looked radiant in a bright yellow and green tutu that had applique tulips on the skirt while holding a pink laptop on his lap. The big man’s fingers moved quickly and nimbly over the laptop that was balanced on his legs. Bob was looking up information for them as the two clowns decided on the best way to kidnap Dr. Pinel. 

The doctor was touring some of the local book stores in Gotham as well as hitting the local news programs as she promoted her old book Love, Lies, and Superman: Toxie Relationships in Metropolis and discussed her work for her new book--as well as slandering Joker and Harley’s names. They seemed to be her favorite topic in regards to toxic relationships, right behind Batman and Catwoman. 

Between her televised interviews, Dr. Pinel would also be staying in Gotham for another week or more to do research for her new book on Gotham. Bob had found out that Dr. Pinel had gone up to Arkham Asylum yesterday. Harley had nearly lost her mind when she heard that news. It had taken Joker well over an hour to calm her down. 

Harley muttered around a spoonful of ice cream. “So what kind of research can she be doing if she isn’t even talking to us?” 

Joker blew out a line of smoke, holding his cigarette out. After he had exhaled the smoke, he opened his mouth and Harley stuck a spoonful of ice cream between his lips. 

He grinned at her and swallowed before he muttered. “Well, it’s clear she just doesn’t want our point of view pumpkin...or...” He smirked and leaned close to rub the tip of his nose against Harley’s nose. “She’s too scared to talk to us, and who wouldn’t be scared to talk to us? We’re awesome! It would be like talking to Lady Gaga, just better!” 

Harley giggled rubbing her nose with his, her eyes bright. “You’re probably right, puddin. Still annoys me. It’s like she’s digging into our secrets...” 

Joker stroked her cheek. “Don’t worry pumpkin, we’re going to fix this.” 

He kissed her gently, her lips cool from the ice cream. 

Frost was on the phone pacing near the kitchen when he stopped and frowned. 

“Hey, ah Boss, Miss Quinn you might want to see this…” He walked over hurriedly and picked up the remote to the television and turned it on. 

As the screen popped on they all saw Lex Luthor standing at the podium outside one of his buildings. Press surrounded him and the flash of cameras were going off as Lex stood in front of the podium with his usual expression of calm, self-assurance. 

“Oh fuck, what is he doing now?” Joker groaned leaning over to put his cigarette out in the ashtray on the coffee table. 

Harley frowned, a spoon of ice cream in her mouth, her eyes narrowing slightly at the image of Lex Luthor. 

“Good afternoon everyone,” Lex said into the microphone. “I decided to have this small press conference after the Legion of Doom received several inquiries about two of our members, The Joker and Harley Quinn…” 

“What the actual fuck!” Harley growled as Joker leaned forward, his arm around her tightening, his fingers pressed against her side convulsed. She glanced at her puddin to see that his usual smile was gone, turned into a thin, hard line. His blue eyes, lined in black, narrowed. 

“As with last year when I was asked about Dr. Monica Pinel’s book, Love, Lies, and Superman: Toxic Relationships in Metropolis, where Dr. Pinel discussed not just Superman and his relationship with the reporter Lois Lane, she also delved into my relationship with my employee Mercy Graves. As I said at the time of that book's release, I was not interviewed for the book and neither was Miss Graves. Anything written in Dr. Pinel’s book was strictly conjecture on her part. Yes, I tried to stop the publication of her book, but we are not here to talk about that.” 

Lights flashed and reporters could be heard yelling out questions, but Lex continued. “Now, it has been brought to our attention that Dr. Pinel’s next book will be focusing on Gotham and particularly on the relationship between the Joker and Harley Quinn, two of our members. The Legion of Doom has received a lot of calls asking about our position on the abuse claims that Dr. Pinel has made against the Joker and Harley Quinn and I would like to say now that the Legion of Doom represents a lot of evil in the world, but even we have limits. We do not condone certain types of evil, domestic abuse being one of these. Now, on that note Dr. Pinel has no actual evidence of abuse and in my own experience with these two, I have not seen any evidence of domestic abuse. That said, if there is any evidence available that is brought to our attention then the Legion of Doom will take action against the Joker. But at this time no action will be taken, though the Legion will be making a sizable donation to a shelter for survivors of domestic abuse. Now, if you have any questions?” 

He pointed into the crowd and one of the reporters asked. “So if Joker is shown to have abused and manipulated Harley Quinn, will you kick him out of the Legion?” 

Lex nodded. “If there is proof without a doubt, then yes; Joker will be expelled from the Legion files. Unlike the American justice system, we consider our members innocent until proven guilty.” 

This was met with a few snickers which only made Lex narrow his eyes. 

He pointed at another reporter who asked. “Do you believe that Harley Quinn has Stockholm Syndrome?” 

Lex frowned slightly. “No comment.” 

“Would you think someone calling the Joker abusive has put a target on that person's back?” asked another reporter. 

Lex’s frown deepened as he replied. “No comment.” 

“Hey Lex! Is it true you’re planning to run for president next election?” 

Lex smiled. “Rumors with a grain of truth, but I am not here to discuss that. Are there any more questions about the topic at hand…” 

* 

Joker growled at the screen. “No comment? That’s as good as saying yes!! That bald prick!” Joker glanced at the screen then muttered, “You know if he wears a poncho he looks like a broken condom.” 

Harley frowned as Lex answered more questions. “I thought he was our friend. He really thinks you abuse me?” 

“No, Lex is only Lex’s friend, but I always respected that about him. I doubt he thinks I hurt you sweets, he doesn’t care that much...” Joker growled. “This is about making himself look good because he is going to be running for president.” 

“He is?” Harley looked surprised and Joker nodded. “Yeah he is--that jerk.” 

“But, he’s the head of the Legion…” Harley started, but Joker only shook his head. “Like that makes a difference in politics sweets. Lex is a snake, he can lie right to someone’s face and they’ll shake his hand and thank him for it. Look at the politicians in office now. Blech.” 

They were both quiet for a moment watching Lex work the crowd when the image shrank and a reporter for the local news network smiled into the camera. “Well, there you have it folks: the official position on the issue of Joker abusing Harley Quinn is that the Legion will wait for solid evidence.” The reporter turned to the news stand where three news anchors sat. 

“So Karen, Mike, Drew, what’s your opinion on this?” 

Karen, a woman with hair so blonde it was almost white frowned. “This is the Joker we’re talking about. I would be more surprised if he didn’t abuse her, and he’s clearly manipulated her because what woman in her right mind would be in love with that maniac?” 

Drew frowned. “Though we don’t have any evidence that he does anything at all to her. They commit some of the worst crimes in Gotham together and we have lots of evidence that Harley Quinn enjoys being with him…” Drew smirked. “And a lot of witnesses have seen the two of them enjoying each other…” 

Karen frowned at him, but Mike added. “I think he abuses her. He used her and manipulated her into getting him out of Arkham when he was her patient and she was Dr. Harleen Quinzel…” 

* 

Harley screamed and threw her ice cream. “ASSHOLES!!” 

She got to her feet, but Joker grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back down to his lap. “Now sweets, calm down…” he murmured, but Harley wasn’t having any of it. “They think you manipulated me!! It was my idea to break you out! MINE!! Oh my god! I can’t believe everyone thinks I’m just some...some...weak willed….goofball!!” Harley struggled to get up, but Joker held her tight while Bob quietly got up and grabbed a rag to clean off the ice cream from the television while Frost turned it off. 

“And they think I just roll over to do whatever you want? That you use me!! Beat me!! AAAHHH!!!” Joker had to grab her arms and pin them to her side while he held her tight, afraid she might destroy the television. 

“Shh...it’s okay sweetcakes...pumpkin…” He kissed her cheek. “You know I love you.” 

Harley seemed to suddenly deflate. Joker sat back and pulled her with him. She curled up against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. 

“I love you too,” she whispered curling tight against him. 

Joker held her, glancing over at Bob and Frost. Both men seemed at a loss. 

Harley whimpered into the side of his neck. “I hate that they think that about you and me puddin. I mean we’re murderers and stuff, but...I want Gotham to know that I’m murdering with you because it’s something we do as a couple, not because you’re making me.” 

Joker chuckled slowly, rubbing her side gently to calm her. “I know pumpkin, I know. Maybe we should do a gesture--you know like what the Legion of Doom is doing, donating money to a shelter. We could do that too.” Joker looked down at her and kissed the top of her head. 

Harley rubbed her nose against his shoulder, then whispered. “We could rob a bank and donate the money to one of Gotham’s shelters, that would make everyone see that we don’t support abuse. We could do that then kidnap that stupid Dr. Pinel and make her see the truth.” 

Joker smiled, rocking her very softly. “I like it sweets!” 

Harley sat up to look him in the eye. “Then let’s do it puddin!” 

Joker grinned brightly at his harlequin. He reached up with one hand and very lightly wiped the tears that decorated her lashes with the tips of his fingers. “All right sweets, anything for you.” 

Harley wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him. Joker sank back against the couch holding her snugly while he returned her kiss with slow, deliberate care that made Harley groan. 

* 

The next day dawned far too bright. 

Joker pulled his wide-brimmed dark red fedora down, his expression grumpy. He narrowed his eyes behind the round, dark red lenses of his sunglasses. “I hate wholesome sunlight,” he muttered. “I hate being out during the day. I hate being out this early.” He continued to grumble under his breath, sub-vocalizing more of his displeasure. 

Harley reached out and ran her hands along the red dress shirt he wore, feeling his chest underneath. She lightly caressed the green suspenders, her fingers traveling down to the edge of his pants. She licked her bottom lip, her body on fire because right now she wanted him, wanted her puddin so much that she ached for him. But they had a job to do first. 

But damn it!! Her puddin looked especially yummy today, and he looked particularly dashing too she thought with his bright red dress shirt, green suspenders and white pinstripe slacks cut to show off his slender waist and legs. Swoon! She particularly liked the dark purple coat with tails he wore with the red trim that made her think of a circus ringmaster. He had on a pair of black sharp toed dress shoes with red trim as well. The complete look had her seeing hearts! 

Her puddin was always such a sharp-dressed man, and that made her want to jump his bones! 

She giggled softly and adjusted the white silk carnation in his lapel. “I know puddin, but just think, everyone will see us robbing the bank--it’ll be fun!” 

Joker pouted, which only made Harley giggle again as she brushed his red painted lip with her black painted ones. “Come on puddin, once we’re inside the bank, you won’t be out in the sunlight anyway.” 

Joker’s expression brightened. “You’re right sweets!” 

He grabbed Harley around her waist to pull her closer even--though they were already sitting close in the back of Frost’s car--and kissed her. Harley wrapped her arms around him returning his kiss passionately, nearly knocking his hat off in her enthusiasm. Joker growled playfully, lifting her up to sit her, giggling the whole time, on his lap while continuing to kiss her. 

After a few passionate seconds of kissing, he pulled back with a happy sigh rubbing his nose against hers. 

“Besides, we both look too good not to go show ourselves off!” He chuckled with lifted eyebrows. 

Harley smiled brightly pushing his sunglasses up his nose. “That’s very true puddin, we look fabulous.” 

Harley was wearing a short black skirt and corset dress trimmed in red with fishnet stockings that were held up by a garter belt, and a pair of knee high black boots with matching elbow long black opera gloves. She wore her hair in pigtails, held in place with large plastic ball ties, one red, one black, and a cute little black headband. Through the fishnets Harley had red diamonds on one thigh, and black diamonds on the other that Joker had meticulously drawn in henna on her. 

“You do look scrumptious today my little minx, almost too good to go bank robbing,” Joker purred caressing her cheek causing Harley to giggle. 

Frost turned, resting his arm on the seat as he smiled at Joker and Harley. “Boss, Miss Quinn, everyone is ready.” 

Bob turned around, grinning brightly, dressed in a sleeveless black t-shirt with a rainbow tutu and white suspenders. He had on shorts today so that he could wear his knee high rainbow socks that were held up with white garter belts and a tiny, black top hat fascinator with black tulle and a large white feather. He was very happy with the hat fascinator and he got to wear his red high tops with his rainbow socks, something that always made the big man happy. 

Joker grinned at Frost and Bob. “We all look fantastic! Let’s go rob this bank in style, shall we?” 

Bob clapped his big hands in excitement, and even Frost smiled. 

Harley squealed. “Let’s go!!” 

* 

The Gotham First Citizens Bank was quiet today. 

It was a slow afternoon and Burt Johnson was thinking about dinner as he glanced up at the windowed dome that served as the bank’s ceiling. Thank goodness the glass up there was tinted or the light might have given him a headache. He yawned as he looked around the bank, one hand lightly resting on his gun, a habit that he had developed when he was much younger and on the police force. He had been working at the bank as a security guard for the last ten years and in all that time he had only drawn his weapon once. That wasn’t to say the bank hadn’t been robbed in all that time--it had, several occasions, but drawing his gun was not something he had been forced to do much. Usually what happened was that the robbers moved quickly and he was on the ground before he had time to draw or Batman would show up before he had to draw. The one time he had drawn his weapon the robbers had been a couple of kids with no robbery experience. The moment he had drawn his gun on them they had wet themselves and given up. Armed guards, he had come to realize, were usually a deterrent rather than an answer to a robbery already in progress. 

On the other side of the bank was the other bank guard, a younger man named John Spencer who Burt disliked a lot. John fancied himself some sort of gunslinger. The man was too quick to pull his weapon, too ready to hurt someone. John had failed at the police academy and had instead gone for this certificate to be a security guard, which Burt knew for a fact John had barely passed. John grinned at Burt, the younger man knew that Burt was walking because not only was he tired, but because he knew about Burt had a stiff hip. The little prick, Burt thought as he gave John a flat smile in return. 

Burt ran his fingers over his mustache and walked toward the tellers just to move his legs. Margaret, one of the tellers, an older woman with dyed red hair, smiled at him. He winked back at her. He and Margaret had been seeing each other after work hours for quite some time now. He liked her a lot, and thought about popping the question to her too. He still hadn't decided if he would or not, but he didn’t want to lose her. He’d think about it for another couple of weeks. 

As he made his little round of the bank lobby, he saw the other two tellers, a young woman named Eloise--an old name for a young woman, he often thought--from the southside of Gotham and Eric, who he knew liked to do karaoke on the weekends because he and Margaret had walked into a bar on karaoke night and there was Eric on the stage in his thin tie and glasses belting out a pitchy version of “Final Countdown” with gusto. 

Eric gave Burt a thumbs up which Burt returned. 

At one of the desks sat Fredrik Prince, a real tool of a man. He was the bank’s loan officer. Fredrik fancied himself as some up and coming man of the world, more intelligent than anyone else in the bank. He probably thought himself smarter than anyone in Gotham, Burt mused. The little prick had only ever traveled to Metropolis for some loan officer convention and somehow that made him a well traveled man of the world. If Burt had to listen to Fredrik tell one of his condescending stories again about meeting Lex Luthor, Burt was sure he would vomit all over Fredrik Prince’s expensive shoes. 

Movement behind the tellers caught Burt’s attention, the bank manager, a woman named Lisa Langer. Lisa was young, one of the youngest bank managers in Gotham. She was smart, ruthless, and did not encourage friendships in the bank. Fredrik was hot to get into her pants, but so far Lisa Langer had smashed him like a bug. Burt was of the opinion they would end up together, a couple of condescending pricks with no personality who would probably rear condescending little children just like them. 

There were only a handful of patrons in the bank. Mrs. Palin, a woman old enough to be his great grandmother, he was certain. He was also shocked when she came into the bank shuffling along. He kept waiting for her to die, but she hadn’t yet. She was probably the oldest woman in Gotham City. 

There was the young married couple, the Bishops, who had been banking here for a few months, new to Gotham though he knew they had lived here almost two years, and that weird guy with a flat, green mohawk… 

Burt struggled for a moment to remember the man’s name...he knew the guy went by the nickname Ratty, but for the life of him Burt couldn’t remember the man’s proper name. Ratty just fit the green-haired, greasy little man. Ratty had a record, Burt knew. The security guard had contacted one of his buddies down at the police department who had pulled up Ratty’s recond. He had run with a few gangs, been arrested a handful of times for various minor crimes and drugs. Burt was unsure why the little rat man wasn’t in jail, but Ratty had a job at a local diner and he had been banking here like an honest citizen for the last six months without incident, not that Burt expected that to stay the same. A guy like Ratty was going to fuck up eventually. 

Burt had turned and was heading back the way he had come when the doors to the bank were flung open and four men with guns wearing clown costumes and makeup barged in. 

Burt stiffened and everyone else in the bank went still and quiet. 

The four men parted and another man entered the bank. This one was short and wore a pierrot white clown costume along with the white pointed hat, his face painted in a classical carnival clown makeup with orange clown hair sticking out the sides of the hat. The short clown carried a horn which, when he reached the center of the bank, he honked three times. The sound, the entire performance so far, would have been funny if Burt hadn’t been terrified of what this little performance meant. 

In a monotone voice the short clown called out, his voice echoing in the mostly empty bank. “Introducing the comedy duo of the centuries, the King and Queen of Gotham, the harlequins of hate, the funniest couple this side of Hollywood… 

The Joker and Harley Quinn!!” 

The sound of calliope music began to play. 

The small clown bowed and stepped aside with his arm out just as the doors burst open again and Burt’s nightmares were suddenly reality as the Joker and Harley Quinn walked into the bank, holding hands, smiling like they had just walked on stage at some theater. Burt noticed quickly that the Joker held a cane and Harley Quinn had a baseball bat over her shoulder, but unlike the four men that had come in before them, they didn’t seem to have guns. 

“Hahaha!! HELLOOO!!” Joker yelled. 

Harley giggled and waved. “Hi everyone!!” 

The bank teller Margaret screamed, followed by the sound of a body hitting the floor. 

Joker laughed while grinning at Harley. “Oh I do love an appreciative audience!” 

Harley giggled. “Well you are just so handsome puddin.” She reached up and brushed his nose with the tip of her finger. “You always make the girls scream, and then I have to kill them because nobody gets to ogle you but me.” She shrugged and smiled. “But I do appreciate their appreciation of how hot you look.” She wrinkled her nose at him before she kissed him lightly on the lips. 

Joker laughed, pulling her in for a firmer, more passionate kiss. “Mm...I do love that you are the jealous type poo! Makes a man feel loved!” 

Behind the Joker and Harley Quinn walked in two more men. One was of average height with short brown hair, who wore a simple black suit with a red tie; the only normal looking man in the group. The man walking next to him was a huge, Burt thought, a tall, heavy set, bald man in a colorful tutu with a cheerful smiling face carrying an old fashioned boombox from which the calliope music played. 

“Well, I suppose it’s time to get the show started,” Joker said with a grin as he released Harley and tapped his cane against the slick marble floor of the bank before grabbing the solid purple rod around the middle and walked toward the tellers. “I assume you all know that this is a stick up? A robbery, a heist, one of those ‘give me all your money or I’ll kill you situations.’” 

Harley walked beside him with her bat still resting on her shoulder. “It sure is, so you best give us all your money or my puddin and are gonna start bashing some heads!” 

Fredrick stood up. (Burt groaned with a whispered mutter to himself “Sit down Fredrick… don’t be an idiot.”) 

“Now see here, you can’t just come in here dressed up like a cheap bunch of homeless clowns and start demanding we hand over our money!” Fredrik announced, even having the balls to turn and see if Lisa, the bank manager, was watching him make a fool of himself, Burt thought. 

Joker glanced at Harley with a frown. “Did we pick the stupid bank?” 

Harley shrugged. “I don’t know, but it looks like it might be.” 

Just then John rushed forward, his gun drawn. “Put your hands in the air clowns or I’ll be forced to shoot you!!” 

Joker and Harley exchanged a confused look between them with Harley whispering loudly. “Puddin, I think you might be right, I think this is the stupid bank.” 

Joker turned to look behind him counting in a loud whisper. “One, two, three, four...Frost you got your gun?” 

“Sure do Boss,” Frost responded. 

“Arnie?” Joker asked. 

“No Boss, I was hoping to get shot though, and it’s still Archie.” Archie replied. 

“Well then, Booze you really need to remember to bring a gun with you shouldn’t you?” Joker muttered to which Archie sighed. “It’s Archie Boss.” 

“Bob...no nevermind, of course you don’t have your gun because you brought your boombox…” Joker muttered, but Bob only smiled as Joker turned back around to face John. 

“I’m pretty sure we have more guns than you, so...What are you doing?” Joker asked, resting his cane against his shoulder while he looked very confused. “Besides, we are here to rob from the rich to give to the poor today, so why don’t you just…” He motioned with his cane. “...step over there and lie down and maybe I won’t let my wife there beat you to death.” 

John was shaking. Everyone could see it, but he kept his gun on them while the rest of the people froze, their hands up (minus Fredrik, who was walking closer.) Burt decided the loan manager was clearly too stupid to know that his life was in danger. Burt had never been involved in one of the super villain crimes, but he knew enough about Joker and Harley Quinn that someone was going to die, and he would be damned if it was going to be him. John and Fredrik deserved whatever happened to them, the tools. He realized he didn’t feel bad about thinking that about the two men. 

John tried to get control of the situation by snarling weakly. “Get down on your knees, hands behind your backs or I will shoot you, you fucking clowns!” 

Harley giggled. “Oh, I think he’s trying to make a joke, puddin.” 

Joker shrugged. “Oh he is stating the obvious, we are fucking clowns.” He leered at her causing Harley to giggle. 

Fredrick walked closer, having left the relative safety of his desk, his ‘toolahood’ as Burt was now calling it, making the man clearly stupid and blind. Maybe he thought his arrogant attitude--which had put fear into the hearts of many a poor person trying to get a loan at the bank--would be enough to protect him from the Joker and Harley Quinn. 

“You need to leave!” He pointed at the door. “The cops are on their way! But I’m sure Batman will be here before that to kick your sorry asses!” 

Harley growled at Fredrick who looked down his nose at her. “And take your dog with you.” Ferdrick’s voice became a little amused. “We all heard how you like to be abused.” He directed his remark at Harley. “You’re just his little dog, doing whatever he wants in the hopes that he’ll show you some attention.” 

So far the rest of the people in the bank hadn’t moved, but they all exchanged looks of confusion, and a few of the women even gasped out loud. Burt groaned. What was he doing?? One of Joker and Harley’s gang muttered loudly from behind his mask. 

“That was stupid.” 

Archie shook his head. “Well he’s certainly dead now.” 

Joker glanced at Harley. He could see that his girl was turning red as she glared at Fredrik, her jaw clenched. He was going to have to set her loose soon and boy was that going to be fun, though he wished he could kill that man too. Joker felt the kill should go to his beloved, however. He chuckled as a hot pulse of want for his wife throbbed through him at the thought of her becoming violent. She was always so sexy when she was beating someone to death! 

Joker forced himself to look away from Harley. He had been raking his eyes over her, the thought of her being violent was giving him an erection. 

He turned his attention back to Fredrik. “Oh good, I love seeing the men in blue.” He smiled looking over the top of his glasses at Fredrick, his blue eyes dangerously bright. 

“There is just something delightful about a man in uniform…” He continued. “...besides darling, I don’t think Batman works the daylight hours,” Joker cooed at Fredrick. 

Fredrick had enough sense to look slightly pale. 

Harley was glaring at John, who kept holding the gun on them. She used her bat to point at the guard. “Puddin, this one is annoying me with the gun...and so is that one.” She turned her glare to Fredrick pointing at him with her bat. “But I dislike him the most puddin.” 

Joker frowned, calling out to the tellers. “Hey, can you guys start filling bags while we work this out?” 

The manager called out. “Fredrik, John, stand down please. Bank policy is not to engage in case of a robbery.” 

Joker grinned. “See Fredrik, John. You’re both not supposed to engage.” 

Burt couldn’t stand it any longer, he hissed. “John, put your fucking gun away!” 

Joker’s electric blue eyes shot over to Burt, and he gave the other guard a smile. “I like you, you’re smart. I think you are going to live through this. Maybe.” 

Burt paled, but said nothing. 

“Puddin…” Harley lifted her brows at Joker expectantly; she was clearly getting antsy. 

“Oh all right.” He smiled at her, wrinkling his nose. “I can’t deny you anything, you know that you adorable little minx.” He gestured with his cane. “I’ll take the gun happy guard, you get the rude one?” He motioned with his shoulder at Fredrik. 

Harley giggled, her eyes bright with anticipation. “With pleasure puddin.” 

Joker purred. “Mm...you are so sexy when you get that murderous look in your eyes pumpkin.” 

Harley licked her lips seductively and batted her eyelashes at him. 

“I love it when you get that smile puddin…” She caught the side of her bottom lip. “You are so hot.” 

Joker grinned at her. “Not as hot as you my little sexy murder kitten.” 

John’s eyes widened in confused terror while Fredrik looked just confused, wondering if they were actually flirting with each other? 

(Frost glanced out the doors. He recognized those looks Joker and Harley were exchanging…they were clearly flirting which meant this robbery was going to take even longer…) 

Joker moved first, adjusted his hold on his cane to grab it around the middle with both hands like a bat. He stepped forward with the elegance of a dancer and brought the head of his cane up in an underhanded swing, like he was doing some sort of extreme golfing move. 

John didn’t react quickly enough. He wasn’t even really aware of what was happening as Joker’s cane swept in under his guard; Joker did not hesitate at all because of the gun. John barely registered what was happening when the head of Joker’s cane smashed into his nose and lips with a sickening crunch and a splatter of blood (everyone in the bank made a loud, almost in unison gasp of surprise and sympathy.) 

John cried out in pain when the cane hit, and his finger on the trigger of his gun jerked. The gunshot was a loud crack like thunder, exploding in the lobby (the sound caused the few people in here to grab their ears, some of them screaming), followed by the sound of one of Joker’s men yelling out in shocked surprise along with the unmistakable sound of a body falling to the floor. 

Another of the gang yelled. “He killed Kenny!” 

“Ah fuck it!!” Archie’s frustrated annoyance was clearly heard by everyone. 

The guard stumbled backwards, dropped his gun as he grabbed for his face, and gasped in pain. Joker laughed and hurried over, swinging his cane downward with a powerful overhead swing that smashed into John’s head, another strike to the younger man in the shoulders. John yellped dropping to his knees. 

Joker chuckled, holding his cane under his arms as he pretended to spit into his gloves hands. “Batter up!” He swung his cane like a baseball bat. The curved edge of the cane’s head caught and embedded into the side of John’s throat. The guard’s eyes widened as he gurgled, blood bubbling past his lips. Joker yanked his cane back and a small splatter of blood marred his suit and a few drops hit his chin as his cane took part of John’s throat out, leaving a bloody, bubbling hole in the side of the guard’s neck. 

Joker looked down at the bleeding man, then gasped reaching up to touch his carnation. “Damn it, forgot to use my flower…” 

He pushed a button behind the flower and a stream of neon green liquid streamed out to hit the dying man in the face where the green liquid started to melt away the flesh. 

Joker sighed with disappointment. “Well that’s anticlimactic.” 

One of the tellers screamed. 

* 

At the same time the Joker had moved on John, Harley went after Fredrick. 

Fredrick glared at her as he took a step back, clearly feeling secure in the knowledge that his position would protect him. “You don’t scare me, you’re just a two bit prostitute who hooked up with a clown and likes to be abused…” 

(Burt and everyone in the bank cringed at Fredrik's words. Burt sighed. He only felt a tiny bit bad for what he knew was about to happen to Fredrik. Maybe the bank would give the loan manager possession to Eloise. She had been trying to convince Lisa they needed another one and that she was the person for the job. Well, there was going to be an opening now…) 

Harley smiled. “You’re just stupid then, aren’t you?” 

“You wouldn’t hurt an unarmed man would you?” Fredrik frowned, his voice suddenly sounding less sure. 

Harley grinned. “Yes, yes I would.” 

She threw her bat forward, using it to extend her arm’s length. She let her right hand slide along the handle to the knot, the head of the bat slamming into Fredrick’s chest with enough force to knock the suit-wearing idiot back several steps. She followed this by sliding her hand back up her bat, grasping it once more in the middle of the handle now with both hands. 

Fredrick stared at her, his eyes reflecting the knowledge that he had made a grievous error. 

She swung with a vicious grin. 

The first hit slammed against Fredrick’s chest, knocking the air out of him. The man stumbled backwards and into the partition that was a weak divide between his desk and the rest of the lobby. 

Harley grinned and swung her bat again, this time catching Fredrik in the side of the face with a loud crack. She used her bat to hit him again, knocking his head back the other way. She started to snarl as she whipped his head back and forth with her bat, turning Fredrik’s features into a bloody mess. 

(Burt, who couldn’t look away, thought the scene might have been comical if it wasn’t so disturbing and bloody.) 

“You’re a disrespectful piece of trash! You stuck up, arrogant jerk!! Nobody talks to me and my puddin like that! I am not abused!!! Joker and I are partners you stupid, ignorant pieces of SHIT!” 

Harley snarled as she continued to beat Fredrick’s head back and forth, the flurry of her movements the only thing keeping the dead body upright until she felt a hand on her shoulder. 

She spun around. The moment she stopped using Fredrick’s head as a punching bag the man’s body hit the floor. 

(In the back the tellers and bank manager were filling bags with cash. All of them had gotten to work the moment John had his throat ripped out, no one wanting to see the similar demise of Fredrick.) 

Harley’s face, hair and dress were splattered with droplets of blood, her teeth were bared, her eyes bright, almost feverish, and she held her bat raised up ready to strike whoever had touched her until she saw it was Joker. 

Her husband smiled at her, and his gaze over the top of his glasses looked steamy. “You taught him a permanent lesson sweets.” His voice dropped lower as he reached out and caressed her jaw. “It was beautiful.” 

Harley blushed, her teeth catching her bottom lip. “You think so puddin?” 

Joker nodded, tracing her bottom lip in a slow sensual caress with the tips of his gloved fingers. “Yes…” he murmured, his voice a sexy growl. 

He dropped his cane with a clatter to the floor. “Come here pumpkin.” He growled in the back of his throat as he grabbed her around the waist and yanked her to him. 

Harley giggled dropping her bat to the floor and wrapping her arms around him as Joker captured her mouth in a deep, knee weakening kiss. At the same time he walked her backwards until Harley’s back hit one of the teller’s counters. 

* 

Frost, who had been dividing his attention between the door and the lobby, could hear the sound of police sirens approaching. He jumped when he heard Joker’s cane hit the floor. He spun around to see his Boss and Miss Quinn kissing. 

“Shit…” 

He looked over at Bob who was watching them with a happy smile. “Bob we don’t have time for them to...do that…” He motioned vaguely over at them. 

Bob simply shrugged and smiled, which only made Frost groan loudly. “God damn it. Okay…” He turned to the men. “Go get the money at least and finish planting the damn bombs! Hurry!” 

The remaining gang members hurried to obey while Archie turned to Frost. “Want me to go stand out there with a gun and…” 

Frost glared at Archie. “No!” 

Archie sighed and wandered after the other gang members. “This sucks.” 

Bob followed behind, his boombox continuing to play calliope music. 

Frost sighed keeping watch out the glass doors. 

* 

Joker licked Harley’s throat, biting at her shoulder as he pressed her against the bank counter. His gloved hands moved up to caress the tops of her breasts where they strained against her corset. 

“I love watching you kill someone, especially when it's someone so deserving sweets,” Joker purred, brushing his lips against the swell of her breasts, smiling as he took a deep breath and smelling the sweet scent of vanilla and blood on her skin. 

Harley’s responding giggle was lust filled. “I love watching you work puddin...the way you handle that cane…” She shivered with pleasure. 

She knocked his hat off, her own gloved fingers stroking his hair back from his pale face as he kissed and nibbled at the top of her breasts. She made a soft moaning purr. She was turned on so much from Joker’s ministrations that she felt as if her clothing was too confining, like she might burst the seams of her corset. She needed to feel his hands on her, she wanted Joker to touch her everywhere! 

When Joker’s hands traveled down her waist to her hips, she felt a rush of heat that set her on fire. Harley’s groin ached, a deep aching pusle that made her squirm. She felt desperate for him. 

“Puddin…my Mistah J...” she moaned before she pulled his hair, forcing him back up so she could kiss him. 

Joker made a muffled growl against her mouth, pulling the skirt of her dress up, and stroked the bare skin of her thighs. He could feel the heat from skin her seeping through his gloves. His erection throbbed painfully with the need to be buried inside his wife. He needed her, wanted her, loved her. He reached between them and unzipped his slacks, adjusting Harley on the edge of the counter, thankful that he was as tall as he was or this would have been awkward, though that would not have stopped him, not when he needed to be inside her this much. He pulled her panties aside and slid into her with a deep, almost painful groan. She was so wet that his knees nearly buckled. 

“Harley…” He dragged her name across his tongue like a plea. 

A deep groan escaped her lips the moment Joker entered her. Harley pressed her fingers into his shoulder, her legs going around his waist as she held on. Her muscles tightened around him, the deep ache inside her was still there, but now it was now a towering yearning. She needed to feel Joker pounding into her. 

“Puddin...uh...” Harley moaned, unable to find the words to tell him what to do, but Joker adjusted her position on the counter and began to thrust into her with a manic energy, knowing her so well that he knew what she needed. She reached up to grasp his face between her hands, kissed him deeply, frantically before she leaned back, dropping her hands to the counter to give herself more leverage. 

Groaning with pleasure, Joker grabbed her hips, thrusting hard, the rest of the people in the bank forgotten as he lost himself in his wife. 

He released her hips, reaching around to lay his hands against hers, their fingers weaving together as he pumped into her. Harley kept her legs tight around him, holding on to the man she loved. 

* 

Burt’s eyes bugged for a moment, were...were they having sex? They were having sex… 

He had heard the stories, but after that talk show, with that doctor lady saying that Joker abused Harley Quinn and that she was just his victim Burt had wondered, but after watching the two of them together and now...that...on the counter (they were really going to have to clean that later or remove it and replace it...) he was inclined to believe the clowns over that doctor. 

Those were two people in love, weird love certainly, but he would be willing to put money down on them being in love with each other. He was pretty sure Bonnie and Clyde had loved each other until a hail of bullets ended their love affair. 

* 

Frost cursed. The cops had arrived. 

Archie and the others arrived back with the money. 

Archie sighed. “The gas bombs are planted.” 

Frost nodded. Hopefully Joker’s plan would get them out of here. They usually did, but Frost was always worried that there would be this one time that the Boss hadn’t thought of everything or that his distraction with Miss Quinn would cost them. He knew he shouldn’t doubt the Boss, the times that had happened were actually really rare, but he still worried that this time would be it… 

They all heard the bullhorn as a cop yelled. “WE HAVE THE BANK SURROUNDED!” 

Frost opened his mouth, about to tell the gang to head toward the back like they had discussed when suddenly the sound of broken glass filled the room. 

* 

Harley gasped, her body tensing, arching, as she came. Her orgasm rippled through her causing her to squeeze his fingers almost painfully tight against his fingers. Joker responded by dragging his tongue between her cleavage. 

She pushed herself back up, breaking the grip of their clasped hands to wrap her arms around Joker’s shoulders, holding tightly to him, her tongue licking his ear as she moaned. “Uh puddin…I love you...” 

Joker bit the side of his bottom lip when he felt the rush of liquid, the tightening pleasure of her body around him when she came, but when she whispered ‘I love you’ Joker groaned, jerking as he orgasmed. 

“Uh...Harley...my girl...I love you…” He groaned softly, his arms wrapped tightly around her. 

They both heard the sound of shattering glass behind them, the gasps and cries from the remaining people in the bank. 

“JOKER, HARLEY QUINN! IT’S OVER!” 

Joker groaned laying his forehead against Harley’s. “Well I guess I was wrong: he does work during the daylight hours. What a fucking overachiever.” 

Harley muttered, kissing Joker’s jaw. “He’s a big fat party pooper.” 

Joker turned to look over his shoulder at Batman while staying embedded inside Harley. “Hey Batsy, your timing was a little better this time, at least we got to finish.” He chuckled giving Batman a leering smile. 

Harley leaned around Joker and waved. “Hiya Batsy!” 

Batman glared at the two of them, but Joker could see the blush despite the masked crusader’s mask. 

“Give us a minute Batsy darling and we’ll be right with you,” Joker purred making a show of giving Harley one last good thrust. 

Harley groaned and giggled. “Mm...puddin…” 

Kissing her slowly, Joker ignored Batman while he pulled out of her and zipped himself back into his trousers before he turned slowly to face Batman. 

Harley remained on the counter, wrapping her arms around Joker’s shoulders from behind, and rested her chin on his shoulder while smiling at Batman. 

“Oh look puddin, we made the big bad bat blush. What are you doing out here in the daylight anyway? Makes your costume look a bit…” She wrinkled her nose. “Halloweeny and a lot less scary.” 

Batman ignored them both. “This is over Joker, Harley Quinn. Come with me--you’re both under arrest.” 

Joker pouted and pushed his glasses up his nose, glaring up at the now much brighter sunlight streaming through the broken ceiling. 

“I swear they just make glass ceilings for you to destroy while making your grand entrances. Do you have some sort of contract with the city in regards to glass ceilings to burst through?” Joker asked, lifting a quizzical eyebrow. “And besides, Harley and I are here to do a good deed, all this money is going to the shelter for the abused.” They both stuck their tongues out in unison at Batman. 

“Yeah,” Harley said. “That witch on TV said my puddin was abusive, well we’re going to prove her wrong.” 

Batman narrowed his eyes looking around at the bloody mess they had left of their two victims, his lips narrowed to a thin line. “Donating money doesn’t disprove her point and besides, I don’t believe you. You robbed a bank and killed two people…” 

“OH MY GOD! Two!! Only two!” Joker held up his fingers to emphasize the point. “You know me and Harls--we could have killed so many more.” Joker shook his head and whispered loudly. “He never gives us any credit Harls and he doesn’t believe us?? Since when have you ever seen me lay a finger on Harley?” Joker glared at Batman before he pouted again. “I thought you were my one friend who wouldn’t believe that nonsense!” 

“He’s got it out for us puddin, that’s what it is. He’s just jealous.” Harley glared at Batman and wrinkled her nose at him. “You know my puddin doesn’t abuse me, you big stupid bat freak!! You’re just being a jerk!” 

Batman snarled, one black gloved hand on one of his batarangs. “I won’t tell you again…” 

“Oh of course you won’t...blah blah blah...you really need to get some new material,” Joker muttered turning around to lift Harley off the counter and place her on her feet. “Don’t you agree cupcake?” 

Harley nodded, brushing her skirt down. “Yeah he does, the big boob.” 

Joker giggled. “Boob…” 

Harley grinned, but Batman snarled interrupting them. “Joker…” 

Joker sighed reaching down for his hat which lay on the floor at his feet. “Sorry Bats, but Harley and I have plans for this week so we are going to have to say goodbye. No citizen’s arrest for you today.” Joker jutted out his bottom lip in a mock pout. “Poor Batboob.” 

Batman made a move toward them just as Joker snapped his fingers. “You two are going to Arkham!” 

The gang behind Batman all donned their gas masks. 

The first explosion was behind them among the tellers. There were screams as a bright green gas billowed out quickly, but no sooner had the first explosions gone off than a quick series of sharp pops and much louder explosions erupted all throughout the bank. 

Batman cursed under his breath. The gas filled the room swiftly, blinding him and filling his lungs for only a split second before he equipped his own gas mask. He heard the sound of laughter followed by Joker’s voice. 

“Now, is this the gas that’s gonna kill them or not? Who knows?!” Joker laughed followed by Harley giggling. 

“Who knows puddin! Only we know!! And Batsy has to find out!!” 

Batman heard their maniacal laughter. He thought they were moving to the back of the bank through the heavy gas, but he couldn't be sure. What he could be sure of was the coughs and cries of the innocent people in the bank. 

He had a choice to make… 

* 

Joker was in tears laughing as Frost drove them home. “Did you see that blush on his face! How many times has that bat caught us fucking Harls?” 

“Enough times he shouldn’t be blushing like that.” Harley giggled. 

Joker sighed, pushing his glasses up as he wiped tears from his eyes. “Oh the Bat is a treasure. I hope he never changes.” 

Harley laid her head against Joker’s shoulder. “Me too puddin, me too.” 

* 

“This just in…” 

Bruce Wayne was just finishing his dinner before he was to change and head out. No one else had died at the bank this afternoon. The gas Joker had used had ended up being the nonfatal variety, but still, two men had died today and the clowns had gotten away with over three hundred thousand dollars from the bank. 

He stabbed his last bite of chicken angrily. If he had only been faster, but when he had heard that the Joker and Quinn were out during the day robbing a bank, he had been caught unprepared, it would not happen again. 

“...a donation of just over three hundred thousand dollars was received today in money bags for the Wayne Shelter for Survivors of Abuse in the name of the Joker and Harley Quinn along with a personally signed card from the two clowns of crime. Officials point out that the serial numbers, however, do not match those of the stolen money from the bank robbery.” 

Bruce sat up straight staring at the television from where he sat at the kitchen table, a look of pure shock on his face. 

“They hadn’t been lying…” he murmured to himself. 

“What was that sir?” Alfred asked as he entered carrying a tray with dessert. 

Bruce pointed at the screen. “All that money the Joker and Harley Quinn stole today from the bank, they did donate it.” 

Alfred lifted a surprise brow. “Well, I suppose even evil people can do something good once in a while.” 

Bruce grumbled, but didn’t say anything coherent. 

* 

Two days later. 

Dr. Pinel was stepping outside into the night spring air of a recent rain in Gotham. The night air was a bit chilly because of the rain as a cool front moved in from the east. She had just finished an interview with Vicki Vale on her show The Scene. It had gone well. Not only had they discussed her upcoming book and the Joker’s abuse of Dr. Harleen Quinzel (though she noted she was having an issue getting anyone to discuss Batman and Catwoman. It was as if everyone was far more interested in the Joker and Dr. Quinzel’s relationship with Batman and Catwoman), but they had also discussed the recent bank robbery by the two clowns and the money they had donated to a shelter for abuse survivors. Vale had a guest, a man named Burt something or other who had been a security guard at the bank on the day of the robbery. The man had given his opinion on the clowns based on what he had experienced and seen in regards to their most recent crime. The man had claimed that as far as he could tell, Joker and Harley Quinn seemed to be happily in love and that the Joker did not seem abusive at all. If anything, this security guard Burt had claimed the two had been flirtatious with one another, and even had sex during the robbery, and that they had seemed like partners. 

Dr. Pinel had been forced to embarrass the man on television. 

Even one dissenting voice like that could be a problem for her book. It was better to put the man down and re-establish her authority on her topic. 

Overall Monica Pinal had been satisfied with the results. 

She made her way down the sidewalk, walking under the widely spaced streetlights to the parking garage where her car was parked when a shadow separated from the side of the building. Pinel stiffened, her hand going to the little bottle of mace that hung from the strap of her purse. She took a step back, putting herself squarely under the beam of the streetlight. 

“Are you Dr. Pinel?” the shadow asked with a soft feminine voice. 

Monica relaxed, it was a woman. “Yes, can I help you?” 

“Oh, you sure can.” The shadow stepped into the light of the streetlamp and Dr. Pinel gasped. It was Dr. Harleen Quinzel, a.k.a., Harley Quinn herself. 

She was wearing a brown trenchcoat, her blonde hair worn loose around her shoulders with a brown newsboy hat on her head. 

Harley smiled. “I really need to talk to you doc.” 

Dr. Pinel’s heart was racing, not with fear, but with excitement. This might be my chance to get an interview for my book! 

“I would love to talk to you Dr. Quinzel. My car isn’t far…” Dr. Pinel began, but Harley cut her off. “That’s okay, I thought we might go to my place.” 

Dr. Pinel opened her mouth to answer only to be interrupted by a laugh that made her blood turn to ice in her veins. 

“Hahahaha!! I think we’d both like to have a little talk with you.” 

From out of the shadows beside Harley Quinn stepped the Joker. 

“You’ve been a very bad doctor, Dr. Pinel.” Joker chuckled, putting his arm around Harley’s shoulders and pulling her close while Harley put her arm around his waist. 

“Do you have any idea how unhappy you’ve made my girl?” Joker pouted. “I hate to see my pumpkin upset and you upset her a lot, spreading lies about us…” 

Dr. Pinel took a step backwards only to be stopped short by what felt like a solid wall of muscle. She smelled the faint fragrance of strawberry. She spun around to see a massive man wearing a pointed, striped clown’s hat on his bald head and wearing a pink tutu. The big man smiled at her with almost child-like pleasure. She opened her mouth to scream, but the big man clamp his hand down on her mouth, stopping her scream before it even started. He wrapped his other arm around her and lifted her off her feet as if she weighed nothing at all. She struggled against his grip, but might as well have been struggling against Superman. 

Harley smiled and walked over with Joker to stand in front of Bob. “Well Dr. Pinel, you are going to help us fix the lies you’ve been telling.” Her blue eyes narrowed. “And then you are going to pay for them. Isn’t that right puddin?” 

Joker chuckled. “Anything you say, my delicious lollipop,” he said with a waggle of his green eyebrows. 

Harley grinned, then turned her attention to Bob. “Come on Bob sweetie pie. Let's take Dr. Pinel to the studio with us. This is going to be fun.” 

Joker laughed as they turned and headed down the sidewalk to their waiting car. 

“Oh, this is going to be fun indeed, my sweets.” 

The two of them laughed. 

Dr. Pinel passed out.


	3. Joker and Harley's Variety Hour

Dr. Pinel’s eyes fluttered. Her head felt as if it were spinning for a few seconds, but the dizziness faded quickly. Still, she didn’t open her eyes right away. She could tell she was sitting up and she felt that she was tied up; from the feel of it, tied to an armchair. She had the sense of people around her, which was confirmed when she heard music start to play. She frowned. The song was strange, but she knew it...from the 1980’s. Then it occurred to her, the song was “House of Fun” by an English group called Madness. 

Dr. Pinel opened her eyes slowly, the lyrics bouncing around her head giving her a headache. The room was mostly dark, a dim light shining on her, but the light was still too strong causing her to wince. 

“Welcome to the house of fun 

Now I’ve come of age 

Welcome to the house of fun 

Welcome to the lion’s den 

Temptations on his way 

Welcome to the House of…” 

Her eyes widened in surprise as she saw a large, bald headed man dressed in a pink leotard wearing a sparkling gold, pink, and black tutu. He wore a pair of red high tops and on his bald head rested a headband that sported a tulle flower made of the same colors of gold, pink and black that made up his tutu. He spun around, showing himself to be quite nimble for a man of his size. She watched in shock as the man danced, only to have her breath taken away as spinning out of the darkness around her came a woman dressed in a catsuit divided into black and red halves. She wore a headpiece with jester hat points and a white clown collar with white pom poms on the ends of her hat points. She wore pointed boots--one black, one red--and red and black gloves with white ruffles at the ankles. The woman’s face was painted white and she wore a black mask over her eyes. 

The harlequin jester grabbed the big man’s hands when she was close enough, and the two clowns swung around to the music while laughing--although the big man looked to be laughing silently. The big man let go of her and to Dr. Pinel’s horror they both started to floss dance. What on earth was going on?? It took her another few seconds of staring at the woman before something in my mind clicked. 

She knew who that woman was… 

That was when she heard a voice with a sensual purr in it call out. “Dancing without me?” 

Dr. Pinel turned to see the Joker prance out wearing a purple pinstripe suit, white spats, a yellow double buttoned vest, and a bright green shirt with a bright purple tie and a bright pink carnation pinned on his lapel. 

“Puddin!” Harley Quinn turned and plowed into Joker, who grabbed her up and spun her around. 

Harley giggled. “We’re doing the opening dance for our show puddin!” She caressed Joker’s face, her fingertips brushing against his jaw. Joker smiled pulling her close, his hands sliding along her waist. 

“Well then my sweets, we need the lights!” He snapped his finger and the entire room lit up like Christmas. 

Dr. Pinel looked around, her eyes wide. She knew exactly where she was. She was back at the set of the Gotham Daily with Halley Harrleson. As she looked around, she saw a couch and on the other side of the couch, she saw Halley Harrleson was tied up in the chair next to her, the other woman’s head lolling to the side as if she were drunk. As the lights came on in the studio, Dr. Pinel could see that there was even an audience, although not much of an audience, all of them dressed up as clowns or wearing large, strange masks. If she was to take a guess, she believed the audience was made up of Joker’s gang members. She saw one man standing a little off to the side of Halley Harrleson dressed in a black suit and white shirt with a red tie, the only normal looking person here besides herself and Miss Harrleson. 

He sensed her looking at him, his gaze moving from the dancing clowns to her. His expression was grim and Dr. Pinel knew immediately this man did not like her. When he moved his jacket out of the way to show the gun, she had her suspicions confirmed. 

She turned her attention back to the three clowns dancing. They moved around in a circle together doing the floss dance, then switched to something that required them to jump around while holding hands. The entire spectacle made her think of kids playing in the park together. 

The music changed and the large man in the tutu grinned and walked off to stand beside the man in the suit, giving the clowns a cheerful wave. She heard an announcer whose voice echoed through the studio. 

“From downtown Gotham: It’s the Joker and Harley Quinn Variety Show starring The Joker and Harley Quinn!!” 

The small crowd in the seats stood up and applauded as the cameras and lights turned to focus on Joker and Harley Quinn. 

Joker put his arm around Harley’s waist as music began to play. 

He grinned at the camera and began to sway back and forth moving Harley with him to the music. Dr. Pinel’s forehead creased as she frowned. The song was from The Temptations, “Get Ready.” 

The Joker then surprised Dr. Pinel when he began to sing, his voice surprisingly good. Dr. Pinel watched as the clown glanced at Harley and winked at her as he sang. 

“I never met a girl who makes me feel the way that you do 

It's all right 

Whenever I'm asked who makes my dreams real 

I say that you do 

you're outta sight 

So fee fi fo fum 

Look out baby 'cause here I come…” 

* 

Harley giggled while swaying with the music. She picked up the song where the Joker left off, her voice also surprisingly good Dr. Pinel noted, both of them good enough that if they had wanted to pursue a career in music rather than crime, they would likely have become popular. 

“And I'm bringing you a love that's true so get ready 

So get ready 

I'm gonna try to make love to you so get ready 

So get ready here I come 

I'm on my way 

If you wanna play hide and seek with love let me remind you 

It's all right 

The loving you're gonna miss and the time it takes to find you 

It's outta sight…” 

* 

The clowns then took each other’s hands and sang together, serenading each other while staring into each other’s eyes. Joker pulled Harley close, dipping her back for a moment as they sang together. 

“So twiddle-dee-dee twiddle dee dum 

Look out baby 'cause here I come 

And I'm bringing you a love that's true so get ready 

So get ready 

I'm gonna try to make love to you so get ready 

So get ready here I come 

I'm on my way 

Get ready 'cause here I come, boy….” 

* 

After they finished their song, Joker placed Harley gently on her feet before they turned toward their audience and threw their joined hands into the air, facing both the audience and the camera with large camera ready smiles that showed off all their straight white teeth, the Joker’s standing out against the red lipstick on his lips while Harley’s did the same against her black lipstick. They moved back and forth, smiling into each camera making Dr. Pinel think of the old Sonny and Cher show from the early 1970’s. 

Once the clapping and hooting died down, Joker kissed Harley’s hand and winked at the camera. The Joker’s voice had the clear delivery that most television hosts had; he directed his attention at one of the cameras. 

“Tonight Gotham, you are in for a special treat!” 

Harley did the same as she added. “Because tonight, Mistah J and I are going to bring you a very special program, one of the best variety shows that Gotham has ever seen!” 

Joker laughed. “Yes we are my sweets. Tonight Gotham, my lovely wife and I are going to treat you all to a special show with music, dance, skits, comedy, and...with a couple of very special guests!” 

Joker and Harley Quinn turned, throwing their arms out toward the tied up Dr. Pinel and the still semi-conscious Halley Harrleson who muttered, her eyes blinking as she tried to focus. 

Dr. Pinel looked terrified as she stared into the camera. “Someone help me!” 

Joker and Harley laughed together. “Oh, Dr. Pinel…” Joker chuckled. “...no one is going to help you tonight. Besides, you are our special guest. You see, you upset my sweet little pumpkin a great deal with your interviews all through Gotham. I mean, spreading lies like that about me and my pumpkin poo? What did you expect to happen?” Joker’s smile didn’t reach his eyes as he tilted his head. “My cupcake and I want redress, BUT we also want to give Gotham a great show, don’t we pumpkin?” Joker turned to Harley. 

Harley nodded her agreement and smiled, but her voice lacked any humor whatsoever as she glared at the other women. 

“Yes, you made me very upset, spreading lies about me and my puddin. Telling people he abuses me?” She glared at the other woman, a growl entering her voice. “...telling people he doesn’t love me? Doesn’t care about me? And to make it worse, you didn’t even bother to ask me.” Harley took a threatening step toward the bound woman, but Joker held her back. 

“Now pumpkin, all in good time,” Joker purred against Harley’s ear. “We have a show to put on first before we get to the finale.” 

Harley frowned. Her blue eyes behind her mask were cold as she glared at Dr. Pinel with pure hatred. 

Dr. Pinel hissed. “You are a textbook case of Stockholm Syndrome Dr. Quinzel, the fact that you can’t see it attests to that…” 

Harley snarled, but Joker wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back against him. 

“Pumpkin poo, calm down….” 

Halley woke up fully, finally looking around with, wide clear eyes before she screamed. Joker released Harley and strolled over to Halley, stopping right in front of the bound woman. Halley snapped her mouth shut, her eyes wide as she looked up at him. 

Joker smiled at her, though the grin didn’t reach his eyes. “Now Halley Harrleson, if you don't stop screaming, I’m afraid I’ll have to shut you up or allow my wife there to shut you up and she is in a really bad mood. So, are you going to be quiet?” 

Halley nodded mutely, her eyes wide and almost round as saucers. 

Joker beamed at her. “Good. Now…” He slapped his fingers together and Halley jumped as much as her bindings would allow. 

“I think before we get to the serious stuff, we need a little entertainment to warm up the audience don’t you think so cupcake?” 

Harley was still glaring at Dr. Pinel before she turned around and smiled beautifully for Joker and the camera. “Of course puddin. What did you have in mind?” 

Joker chuckled. “Well, I think for starters we should allow our dear clown Arby to come out and perform for a segment I’m calling Stupid Arby Tricks!” Joker seemed delighted with his segment name. 

From the shadows a dull, monotone voice yelled back. “It’s Archie Boss.” 

Joker nodded, waving a hand in the general direction of the voice while grinning at Harley. “Whatever!!” 

They both stepped slowly out of the way as someone up in the lighting booth aimed a beam down on the stage. 

“Introducing, the one, the only: ARNIE!!” Joker called out before taking Harley’s hand and stepping out of the spotlight. They both walked around to stand behind the couch between Dr. Pinel and Halley Harrelson as Archie dragged himself into the spotlight like a kid being made to perform in the school play. He carried a colorful yellow basket that was filled to the brim with colorful egg-shaped objects. 

Archie sighed once he came to a stop in the spotlight, looking into the camera. “For my trick tonight, I’m going to juggle these grenades.” Archie reached into the basket and pulled out one of the objects. He held up one of the grenades for the camera to focus on. The grenade had a smiling Joker face painted on it’s colorful surface. 

* 

Joker grinned elbowing Harley in the side. “I made those myself.” 

“You are so talented, puddin,” Harley cooed while caressing his jaw. 

Joker purred like a cat, his eyes partially closed as he leaned into her touch. 

Halley gazed at Archie wide-eyed before she turned back to look at the clowns and asked in a panicked voice. “Are those things real?” 

“Of course they're real! You think I’m a hack or something?” Joker looked offended. 

“But…” Halley looked at Archie who was pulling the pins out of the grenades before he began to juggle them. “...he pulled the pins, in seconds we’re all dead!!” 

Dr. Pinel hadn’t said a word; she simply stared at the clown beginning to juggle. 

Halley looked to Dr. Pinel who was still staring at Archie, her face drained of all color. 

Joker and Harley shared a giggle as Joker whispered loudly. “Only if he drops them,” Joker corrected. “They’re special grenades. That’s where the stupid part of the trick comes in!” 

* 

Archie sighed, somehow already knowing this was not going to end up in his death, and began to juggle the live grenades. 

The audience clapped and whistled as Archie showed some real juggling skill, but when one grenade hit the tips of his fingers and slipped out of the ring of grenades he was juggling, time slowed for everyone (except Joker and Harley). Both Dr. Pinel and Halley watched in terror as the grenade tumbled from the short clown’s fingers. Frost looked on while biting his bottom lip. Bob stared with wide eyes. 

Once he fumbled the one, the rest of the grenades that Archie was juggling followed suit and within seconds all of them hit the floor. Halley screamed, even Dr. Pinel screamed, but the moment the grenades hit the floor, they explode with loud pops into bursts of black and red as well as purple and green confetti! 

Bob laughed silently and clapped his hands. 

Frost sighed in relief unaware of how tense he had been, watching Archie until the moment had passed. He hadn’t believed that Joker would let Archie juggle real, fragmentation grenades--not with Miss Quinn in the room--but there had been a little part of him that wasn’t completely sure, at least not until this moment. 

Harley squealed with delight, turning toward Joker. “Oh puddin!! They exploded in our colors!!” 

She threw her arms around Joker’s shoulders. Joker pulled her up tight against him. 

“Of course they are sweets.” Joker smiled, rubbing his nose against hers. “You’re my girl.” He brushed his nose against hers again, his warm breath tickling her lips. “At the end of everything, it’ll always be you and me sweets, ‘til death do we part.” 

Harley sighed softly. “Oh puddin.” She brushed her lips against his, whispering. “‘Til death do we part.” 

He kissed her, a sweet, soft kiss that made a burst of heat race through her. Joker’s hands ran down the smooth length of their back to her rear where he opened his hands wide to grip her ass and pull her up close, squeezing gently. 

Halley looked at them in shock and shouted. “Is this some sort of sick game to you??!” 

Joker rolled his eyes pulling away from Harley. “Miss Harrleson, you really need to learn to calm down. All this hysterical screaming and yelling is making your face all blotchy.” Joker tsked at her, then yelled. “MAKEUP!!” 

Bob hurried off only to appear a few seconds later with a bag of makeup. The big man crouched down in front of a stunned Halley and began to fix her makeup while Archie took his now empty basket and shuffled off stage, muttering. 

Joker muttered. “Sick game...of course it’s a sick game, who does she think we are?” 

Harley sighed. “I’m beginning to think the people of Gotham don’t really know us puddin.” 

Joker nodded, looking sad. “I think you’re right sweets. We should have done this show sooner.” 

Archie walked past them muttering loudly. “God damn it, should have known he lied about them being live grenades…” 

Joker laughed and called after him. “Don’t worry Able, you’ll end up dead eventually!” 

Archie muttered. “It’s Archie Boss, it’s Archie….” 

Joker took Harley’s hand and stepped once more into the spotlight. 

“Well, before we go any further, my pumpkin and I would like to let our viewing audience know about some of the guests we’ll be having on our show tonight.” Joker smiled. 

Harley added, looking surprised. “More guests puddin? Who will we be having on the show tonight?” 

Joker grinned. “I’m so glad you asked sugarplum! Tonight we’ll be having a special guest appearance by the most annoying and indirect asshole in Gotham, The Riddler!!” 

The audience applauded. 

“And some of our other guests will include, The Penguin! Everyone’s favorite luchador Bane!!” (Here Joker made his voice low and deep.) “Along with our favorite sewer dwelling reptile Killer Croc and the scariest thing in any cornfield...The Scarecrow!!! We'll also have Harley’s best friends Poison Ivy and Catwoman!! But our very special guest who’ll be showing up sometime tonight will be none other than The BATMAN!!” 

The crowd cheered. 

Joker grinned at Harley who giggled. “Batman? Now that will be fun, but what shall we do while we wait for our guests puddin?” Harley asked with a playful tilt of her head that caused the pompoms on the end of her hat to bounce. There was a little bit of strain in her voice that only Joker could detect. 

“How about a little comedy skit while we wait for all our guests to arrive?” Joker asked. 

The audience clapped and hooted. 

Dr. Pinel and Halley Harrleson looked terrified. 

Joker laughed, clapping his hands with pleasure. “Well, while you all wait for Harley and me to get ready for our little skit, how about a little stand-up routine from our favorite clown BOB!!” 

Joker bowed, throwing out his arms to introduce Bob. 

Bob had just finished with Halley Harrleson’s makeup, and came dancing out into the spotlight as Joker and Harley disappeared off the stage. He curtsied to his fellow gang members, tugging out the edges of his tutu. 

The big man grinned at the camera and began a pantomime act to the cheers and encouragement of his fellow hench people. 

Dr. Pinel looked over at Halley, but the woman looked around, ready to start screaming again. 

* 

Back in the dressing rooms Harley yanked her hat and mask off, throwing them to the floor before she grabbed Joker by the lapels of his suit and shoved him up against the wall as soon as the door closed. 

Her voice was low, filled with hurt and anger as she glared at him. Her blue eyes were wild, but Joker could see the hint of tears on her lashes. “Puddin, what are we doing?! I want to make her tell everyone that you don’t abuse me, that you would never hurt me! I want to make her eat her lies and then I want to kill her, slowly...” 

Harley’s voice broke on the last words as a single tear ran down her cheek leaving a trail through the white face paint. 

Joker pulled her into his arms hugging her tightly, his chin resting on the top of his head. “Pumpkin, I know you do and we will, but won’t it be better if we have some of our friends tell Gotham that I don’t hurt you too? Some testimonials? And Batman--if Gotham hears from Batman’s own lips that I would never hurt my sweet, murderous little pumpkin pie, then they will believe it. Right now, if we just make that woman say she was lying all of Gotham will simply think we made her do it. This way no one can doubt how we feel about each other, never doubt that I would never lay a hand on you.” His voice was a soft whisper. 

He pushed her back, holding her a short distance from him, his hands around her upper arms. Harley had her head down looking at her shoes while he spoke. 

“Harley sweetie, it won’t matter how many Dr. Pinel’s show up after that. All of Gotham will know that we are partners, lovers, and equals in crime.” He smiled. “No one will ever doubt again how much I love my wife.” 

Harley looked up at him as he reached up to cup her face, his thumbs gently stroking her cheeks wiping away the tears that were silently sliding down her cheeks and smearing her white face paint. 

His voice was soft when he spoke. “I want to make sure that there is never a doubt to anyone about how I feel about you. That way if anyone tries to say otherwise, everyone will know they are lying, then we can shoot them, or blow them up, gas them...Oh, chum them!!” Joker smiled excitedly about the last part, the smile spreading slowly across his face. “I’ve never fed anyone to the sharks before...did you know that Batman supposedly has shark repellant? We have got to try that!” 

Harley bit her bottom lip, a small smile on her lips about the shark repellant, then nodded slowly. “You’re right puddin…” 

“Of course I am.” Joker chuckled. Harley gave him a playful punch in the chest. 

Joker gasped, overacting how wounded he was by grabbing at this chest. “I think you broke something!” 

Harley giggled reaching up to work his tie loose before she pulled the cloth free and started to work the buttons of his shirt through their holes. “You are such a baby.” 

Joker stuck his bottom lip out for a moment before quickly smiling in a decidedly wicked fashion. “Maybe I just need some tender love and care? A little smothering maybe...or maybe I need some discipline!” His eyes lit up. 

Harley giggled, undoing the buttons of his vest before she pulled his shirt out of his slacks and finished unbuttoning his shirt. 

“You deserve a spanking,” she said with a smile. 

Joker reached up to lightly caress the top of Harley’s breasts, cupping them gently, his thumbs brushing over her hard nipples. Harley had leaned in to kiss his throat. She made a soft little sound that made his groin tighten in response. He loved her traditional outfit the best. She looked good in everything she wore, but he loved the way the fabric of her traditional outfit clung to her hips and breasts, showing off every detail of her tight little figure. 

Reaching down, Harley began to undo his slacks, her fingers working nimbly to unclasp the buckle of his belt while she licked her way down his throat, then slowly lowered herself down to her knees, leaving a trail of kisses along his stomach. 

Once on her knees, she finished with the belt, then deftly unfastened the button of his slack and pulled the zipper down. 

Joker’s voice was a whisper. “Harley…” He wasn’t sure if he was trying to tell her to stop or to continue, but he ended up letting her do whatever she wanted, which is what he usually did. 

With deliberate and slow care, Harley kissed along his stomach, pulling his slacks and boxers down at the same time. 

She looked up and whispered against this skin. “I love you puddin.” 

Joker purred, very gently tugging the hair ties from her hair, then running his fingers through her thick blonde mane. “I love you too pumpkin poo.” 

She smiled up at him then brushed her cheek against his erection leaving just a hint of white face paint behind before she wrapped her gloved hand around him. Joker bucked gently, letting out a sigh that quickly turned into a groan as Harley dragged her tongue over him in a slow, warm, wet lick that sent goosebumps racing over his white skin. 

Her free hand stroked Joker’s stomach, then his hips while she licked him slowly, enjoying the feel of the warm, soft skin of his erection against her tongue. She loved him so much, loved him so deeply, her puddin. She circled her tongue around the head of his erection, flicking the tip of her tongue along the small opening, tasting the slightly salty flavor of his excitement. Her hand moved gently up and down as she wrapped her lips around the head of his erection and sucked, a slowly and gentle back and forth sucking, bobbing her head just a little while her hand stroked him. 

Dropping back against the wall, Joker groaned, his eyes rolling closed, his fingers in her hair. He smiled. Harley was so good at this, so sweet. 

He moaned a little louder when she let go of him only to take the full length and width of his erection into her mouth. She snaked her tongue back and forth along the underside of his shaft, causing little quakes through his body. He squeezed handsful of her hair gently in his hands, resisting the urge to thrust while Harley performed her magic with her tongue and lips. 

Bobbing her head a few more times, Harley sucked his erection deep into her mouth. Her husband’s groans sent ripples through her, but when she felt him tugging at her hair an animalistic need surged through her. She dragged her pressed lips up his erection, sucking on the head for a few tense seconds until she knew he was weak in the knees before she stood up. 

Joker nearly stumbled when she released him, his knees wanting to buckle, the wall the only thing keeping him up. He watched in silence as Harley reached behind her to grab the zipper of her outfit and slowly pull it down. She undid her collar and tossed it to the floor, followed by her gloves, kicking off her shoes at the same time. He watched, barely breathing as she slowly pulled her outfit off her shoulders, revealing her nakedness gradually. The contrast between her white painted face and the peaches and cream of her naked body sent a shiver through him. 

It didn’t matter how many times he saw her naked, each time was like Christmas morning, he thought with glee. 

She stepped closer… 

Joker grabbed her, spinning around (a little awkwardly with his pants around his ankles) and pressed her back against the wall. 

“My girl,” he growled, bringing a grin to Harley’s lips before he reached down and grabbed one of her legs while Harley stood up on her toes. She reached down to grab his erection, guiding him inside her, wet and eager for him. He slid into his wife with a deep groan, capturing her mouth at the same time, swallowing Harley’s responding moan. 

He kept a tight hold of her leg, his hand sliding down from her knee to grasp the back of her thigh, lifting the limb to his waist while he thrust into her, driving her back against the wall. Harley held onto his shoulders, kissing him with a passionate desperation. Joker reached around with his other hand to grab her rear, adjusting her so he could thrust deeper into her. Harley made the sweetest, most desperate sound of pleasure that raised goosebumps all over his chalk-white skin. 

He arched and thrust, his mouth never leaving hers as if his ability to breathe depended on his kissing her. He lifted Harley up from the wall, then dropped her back against it with a thud while Harley groaned. Her hands moved through his hair, then down his face, along his throat, and chest, crying out as he thrust particularly hard, causing a swift, intense orgasm to rush through her. 

He thrust faster, harder; the wash of her pleasure fueled him until he gasped pressing her hard against the wall when he came inside of her. 

Harley wrapped her arms tight around his shoulders, bursting into tears while they kissed, his climax fueling another one of her own. The intensity of their shared orgasm caused all her feelings to bubble up and burst into hot tears. She loved him with an intensity that no one could ever understand. She loved him completely, all of him, the madness, the murderous clown, the psychopath, the simple clown, to the confused man, the man she had married. She loved every part of him from now until forever. Her life was bound to his in a way that no one could really understand. 

Joker held her pressed against the wall after the urge to thrust slowly cooled. He kissed away her tears with murmured words too low for her to understand, smearing her white makeup against his lips and face. She was the only person in the world who took all of him and loved him. The only person who could see the world as he did, who truly understood him. Not even Batman--for all his vaunted understanding and insights--understood him the way Harley did. Why on earth would he hurt someone so precious to him like Harley? He would be utterly alone in a world filled with chaos, darkness, and a deep lack of humor. Harley was his light in that chaotic darkness. He would never hurt her. The thought that Gotham thought he did, didn’t bother him as much as it did Harley, (the outside world never understood anything!), but he wasn’t against setting the record straight either. 

He stroked back her hair, kissing her sweetly before he laid his forehead against hers and smiled. “Ready to get out there and entertain the masses?” he asked, his blue eyes twinkling as he stared into her light blue eyes, rubbing his forehead against hers and smearing the white face paint against their foreheads with a grin. 

Harley giggled, far more relaxed now. “Yes, let’s give Gotham the show and murder they deserve puddin.” 

Joker laughed. “That’s my girl.” 

* 

Somewhere in Gotham Batman stood on top of the building looking down at a couple of gangsters he had been following most of the night. Nightwing had put him on the scent of these two, suspected gun runners, but so far their nighttime activities in Gotham had been mundane. Most of the evening had been spent in a strip club. Batman had an informant inside, but the men had simply watched the show, drank, and paid for a couple of lap dances. Tonight might be a bust. 

He was about to tell Robin that they were going to move on, for now at least, when Alfred’s voice came in over his earpiece. 

“Sir, there is something important that you need to see.” Alfred’s voice, as always, was measured, but Batman could detect that subtle hint of stress in his accented voice. 

“Patch it through to my visor,” Batman replied as he activated the visor, a set of shields over his eyes. 

Next to Batman, Robin turned to look at him curiously. He could tell his mentor was speaking with Alfred, but he asked no questions, instead waiting until Batman was ready to talk to him. 

Batman waited only a few seconds before a television image flooded his view. 

On the screen Batman saw someone who could only be the Joker dressed in a purple and green knock-off Batman suit with Harley Quinn in a knock-off (if he was being honest, she was in a nearly pornographic version of Robin’s uniform.) The two of them were acting out some scene, but what really concerned him was that he could see two women bound up behind them, each sitting in a chair. 

“Alfred, who are those women?” Batman asked. 

Alfred answered promptly. “One is Halley Harrleson, a host of Gotham Daily and the other woman is a Dr. Monica Pinel. She has been quite popular on the talk show circuit since she is working on a book about toxic relationships having already completed one on Metropolis’ couples, though her sights seem now to be set on Gotham.” 

“I know who she is…” Batman growled. “...she was the one discussing Joker’s and Harley Quinn’s relationship.” 

“As well as your relationship with the notorious Catwoman sir,” Alfred added with just a hint of amusement in his voice. 

“Yes,” Batman said flatly then added. “I’m not surprised Joker and Harley Quinn kidnapped the woman.” 

“Neither am I sir. She has been claiming that Joker is abusing Miss Quinn and that she suffers from Stockholm Syndrome,” Alfred said quietly. “I do believe she has probably irritated the clowns sir.” 

Batman’s response was a grunt before he asked. “Can you trace the signal?” 

“Yes sir, they are not masking it. They are recording out of the same studio that Miss Harrleson uses for her show,” Alfred replied. “Do be careful sir. Apparently The Riddler, Penguin, and Crane are going to be special guests as well. It looks like they are building a case against Dr. Pinel’s opinion of their relationship.” 

“Let’s hope I can get there before they lay down a verdict on the doctor,” Batman replied. 

“Godspeed sir,” Alfred said before he signed off. 

Batman clicked away his visor and looked down at Robin. “It’s going to be a tough night after all, old chum.” 

Robin groaned. “God, I hate it when you call me that.” 

Batman didn’t reply, but there was a slight grin on his lips. “Come on, the Joker and Harley Quinn are causing some trouble at a local TV station.” 

Robin grinned. “Fantastic! Some real action!” 

* 

Back at the studio Joker came slithering down a rope from the ceiling in his form-fitting take (in purple and green) on Batman’s outfit that showed off his slender figure, but also left very little of Joker’s anatomy to the imagination. He had a Batman cowl on, but some of his green hair was sticking out around the ears. He dropped to the floor, swooshing his cape around dramatically and called out. 

“Where is my Boy Wonder??” Joker had dropped his voice several octaves, taking on a deep and overly masculine tone. 

“I’m here Batman!!” Came Harley’s voice, ringing out higher than her own voice. 

Joker turned, grinning at Harley when she came prancing back out onto the stage, now dressed in a red corset trimmed in yellow with a giant “R” over her left breast. She also had on a tiny green tulle skirt with black panties (easily seen) and a black garter belt and hose with a pair of black, stiletto ankle boots, a short yellow cape, and green opera-style gloves. Her blonde hair was worn down in thick waves around her shoulders and she had a little black mask over her eyes. 

She giggled as she stopped, her legs spread wide and her fists on her hips. 

“Batman. It’s me Robin, reporting for duty!” she chimed in her high-pitched voice. 

The crowd whistled and clapped at Harley’s entrance. 

Joker chuckled, but when the whistling continued he spun around and yelled at them. “All right that’s enough! I can't see any of you making eyes at Harley, but I know you are, so you better stop it now or I’m having Ester in the booth turn the spot on the lot of you and then...I'm gonna shoot you in the dick! Got it!!” 

This statement was met with silence. 

Joker glared at the crowd that he couldn’t quite see because of the stage lighting before he turned back to Harley. 

“Now where were we...Oh yes!” Joker chuckled and cleared his throat before dropping his voice low again. 

“Robin my trusty sidekick, an all around good chum…” 

Harley made a face at him and he giggled continuing. “...you are looking quite a bit different tonight...I like the new costume.” 

Harley spun around before she grabbed the edges of her skirt and curtsied, lifting the skirt up to show off the cut lace black panties she was wearing. 

“Thank you Batman. I decided it was time to show my true self,” Harley said dramatically. 

“I like that your true self has such great, big bazongas. Robin, you’ve grown so much.” Joker snickered. 

Harley thrust her chest out, her firsts on her hips. “Now we can explore our true feelings Batman.” Harley grinned as the audience of henchmen chuckled, but when Joker said loudly in his fake overly masculine voice. 

“Well Robin, I admit I’ve always wanted to explore something with you…” He waggled his eyebrows (though the effect was muted with the mask), but the audience roared with laughter. 

Harley was about to say something in response, her mouth open when they, their audience, and everyone watching on the television heard a high pitch whine. 

“Why are we here?” 

Everyone turned to see Riddler, along with Bane, Ivy, and the others walking onto the stage as Frost and Bob brought out more chairs. 

Riddler looked around, noticing the tied up Dr. Pinel and Halley Harrleson and groaned loudly. “OMG, is this about that damn show??!” Riddler, who had Quelle on his arm, started to turn. “I’m leaving,” he stated flatly, but Quelle stopped him. 

“Eddie, come on, we should stay and maybe tell that doctor a thing or two about how great Joker and Harley are together. Please…” she pleaded with him. 

Riddler sighed. “Fine, but only cause I like Harley.” 

Quelle kissed him on the cheek. 

Bane smacked his hands together. “I like this. I shall testify.” 

Croc smiled a little shyly at Harley. “‘Course I will too Harley.” 

Ivy smiled hurrying over to Harley taking her hands and looking Harley up and down. “What has he got you wearing now?” 

Harley pulled Pam into a hug while laughing. “We're doing a comedy skit. I’m Robin.” 

Ivy chuckled. “Well don’t let us interrupt you. You two do your little skit and then we can see about straightening this situation up with Dr. Pinel.” 

“Thanks Ivy, thanks all of you guys for showing up.” Harley beamed, tears dancing like diamonds on her eyes at the fact so many of their friends had showed up. 

Joker was grinning from ear to ear at her. 

Harley winked at him. “Ready to solve a crime Batman?” 

“If the clue is in your panties, then yes, yes I am.” Joker chuckled back with an exaggerated fist pump.


	4. Doctor vs. Doctors

It took several minutes, in which Archie stood in front of the camera holding an “Excuse Our Mess” sign made with cardboard and green glitter (handiwork of Bob), while Bob, Frost and a couple of other gang members from the audience moved the furniture around to accommodate everyone. 

While this was going on, Joker and Harley exited to change clothes again. Joker changed into a blood red, pinstriped suit with an orange dress shirt with a burnt orange colored continental tie pinned with a red jeweled pin. He wore a dark blue vest underneath, a white silk scarf around his neck and dark red leather wing tipped ankle boots. 

Even his socks were fancy, red with orange stripes, but with some sparkling thread that made the socks twinkle when the light caught them. 

While he leaned close to the mirror to put on his lipstick, Harley unzipped the garment bag that Bob had put in the dressing room for her. As the plastic peeled away, Harley squealed. Inside lay a deep red ballgown. 

She vibrated with excitement as she pulled the dress free of the plastic. Joker watched her in the mirror, turning around when she pulled the dress out to hold it against her and fluff out the skirt. 

“Where did you get that?” he asked, his lips only partly done, his eyes wide. 

Harley spun around. “Bob made it for me. I’ve been waiting for a chance to wear it.” 

Joker’s grin was a little lopsided, his blue eyes bright with pleasure. “Well, what are you waiting for? Get it on sweets!” 

Harley giggled as she hung the dress up. She began to strip completely naked. Joker simply stared at her; watching her undress was always a thrill for him. He sucked on his bottom lip, his eyes narrowed slightly as he watched her. His erection swelled a bit, making his pants feel tighter, though Harley was too busy to notice. 

“Puddin, can you come help me with the zipper?” she asked, tossing her Robin outfit over a chair along with her panties. 

Joker grinned, rubbing his gloved hands together while he watched Harley walk naked across the room back to the garment bag. “Helping you with your zippers is one of the things I live for!” he purred. 

Harley laughed as she rummaged around at the bottom of the garment bag. (Joker grinned wider as she bent over, her perfect ass in the air. He reached out and made grabby motions with his fingers. The urge to grab her backside was a powerful draw, but he restrained himself, dropping his hands the moment Harley turned around.) Harley stood up, pulling out a black garter belt with little rosebuds on the belt, and black stockings along with black lace, thong panties. Joker watched her as his wife shimmied into the lace thong. He continued to watch her every movement as she slipped the garter belt on and then sat down to roll the hose up her shapely legs. Then she stood up and attached a knife to her thigh, held by the garter... 

He could feel the beat of his heart in his groin while he watched her, his beautiful wife, his girl. Once she had attached her hose, Harley stood up and lifted the dress off the hanger, walking over to Joker. 

“Can you hold this up for me?” she asked. 

Joker took the dress and gathered up the skirts. “Okay sweets, ready?” 

Harley nodded, her arms up as Joker lowered the dress over her head. He turned her once she had the dress settled at her breasts, her hands holding it in place while Joker pulled the zipper up her back, sealing her in the dress before he stepped back to admire her. 

The dress sparkled, and off-the-shoulder ballgown, but with a deep V-cut in the front that plunged to just above her navel where a transparent, shimmering piece of material highlighted her cleavage. 

She looked breathtaking. 

Joker gave her a lopsided grin and whispered, “Wow.” 

Blushing, Harley giggled. “Wanna help me with my hair?” 

“There is nothing I want more,” Joker purred and he meant it. 

* 

Bane’s chair groaned under his weight as he looked around, somehow conveying confusion from behind his mask while they waited for Joker and Harley to return. 

“Where is the birdman?” he asked, turning to look behind him. “Shouldn't the birdman be here? If he does not come, I shall hunt him down. No man should leave his friends when they are in trouble; the birdman should be here to defend his friends.” Bane slammed a fist against the arm of his chair. 

Croc frowned from where he sat--his chair next to Dr. Pinel’s--and glanced at Ivy. “Birdman? Do we have a Birdman?” 

(Halley, who was staying quiet, was terrified, but this was going to be such a rating boost for her show!! If she lived through this, she was going to have all of Gotham in the palm of her hand! 

She couldn't believe so many of Batman’s most famous criminals were here, right now, in her studio!! The part of her that was terrified was quickly being overwhelmed by the part of her that was thinking what this would do for her show, how this might be her step up into something better, like hosting a national show! Halley wasn’t a religious person, but she prayed that she made it through this night. She blinked slowly as another idea came to her and she quickly added to her prayer, one for Batman to show up. Not only did Batman's presence increase the chances of her living, but having him show up on her show too would be like getting everything she wanted for Christmas!) 

Ivy, who had formed her own chair from one of the studio’s potted plants frowned in thought while she tapped a finger against her chin in thought. “Birdman…Oh, you mean Penguin!” 

“Yes, the Birdman,” Bane said looking at her, and while the mask prevented anyone from seeing his face, Ivy could easily imagine Bane giving her a stern and serious look from behind his mask. 

“Isn’t Crane supposed to be here too?” Quelle asked, looking around as if saying his name would cause Scarecrow to materialize. 

“I think Crane and Penguin are coming together,” Catwoman said from where she lounged in her chair, her legs tossed over the arm as she played with the fake nails at the end of her outfit. 

Riddler stretched his arms out in front of him, fingers laced, all of his knuckles cracking at once. “Well great, the gang will all be here,” he said with just a touch of sarcasm. 

He glanced over at Dr. Pinel and tilted his head. “You know lady, I’ve known some stupid people in my time, but I think you might just take the cake. Though I gotta give it to you, it's ballsy to walk into Gotham and start saying shit about Joker and Harley.” 

Quelle made a face at her. “I think it’s rude. Who gave you the right to judge other people’s relationships, especially since you’ve never even talked to them? How can you possibly know anything about them?” 

Dr. Pinel glanced nervously at Killer Croc who was sitting right next to her and looking at her with an intensity made all the more uncomfortable with his his reptilian eyes. He smiled showing off rows of sharp, fanged teeth. Pinel turned away from him and looked back at Quelle and Riddler. She kept her superior attitude as she answered, head held high. “I’m a doctor, I have a degree from an ivy league school. I don’t need to speak with them in order to make a diagnosis.” She shrugged as much as her bindings would allow. “Besides, it is clear by the unhealthy lifestyle that they lead that Joker has no regard for Dr. Quinzel.” 

A voice rang out. “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about, and I don’t think that’s how a good doctor works.” 

Everyone turned as the curtain was pulled back by Bob and Frost. 

Archie quickly hurried away with his sign letting the cameras once more film the studio. 

* 

Joker and Harley walked out from behind the red curtain. Harley had her arm wrapped around Joker’s and Joker, grinning brightly, held his cane in his free hand. As the two of them strode across the stage to where the others were sitting and waiting, Joker’s cane made a smart click against the floor with each step he took. There were oohs and ahhs coming from the audience as well as Quelle, Catwoman and Ivy, all of whom gasped and clapped when they saw Harley. 

* 

Bob was silently clapping his hands, a look of pure joy on his big round face. 

Frost grinned and elbowed the big man while whispering. “You make both those outfits?” 

Bob nodded with a broad grin. 

Frost nodded. “Good job Bob, they look like the Devil and his bride--I like it.” 

Bob’s eyes lit up and he motioned for Frost to follow him backstage. Frost looked curious for a moment and glanced back out at Joker and Harley before he followed the big man backstage. 

* 

Joker and Harley walked out to the center of the stage, stopping in front of the cameras. Whoever was doing their lighting showed a spotlight down on the clown couple. Joker grinned into the camera as he took Harley’s hand in his. He held her arm up just a little, only the tips of their fingers touched as Joker walked in a circle, with Harley walking around him, her dress sweeping the floor dramatically as she circled him, Joker smiling at everyone. 

* 

Ivy whispered, staring at Harley. “Damn, that dress is gorgeous! Harley looks amazing in it.” She made a face as she admitted, “I suppose the clown compliments her in his suit.” 

Catwoman nodded. “They both look good. I really need to have Bob make me a dress sometime.” 

Ivy nodded her agreement. “I don’t need clothing in the traditional sense, but I would love to wear one of Bob’s creations sometime.” 

Catwoman laughed. “We should encourage Bob to do a runway show, maybe during Fashion Week in Gotham.” 

“Oh that’s a good idea.” Ivy nodded. “A very good idea.” 

“I bet Harley and Joker would love it,” Catwoman added absently. “As much into fashion as those two are. If they could do a costume change during a heist, I’m sure they would.” 

Ivy laughed. “You’re right, they would.” 

They both chuckled while watching as Joker walked Harley around the stage. 

* 

Joker grinned at Harley. She looked magnificent in her dress, her long blonde hair down and curling softly around her shoulders. Her makeup was just right with a bit of red glitter on her eyelids and ruby red lipstick that matched his own. 

“Remind me to tell you that I love you Harls,” Joker purred. 

“Thank you for reminding me to remind you…” Harley giggled as he walked with her toward the cameras before she whispered. “I’m reminding you to remind me to remind you to tell you that you love me puddin.” 

Joker chuckled. “Thank you for reminding me pumpkin.” 

After a moment Joker’s smile took on a softer look as he said softly. “I love you.” 

Harley giggled, turning to gaze at him. “I love you too.” 

He couldn’t stand it. Yes they were supposed to go and talk to that repulsive Dr. Pinel, but Harley looked too good for him not to take advantage of it and yelled without looking at anyone in particular, his eyes only on Harley. “Music!!” 

There was an awkward pause before music began to play, a simple, slow piano piece. 

Joker tossed his cane, trusting someone to catch it. (Archie easily caught the cane only cursing at the last minute when he realized he should have let it hit him in the face, might have killed him.) Joker pulled Harley into his arms and started to dance with her. 

Harley giggled while gazing up into his blue eyes. “Puddin, we don’t have time for this…” 

“My sweet pumpkin, there is always time for dancing. If there isn’t time to dance, then what are we doing with our lives?” He laughed softly and spun her out from his arms, then slowly around him before pulling her back up against him. “There is always time to dance with a beautiful woman, especially--and only--when she’s my wife.” He quirked a green brow at her. “I’ll always make time to dance with you pumpkin, no matter when, or where…” He brushed his nose against hers as he waltzed her around the stage, all while ignoring their guests. “Dancing says that you are safe my sweet, I have you in the protection of my arms and nothing can harm you. I’ll always have your back pumpkin.” 

Harley smiled softly. “Oh puddin…” 

Joker grinned at her. “The waltz also shows off how good I am on my feet.” 

Harley giggled, letting herself be dipped back while Joker pressed a kiss to the front of her throat before he whispered. “I’ll never drop you sweets, I’ll always keep you safe.” 

Harley looked up at him and whispered back. “I know you will puddin.” 

* 

While Joker and Harley were finishing up their dance, Bob came out from behind the curtains carrying a large, fake, cheap, painted gold throne with threadbare red velvet cushions. Behind him carrying a second one came Frost. 

The two of them carried the thrones to the little circle of chairs and set them down. 

Riddler groaned. “Oh well that is just perfect, giving that clown a throne…” 

Halley giggled when she saw the thrones (her fear making her a little giddy.) “Oh god I forgot about those things! We had them as part of a Halloween show we did…” She frowned in thought. “It had something to do with Alice in Wonderland.” 

Bane laughed, pointing at her. “I remember that Halloween, the Halloween theme was Alice in Wonderland, but then Jervis showed up.” He looked at everyone else sitting there. “Do any of you remember that? He took over the Tea Party float?” 

Riddler chuckled and nodded as he sat back and crossed his legs. “Oh yeah, I remember that one too. He got hats on a bunch of the parade people and it was just chaos!” He shook his head. “Jervis can never hold anything together for long, though. That little scene started to fall apart the minute Jervis’ March Hare committed suicide off the float.” 

“Then Batman showed up too.” Bane chuckled, gesturing at Riddler. “That was too bad. I remember whoever was filming got a good shot of Batman punching the tar out of Jervis, really bloody stuff, got a nice closeup on live TV…” Bane shook his head sadly. “That was the last time we had a Halloween parade in Gotham.” 

Joker spun around Harley just as the music ended and dipped her one more time before bringing her back up on her feet so he could steal a proper kiss from her. Harley wrapped her arms around his shoulders, giggling with pleasure before her husband released her and walked her over to their little group of chairs only to stop midstep and squeal. 

“WE HAVE THRONES!!!” 

Harley giggled. “We have thrones?” She looked around to see Bob waving at her. 

Frost laughed. “Bob saw them in the back.” 

Halley added with a giggle. “They’re from one of our Halloween shows.” 

“Well, my good wife, shall we?” Joker grinned at her bowing, his hand out. 

“I think we shall.” Harley took his hand and the two of them glided over to the thrones to take their seats. 

Joker waved at the cameras once he and Harley were sitting on their thrones. “Hello folks!! Now it’s time for the nitty gritty part of our show, the real reason we’re here. We’re gonna play a little judge and jury…” He looked at Harley, then turned his head to look back at the thrones, his eyes sparkling. “...Oh a little royal justice from the Prince and Princess of Crime! We are taking these thrones when we leave,” he added with a look over at Halley who simply grinned. 

“Sure, of course,” she added while nodding her head in agreement. 

“Good. Now…” Joker happily smacked his hands against the arms of his throne as he looked over at Dr. Pinel who was holding herself up ramrod straight (or at least as straight as she could in her bindings.) “You, Dr. Monica Pinel…” He looked at Harley. “That’s her name right?” 

“You got it right puddin.” Harley smiled at him and stroked his cheek. 

Joker leaned into her touch like a cat enjoying the stroking of his cheek before continuing. “All right…we’ll pick that up later,” he said in a loud stage whisper to Harley who giggled and wrinkled her nose. “Where...oh right? Dr. Monica Pinel, you’ve been accused of spreading slanderous lies and making false accusations. How do you plea?” 

“I did nothing wrong. All evidence…” Dr. Pinel began, but Harley got to her feet pointing at the doctor. “You have no evidence at all!! What evidence?!” 

Joker took Harley gently by the wrist and tugged her back to her seat. “Now pumpkin…” 

Harley flopped back down onto the chair, crossed her arms over her chest and glared at the doctor. 

Joker started again, but that was when they heard Penguin. “Now where are we going?” 

“This way Oswald,” Crane answered. 

From off to the left Penguin, Lark, and Crane came wandering onto the stage. 

“Oh, good evening everyone.” Crane, in his full Scarecrow costume, waved. He looked for all the world like a more frightening Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. Beside him, in his tux and top hat was Penguin, with Lark on his arm dressed in a tight, short, black dress. 

Lark saw Harley and waved. “Hey Harls!! Oh damn, I love that dress!!” 

Harley giggled standing up. “Isn’t it to die for!! Bob made it!” 

“Oh it’s gorgeous! Oh, Hey Quelle, Sel…” Lark caught herself and instead said. “Catwoman.” Selina waved at her. “Hey, you here to defend the clowns?” 

“‘Course I am. I’m kind of surprised to see you here,” Lark observed. 

Selina shrugged. “I hated knowing how much this would upset Harley so...here I am.” She smiled cat-like. “Besides, might need to run some interference from the big bad Bat.” 

Lark nodded with a smile. “My boss is here to defend them too, aren’t you Oswald?” Lark looked down at Penguin with a smile. 

Penguin shrugged. “I suppose. These clowns are a lot of things, but abusive to each other is not one of them, and we occasionally cross in business...” 

“I do believe the doctor is accusing Joker of being abusive, not Harley,” Crane added as they walked over to the little circle just as Frost and Bob brought out more chairs. 

Joker chuckled. “Oh this is just like an episode of Maury!! Are we gonna find out that Penguin’s is the father of Riddler, because I would totally believe that!” 

Penguin grumbled. “I did not father that asshole.” 

Riddler didn’t bother to respond. He simply gave both Joker and Penguin the middle finger, as aggressively as possible. 

Joker ignored him. “All right, where were we again? Ah, yes Dr. Pinel…” 

“You can defend yourselves all you want, it doesn’t change the facts,” Pinel said, but Harley growled. 

“And what facts are those?” 

“That you are a victim of Stockholm Syndrome, you allowed yourself to fall under the Joker’s spell instead of keeping your professional distance. He ensnared you in his trap using your compassion and ignorance to manipulate you. He then used you to escape from Arkham Asylum. You became delusional, believed that he loves you, which allowed Joker to kidnap you. He kept you around because he could heap abuse onto you, calling you derogatory pet names like pumpkin or sweets. He has yelled abuse at you, humiliated you and…” 

Harley sat up straight, pointing at the doctor. “Whoa, stop right there. He didn’t manipulate me into helping him escape--that was my idea, lady. AND I am not stupid!” 

Dr. Pinel looked smug as she said with a smile. “I didn’t call you stupid.” 

“Yes, you did. You implied that Joker manipulating me was my own fault, which he didn’t. And you said my ignorance was what allowed him to use me. I’m not stupid lady. I have a degree.” 

“That you hide behind,” interjected Pinel. “What is the old saying, C’s get degrees?” Pinel lifted an accusing brow at Harley who practically spat at her. 

“I’ll have you know I got A’s and a few B’s in college.” 

“Yes, but isn’t the story that you slept your way into some of those grades?” Pinel asked with a mock innocent expression on her face. 

“You BITCH!! I did not sleep with my professors!” Harley started to get up, but Joker grasped her wrist and tugged her back. “Sweets, she’s just baiting you.” 

Harley sat down with a growl. 

Joker smiled pleasantly, putting his chin in his hand as he leaned on the arm of his throne, his blue eyes on Dr. Pinel. 

“I didn’t realize I was that charming.” 

“You’re not,” Ivy added from her plant chair. “Believe me, you think you are, but you’re not. No, Harley breaking Joker out of Arkham was all her idea because she’s in love with him.” 

Joker wrinkled his nose at her, but Ivy ignored him, her attention on Dr. Pinel. “That’s one aspect of your argument that doesn’t jive Doctor. You’re saying that the Joker is charming enough to manipulate a doctor into releasing him and that’s what he’s done with Harley, correct?” 

“Yes. He has a record of getting doctors or other staff at the asylum to do things for him,” Pinel said with a frown. 

“Yeah, he also had a record of driving staff members at Arkham insane too. Well doctor…” Ivy managed to fill the word doctor with enough sarcasm that it was a surprise that Dr. Pinel didn’t flinch. “...there’s also a big difference between getting someone to do something out of fear or ignorance versus being charming. Joker is not charming.” Ivy started looking at everyone else for confirmation. “He tries to be, but he isn’t. Not even a little bit.” 

Joker muttered. “Now I think I’m being insulted.” 

Everyone nodded, Riddler adding loudly. “He’s an asshole most of the time.” 

Joker chuckled and shrugged. “Okay, that’s very true.” 

“But you’re my asshole puddin,” Harley cooed caressing his chin. 

Joker chuckled leaning into her touch. 

“He can be very manipulative, but I have to agree with Ivy. Charming is not a feature I would assign to Joker,” Penguin said with a grin. “No offense Joker.” 

Joker made a face. “Well I am offended, but considering what we’re all here for, I’ll let it slide--but I won’t forget…” His voice turned stern and dark, then quickly switched back to light as he added. “... as long as Harls thinks I’m charming, that’s the only person I care about, so there.” He stuck his tongue out at Penguin. 

Harley giggled. “I do think you’re charming puddin.” She stroked his jawline with the back of her fingers. “I think you’re handsome and sexy. You make me laugh, and you’re fantastic in bed.” 

She sighed happily while gazing at him. “You really do it for me puddin. No one else knows you the way I do puddin.” 

They stared into each other’s eyes. Joker grinned, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. 

“My beautiful pumpkin poo,” he cooed before he added loudly. “Hear that?! I’m fantastic in bed!” 

He turned back to Harley. “Remind me to tell you that I love you.” 

“Okay puddin as long as you remind me to tell you that I love you too.” Harley leaned close and rubbed her nose against his. 

Joker said in a soft voice, “This is your reminder to remind me to remind you that you love me.” 

“Well this is your reminder to remind me to remind you that you love me.” Harley giggled, both of them rubbing their noses playfully together. 

Ivy sighed, rolling her eyes before she continued. “If Joker liked to charm female doctors, orderlies, or nurses, he would have used that tactic on more than one occassion before Harley, except he never did. No one has ever broken him out of Arkham except Harley. If charm was in Joker’s arsenal, he would have been using it before and after Harley.” Ivy glared at the doctor. 

Catwoman spoke up. “And I’ve never seen Joker manipulate Harley to do anything. Hell, if there is any manipulation going on in their relationship, I would say it’s on Harley’s end. She can convince Joker to do pretty much anything.” 

Joker chuckled, nodding. “That’s very true. I’d do anything for you pumpkin.” He kissed Harley’s knuckles again causing her to shudder in delight, flutter her eyelashes and giggle like they were courting. “Oh puddin, you are so easy to convince to do things. Remember when we tattooed that clown face on that one guy?” 

“Well if you weren’t so charming…” Joker laughed. “I do remember that!! It was hilarious! Is he still alive or did we kill him?” Joker frowned in thought. 

Harley laughed. “I think we shot him because he was pretty angry about it.” 

Joker nodded, stroking his lips across her knuckles. “I think you’re right sweets. Sometimes I can’t keep track.” He shrugged and looked pointedly at Dr. Pinel. “So, if Harley likes to manipulate me, maybe I’m just weak.” He laughed. “Or I’m ruled by the power of my Harley boner?!” 

Harley giggled and added. “Vroom, vroom!” 

“Crotch rocket!!” Joker laughed. “Oh wait, do we have to censor that? Nah…nevermind!” Joker waved at the camera. “This is Gotham!” 

Pinel shook her head, then looked at each of them, but especially Harley. “He is a mass murdering, sociopath, a psychotic clown. Someone like him cannot form lasting bonds with another human being.” 

Harley smiled smugly. “Well, you’re clearly wrong there.” 

Bane raised a hand, causing everyone to look over at him. He turned his head a little shyly before he spoke. “I have seen the clown and Harley together many times. He would do anything to please Harley and she would do anything to please him. Who among us wouldn’t do anything to please the ones they love? Love is about give and take, about partnership, and friendship. These two are not just murdering clowns; they are passionate lovers, devoted completely to one another. They cheer each other on, are there for one another. I have not seen love like theirs often,” Bane said solemnly. “I am jealous and wish I could find what these two have and for you to come to our city and say such things about them.” He shook his head. “You deserve whatever judgement they decide as far as I’m concerned.” 

Harley smiled. “Oh Bane, that was beautiful.” 

Bane ducked his head, but said softly, “I only speak the truth.” 

Penguin nodded. Looking over at Dr. Pinel, he said, “You should have seen him at this roller derby game. Harley convinced him to let her skate, dangerous as it can b. He was cheering her on like a maniac. I’ve seen him kill people for insulting her.” 

Riddler nodded as well, pointing at Penguin. “Remember that time she wanted to steal that car…” 

Penguin laughed. “Oh yeah, I remember that and remember the bachelor party, those two couldn’t have bachelor parties separately. They desperately needed to be together.” 

Croc chuckled, the sound a deep rumble in his chest. “I remember when they were hiding from Batman in my sewer, but were too excited to keep their hands off each other. I caught them in one of my tunnels.” 

Lark chuckled. “I think all of us have caught them having sex.” 

Riddler groaned and muttered with chagrin, “I’ve not forgotten about my van.” 

Crane added, his voice only slightly muffled by his mask. “I’ve never seen them acting anything but perfectly in love with each other. If Harley had Stockholm Syndrome or was in any way being held and controlled by the Joker, there would be an underlying current of fear in her. Harley Quinn is not afraid of the Joker, not even a little bit. It is my professional opinion that she is co-dependent, obsessed, but also, in love. As for the Joker, my diagnosis would be the same. They need each other. If they were to be separated, then that is when what little sanity they each have would break. One cannot survive for long without the other.” He shrugged. “It may not be technically healthy, but I believe it works for them. Many couples come to depend on each other for their mental and physical well being and happiness.” 

Ivy smiled, but her gaze on Pinel wasn’t kind. “You see, you don’t really know anything about them…” 

“But I thought you didn’t approve of Joker? I thought you hated him.” Pinel’s voice was a little higher than she intended as she started to realize that she might not have control over the situation after all. “You’ve been on the record saying as much.” She looked around. “I thought all of you hated the Joker.” 

Joker pouted. “Wow, way to bruise a man’s ego lady.” 

Harley growled. “I’m gonna kill her.” 

Ivy laughed. “First of all, I don’t like most humans. Second, I’ve been on the record saying he annoys me, which he does…” 

Someone from the audience yelled. “That’s right!! He’s annoying and his jokes are lame!!” 

This was followed by several voices yelling, with one ringing out clearly. “Shut the fuck up Jerry!!” 

Joker narrowed his eyes though he couldn’t see into the audience because of the stage lights and yelled. “Jerry!! We’re gonna have an HR meeting after this!!” 

“You fucked up now Jerry!” someone yelled followed by several gang members hissing. “Oooh!!!” 

Ivy pursed her lips and continued once the noise died down. “...No one will ever be good enough for my friend. I love her, but that being said, I can't deny that Joker loves her. He loves her completely. Yes, they are a couple of co-dependent nutcases, but they are completely and utterly devoted to each other. No, their love isn’t perfect, but love is never perfect. It takes work--working together.” 

Frost stepped forward. “I’ve been working for the Boss since before Miss Quinn. Bob and I both have.” Bob hurried over to Frost’s side and waved at Dr. Pinel. “We both watched the Boss fall in love with Miss Quinn. No one but Miss Quinn knows the Boss better than we do and I can say honestly, he loves her. The Boss is completely devoted to Miss Quinn. He’d never say a bad thing to her, or lay a hand on her. Miss Quinn is his partner Dr. Pinel. They are in love and they are good for each other.” 

Frost shrugged glancing at Bob. “That’s all we wanted to say.” 

Harley beamed at Frost and Bob. “Thank you.” 

Joker turned to focus his full attention on Dr. Pinel, which made the woman squirm a bit. “Harley is free to leave me anytime she wants…” 

“Puddin! I would never leave you.” Harley looked upset by the very idea. 

Joker smiled at her and caressed her cheek. “I know pumpkin, but if you ever did...I would let you go. Isn’t that what they say? If you love something set it free, if it’s yours it’ll come back...or is it you go drag it back kicking and screaming? I’m not sure...either way.” 

Harley held his hands, speaking more to Joker than to Pinel. “You only set something free if it’s held captive. I’m not a captive puddin: I’m your girl and you’re my clown. We belong together.” 

Harley leaned across her throne and kissed him. 

Joker melted into her, returning her kiss. 

Pinel was not willing to give up her assertions. She knew she was right and she was not going to let these crazy, psychotic fools ruin her character on live television. 

“You are clearly delusional. There is no way either of you would know what a healthy relationship was...that goes for all of you.” Pinel looked around at each of the villains. Harley broke off kissing Joker and lunged to her feet, turning to stare at Dr. Pinel. 

“You know what your issue is Dr. Pinel? You think you’re better than all of us. Well you’re not, not by a long shot. Each of us is smarter than you. We all have degrees, most of us do anyway, and even if we don’t, we’re all geniuses!” She moved a little closer to the doctor, but this time Joker didn’t stop her. Instead he only grinned while watching Harley with pleasure clear in his gaze as he waited to see what she would do. “And you know what Dr. Pinel? I’m a doctor too! As you should know I have a degree in psychiatry, and I can diagnose you just like you’ve been trying to diagnose me and my puddin’s relationship. And you know what I see? I see a neurotic, opinionated, materialistic, ambitious, conceited woman with Narcissistic Personality disorder who will bend reality to absurdity in order to be right despite overwhelming evidence against her.” 

Joker clapped. “You tell her Harls!” He looked over at Bane. “That’s my girl.” 

“Wait a minute…” Harley’s voice became soft with confusion as she stared at Dr. Pinel, realizing that something about the woman, now she was really looking at her, seemed familiar. She couldn’t place what it was, but there was definitely something around the eyes. “How did you know about that rumor in college…?” 

“What rumor? What are you talking about?” Dr. Pinel glared at Harley. 

“About me sleeping with my professors? I mean it was a rumor and all, but that was like...a while ago...who did you talk to?” Harley asked, her hands on her hips as she glared down at the doctor and tilted her head to the side. “I know for a fact at least two of my professors are dead…” 

“I talked to a lot of people, your former classmates,” Pinel answered, but Harley had stepped closer, her skirts making a soft rustle as she stared even harder at the bound woman. 

“I want some names,” Harley hissed. “And where did you go to college?” 

Dr. Pinel stuttered. “I, ah…” 

“I know you don’t I?” Harley asked, her eyes widening. “You look different, but I know you...Monica…” Harley frowned then turned to Frost. “Frost, look up everything you can on Dr. Monica Pinel and also look up a Monica Pazinski.” 

Dr. Pinel’s voice stuttered. “Who is that?” 

“I went to college with a Monica Pazinki, a homely girl with a huge nose, mousy brown hair, and this horrible overbite. She hated me because I was prettier than her and good in my classes while Monica struggled to make a C. I remember her because she was the one who started the rumors about me sleeping with my professors.” Harley snarled. “She tried spreading all sorts of rumors about me, but not just that one. She told people I gave blowjobs to the football team, that I plagiarized my thesis paper, and then she tried to convince others that I didn't even get my degree. When I got the job at Arkham, I remember she was pissed about it.” Harley rubbed her chin. “Then she disappeared.” 

For the first time since they had begun to talk, Halley Harrleson spoke up. “Wait a minute, what is your degree Dr. Pinel?” 

Frost spoke up. “Dr. Pinel is listed as only having a BA in psychology. She never received a PhD.” 

“What about Monica Pazinki?” Harley turned to Frost who was looking at his phone. “Monica Pazinki... never finished her bachelor's degree in...psychology…” He looked up. “But she did marry a billionaire who worked as a plastic surgeon from Metropolis.” 

Harley narrowed her eyes. “If I remember right, Monica didn’t drop out of school. She was kicked out for plagiarism…” Harley tapped her chin, then said sweetly. “I bet you never earned that degree did you Monica Pazinki? I bet your husband just bought you a piece of paper, just like he bought you a new face, didn’t he Monica Pazinki!?” Harley pointed at the other woman like she had just found the killer in an Agatha Christie movie. “That’s why you’re doing all this--because you hate me! It isn’t because you really care, you just want to write sensational books, filled with no research and lies to make money. You came here just to try and ruin my relationship with Joker because you’ve hated me since college!! 

Monica opened her mouth to answer, but that was when there was the sound of something large moving above them. Someone screamed as suddenly four figures slammed to the floor. 

Batman, Robin, Batgirl, and Nightwing all landed on the floor. 

Joker squealed, clapping his hands. “Oh, I love it when he does the superhero landing pose!!” 

All the other villains yelled as they leaped to their feet. 

“Joker! Harley Quinn! Your little show is over,” Batman growled deeply. 

Joker stood, taking Harley’s hand, both of them smiling. “Oh Batman, you act like Harley and I wouldn’t be prepared for you.” 

He winked at Batman just as several nets fell down on the batfamily from above.


	5. A Talk with Gordon

The screen was once more filled with the cardboard sign held by Archie, but after several minutes in which the sounds of cursing followed by Harley or Joker calling out directions, the sign was removed to reveal several more seats that had been brought into their little circle. Now Batman, Robin, Batgirl, and Nightwing were tied up snuggly and sitting in the chairs, all of them with expression ranging from fury, to embarrassment, and lastly--and strangely some viewers thought--some slight amusement. 

The camera focused once more on Joker and Harley who were sitting on their thrones. 

Joker grinned at Harley, kissing the knuckles of her hand before turning back to the camera. 

“And we’re back! Tonight we have some more very special guests: Batsy, Batsy Female version, a Robin--have no idea which one this is. The Bat does seem to go through them like toilet paper and lastly...ah…” Joker looked over to Harley. “What’s that one called?” He motioned over at Nightwing. 

Nightwing looked both insulted and annoyed. 

“Nightwing puddin,” Harley answered with a sweet smile. 

Joker wrinkled his nose at her and grinned. “Thank you cupcake.” He turned back to the camera giving the viewing audience one of his trademark Joker smiles. “It’s like one big happy family reunion!! I could almost cry!” He reached up and faked a wipe at non-existent tears. 

Harley giggled. “It’s so nice when family comes together for a good cause.” 

Batman snarled. “I am not here for your cause!” 

Joker made a face at the vigilante, sticking out his tongue before he imitated Batman’s deep voice perfectly, dropping his own voice several octaves. “I’m not here for your cause!” Joker and Harley both started to laugh with Joker slapping his knee. “Oh Batsy, you are so funny. Now, where were we when Batsy and his little baby bats arrived?” 

Harley sucked on her bottom lip for a moment before she whispered. “Puddin, two are birds.” 

Joker frowned a moment, then smiled. “You’re right Harls, two bats and two birds, though what the hell is a Nightwing?” 

“Pretentious, that’s what,” Harley said, making a face at Nightwing who glared at her. 

Joker shrugged. “All right, let’s try again. We have two bats…” He held up two fingers on one gloved hand. “...and two birds...” He smiled at Harley holding up another two fingers on his other hand. “...have dropped in. Now, where were we?” he asked looking around at everyone. 

Harley glared at Dr. Pinel. “I was discovering that Dr. Pinel is actually Monica Pazinki, a girl I knew in college who hated my guts and tried to ruin my reputation then, and now she’s here to try and ruin my relationship with my puddin!” Harley stood up and pointed at Dr. Pinel. “AND she is trying to turn Gotham against us!” 

Joker giggled and clapped his hands, gazing up at her with complete devotion and love, clearly impressed with her. “OH Harls, this all so very Scooby Doo!” 

“You’re right!” Harley gasped. “Maybe I should go see if she’s wearing a mask.” 

Dr. Pinel looked momentarily afraid. “You wouldn’t hurt me on television…” she said in protest, but she didn’t sound so sure. 

Harley’s smile looked nasty and promised pain. “You clearly didn’t do your homework Monica if you don’t think I won’t.” 

The Penguin frowned. “Well if this is going to get messy, I’m going to leave.” 

Harley made a face at him and rolled her eyes. “Fine, not yet...maybe later.” She glared at Dr. Pinel before taking her seat next to Joker again. 

Dr. Pinel glared at Harley. It was clear her hatred for Harley was stronger than her self-preservation. “Yes I hated you in school, acting like you had a brain in that bubble-brained blonde head of yours when everyone knew you were fucking your way to your grades!” 

Harley started to get up, her blue eyes flashing, but Joker grabbed her by her waist when she stood and pulled her onto his lap. 

Harley didn’t struggle, but instead, when Joker wrapped his arms around her waist she put her hands over his arms. He could feel she was shaking with rage while Dr. Pinel, clearly on a roll, kept going. 

“I also think that you suffered from hybristophilia or…” Dr. Pinel looked toward the camera, Harley didn’t know if the woman thought she was going to get out of this was trying to save her book or reputation, or what, but Monica Pinel spoke to the camera. “...the Bonnie and Clyde Syndrome.” She sneered, turning back to glare at Harley. “You’re not in love with Joker. You are a weak woman who can’t find love or be sexually aroused in the normal way. Maybe you think you can change him into a docile little puppy, or maybe you think he needs you like he’s some lost kitten, or maybe it’s because you are also a self-serving narcissist? Or more likely you are just some sick fangirl that got further than the others. Either way, it doesn’t matter because you don’t love him either.” Dr. Pinel looked at all of them. “That goes for every one of you women--you are all weak willed whores…” 

Harley gasped, trying to stand again only to have Joker hold her in place. “WHAT?” 

Joker looked stunned, his voice a soft whisper of shock. “What did she just say?” 

Riddler cringed. “Ouch, that was pretty nasty.” 

Lark growled. “Damn it, I want to kill her now.” 

Penguin sat up straight. “That was rude.” 

Catwoman hissed. “Bitch.” 

Bane shook his head and glanced at Croc who looked shocked, or as shocked as a crocodile man could look. 

Crane muttered. “I do believe Dr. Pinel, you have your own narcissistic personality…” 

Dr. Pinel snapped at Crane. “Shut up you inferiority complex suffering, narcissistic sociopath!” 

Crane jerked in his seat as if he’d been slapped. 

Batgirl suddenly spoke up. “I think you’re wrong Dr. Pinel. Harley Quinn loves Joker and he loves her. I’ve seen the way they treat each other. I mean…” She looked around. “I’ve not seen it as much as say, Batman or Nightwing…” 

Batman made a sound that was close to a growl as Batgirl continued. “...but those two can’t be apart. I mean I’ll be honest. I don’t know a lot about love, but…” She shrugged, though the ropes around her made it difficult. “...but they go out of their way to be together. They defend each other and they...” She frowned, trying to think of the correct phrasing. “...they fight for each other. I’ve seen and heard of things that Joker has done for Harley and he’s not the type of man to do anything for anyone other than himself otherwise.” 

Joker pouted. “That’s not true! I’m very generous! I believe in sharing!” 

Harley giggled and added. “...pranks, gags, grenades, gas bombs, bullets…” 

He grinned at her and kissed her cheek. “Exactly.” 

They both giggled. Joker turned Harley’s face gently, his fingertips on her chin, and smiled at her. 

“My sweet pumpkin poo,” he whispered. 

Harley purred. “My puddin.” 

They kissed, a slow, sensual kiss that could easily turn into something more erotic, but Robin decided now would be a good time for him to say something, mostly because he didn’t want to see Joker and Harley start becoming friskier...he had seen that more than enough times that any questions he had about sex had been answered long before sex education in high school. 

Robin pitched his voice a little high to draw attention to him. “She’s right. I mean they don’t have a healthy or typical relationship, for sure, but they aren’t healthy people. You can’t expect them to act like everyone else, but as far as they are concerned, I would say they love each other.” 

Harley and Joker turned their attention on Robin. Harley giggled. “Aww! Thank you birdbrain!” 

Joker grinned caressing Harley’s back. “I think I like this one a little better than the last one, though I can’t be sure--they all look alike.” He added in a loud whisper. “I think Batman has a fetish.” He grinned causing Harley to giggle. 

Nightwing shifted in his seat as much as his binding would allow. He was sitting next to Batman on his left while Robin was on Batman’s right with Batgirl next to Robin. Nightwing had been working to slowly loosen his fingers of one hand from the ropes. He had thought he was going to dislocate one of his fingers, but he managed to twist his hand slowly until the fingers popped free. Bob (along with Frost and a couple of other gang members) had tied him up and he had to give the big man credit; he knew not just to secure everyone’s arms, and to secure their hands and fingers as well, but Nightwing had taken lessons from a contortionist once… 

Batman glanced over at the young man, catching movement from the corner of his eye. He didn’t see quite what Nightwing was doing, but the young man was clever. He quickly looked away as Nightwing decided to speak up, at the same time his fingers slowly pulled out one of his wing dings. 

“I’ve had a chance to talk to Harley on one occassion…” 

Everyone turned to look at Nightwing, and the young man frowned slightly. “When Batman and I brought the two of them into Arkham one time, I asked her why she had thrown away her career to be with Joker…” Nightwing looked over at Harley while he spoke, ignoring the frown leveled at him from Joker. “...I thought it was sad that such an accomplished, beautiful woman had thrown away everything for a psychotic clown who I thought didn’t love her either, but she told me there were things that none of us understood about Joker that she did. She said that she loved him because of who he was, not who he could be. She didn’t want to change him because then he wouldn’t be the man she loved.” He shrugged. “She said she loved that he made her laugh, but that he touched something in her that no one had ever reached before. I won’t say I fully understand, but I do understand loving someone, faults and all. She loves him, and I would say Joker loves her because he could have left her behind at any time, could have killed her if he didn’t want her around, but he’s never done that, never laid a finger on her. Believe me, if the Joker didn’t want her around, Harley wouldn’t be around.” He shrugged again. “It’s as simple as that.” 

Joker nodded and whispered loudly. “Yeah, I like this one, though I don’t know how he runs around in that outfit with all his bits showing like that.” 

Harley whispered though she gave Nightwing a smile which he could see was a thank you. “I think that outfit might make him sterile.” 

Nightwing blushed, but said nothing. 

Dr. Pinel hissed, glaring at everyone now. “You know what you are Harley?” She called her Harley instead of Harleen, infusing the new name with such sarcasm and derision that it was like a slam to Harley’s face. “You are just a possession to him, a broken toy! Joker doesn’t love you, he only wants to possess you. Everything he does in regards to you is about possessing you. You are a toy to him, something to play with, break, and eventually throw away. He’ll get tired of you and one day you’ll find a gun to your head, then you’ll realize how I was right and you were wrong!” 

Harley gasped, but Joker stood up, taking Harley with him as he pointed a finger at Dr. Pinel. He was clearly upset, not annoyed or angry, but genuinely upset. “Take that back!! That isn’t true at all! I would die for her!” His voice rose in pitch. 

Dr. Pinel grinned thinking she had the upper hand. “Would you? I doubt it, because the only person you really love is yourself and Batman!” 

Joker gasped, putting a hand to his chest as if he had been stabbed. 

Harley gasped, her arms tightening around Joker’s waist. 

Everyone gasped. 

Silence fell only to be broken by Batman’s deep voice. “No. Joker doesn’t love me.” 

Everyone turned to stare at Batman who glared back (somehow glaring at everyone), but continued. “I’ve been fighting Joker for years. We have…” He swallowed and though it was hard to tell under the mask, he was uncomfortable. “...we have a relationship of a sorts. Joker does something horrific and I put him down and drag him to Arkham. We have an understanding as well--we both were modeled by tragedy.” 

“I am?” Joker asked, looking confused before asking. “Do you know something I don’t Batsy? Because if you do, keeping secrets between friends puts a strain on our friendship.” He waggled a finger at Batman who growled. 

“We are not friends.” 

Joker sat back down, taking Harley once more onto his lap. He pouted and took Harley’s hand, kissing her knuckles while he sulked. “He’s so mean sometimes. I don’t know why I continue to have playdates with him.” 

“I know puddin,” Harley purred in response and shot a dark look at Batman. “You should be nicer to my puddin.” 

Batman ignored them. He hated doing this, but he felt compelled to tell the truth in regards to the clowns. One, if the clowns felt like Gotham was taking Dr. Pinel’s side against them concerning their relationship, there was no telling what they might do in anger, revenge, a need to prove everyone wrong. Who knew what they would do, or how far they would go? 

He didn’t want to find out. 

But, second, he couldn’t lie. No. He could lie, but even in regards to these two, his lying about their relationship would be just him trying to be cruel. He harbored a lot of negative feelings about the two of them, but he couldn’t deny or ignore that Joker and Harley Quinn, in their own twisted, co-dependent, and psychotic way, loved each other. 

He glanced over at Selina who was watching him, waiting to see what he would say. He could tell by the set of her lips that she was waiting to see if he would lie. He rubbed his own lips together as he thought about what to say. 

He glanced over at Robin who was also looking at him, as were Nightwing and Batgirl. They were all waiting to see what he would say or do--along with many Gothamites viewing this pirated program. 

He took a breath through his nose and continued. “After Joker met Dr. Quinzel, something changed in him. I couldn’t put my finger on it at first, but there was something different about him, a distraction that had never been there before. I wasn’t aware of Dr. Quinzel at the time. I knew he was seeing a new doctor at Arkham, but Joker had been through so many doctors, I didn’t give her another thought; but then, once Dr. Quinzel had fully changed into Harley Quinn, Joker changed.” Batman sighed and looked over at Joker and Harley who were both watching him intently. “I would say that the Joker came to care about someone, about her. The Joker caring about something at all took me by surprise.” 

Batman looked over at Dr. Pinel. “But, I know him: I know him as well as anyone. I know how he feels about other people, how he treats them. He doesn’t treat Harley Quinn like a possession. I’ve seen him to do that to other people, to gang members, hostages, treat them like playthings that he can break and throw away, but he has never treated Harley as something he owns, nor has he treated her as expendable. He has gone out of his way to protect her, to include her in his schemes. I’ve seen him shoot people for insulting her and I’ve seen him torture people for hurting her.” Batman growled on his last word, clearly fighting with himself for saying this. “I do not see murder as a form of...love. Murder is never the right answer.” Batman sighed, clearly reluctant to say what he was about to say. “But I believe the Joker loves her. He even went so far as to marry her Dr. Pinel. That is not a step the Joker would have taken lightly. I have to disagree with you, the Joker loves Harley Quinn, and Harley Quinn loves the Joker. It might not be love like we think of it, but he loves her.” 

Joker gasped. “Batsy!!! I knew you cared!” 

Batman growled in response. 

Harley blinked looking surprised. “I...I can’t believe you said that…” 

Batman growled. “Now, let the doctor and Miss Harrleson go.” 

Dr. Pinel actually glared at Batman. “You haven’t any room to talk, Batman. Did you forget I was also going to be talking about your relationship with Catwoman?” 

Catwoman sat up straight. “Oh, now don’t you dare…” 

Batman growled. “My relationship with Catwoman is none of your business Dr. Pinel.” 

Dr. Pinel sneered. “Why not? Are you afraid of what I have to say?” 

Batman glared at the woman. She really didn’t have any sense of self-preservation--or tact--and her own self-important vanity was more important to her than her own life. He frowned. Her words were reducing the chances of him being able to save her from Joker and Harley, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. 

Joker started to respond, finding this little fight interesting, but that was when Archie walked into the middle of the stage pointing with his thumb over his shoulder “Boss, the cops are here.” 

Batman growled. “It’s over Joker. Release the ladies.” 

Joker laughed, cuddling Harley closer. “Over?? It’s not over, Batman. The party is just beginning!” 

That was when they all heard a bullhorn sounding from outside the building. 

“JOKER! HARLEY QUINN!! RELEASE THE HOSTAGES AND COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP! THAT GOES FOR ALL OF YOU!” 

Joker frowned, turning to look at each of their friends. “Oh?! Is that Gordon?” 

Harley nodded. “I think it is puddin!” 

Joker laughed looking at the rest of Batman’s rogue’s gallery who was there. “Wow, you guys didn’t even get your names mentioned.” 

Penguin sighed. “Well, we haven’t really done anything wrong…” 

Batman growled. “By not releasing the hostages, you’ve aided and abetted.” 

Penguin sighed glancing at Lark. “Put a call in to my lawyer would you dear? I don’t think a ‘duty to rescue’ applies here, but let’s be certain.” 

Lark pulled out a cellphone. “You got it Pengy.” 

Batman gave Penguin a sour look. He had dealt with Oswald’s lawyer personally as Bruce Wayne; the man was a good lawyer in that he knew how to work the system in Oswald Cobblepot’s favor. 

Joker stood up once more with Harley next to him. “If you all will excuse us, we’ll go have a quick talk with Gotham’s finest. Since we have hostages, is there anything anyone wants as part of our negotiations? I always love this part...I was thinking about asking for a hot air balloon with my face on it!” 

“OOh, I’m going to ask for a unicorn!” Harley giggled happily. 

Joker gasped. “Harley! That’s a great idea!” Holding Harley’s hand Joker turned around to gaze at everyone. “Well, since we’re going to make some demands, does anyone else have any demands?” 

Bane raised his hand. “I would like a red and black SUV that matches my mask.” 

Croc growled. “Twenty barrels of fish.” His stomach growled loudly in response as he added. “I skipped dinner to be here.” 

Riddler sighed. “Oh fine, since we never get what we ask for anyway, I want a 1937 green Cadillac series 75.” 

Quelle smiled. “Oh, I love that car!” 

Riddler blushed turning to look at her. “You do?” 

She nodded with a bright smile. 

Catwoman shook her head. “Nothing for me.” 

Crane grinned. “I would like a first edition signed copy of Sleepy Hollow.” 

Batman growled. “You are all going to Arkham tonight!” 

Harley giggled and did an impressive Batman impression. “You are all going to Arkham tonight!” 

Joker burst out laughing, and even Robin snickered which earned him a glare from Batman. The young man frowned. “Sory, but she really did a good job on your voice.” 

Joker pressed his lips together on his giggles, kissing Harley’s cheek. “You are my treasure,” he said softly before gasping. “Oh since we’re making demands. Does anyone want pizza? I’m starved! Vindicating one’s relationship on live TV gives you an appetite, don't you agree?” 

Harley nodded her agreement, as did all the gang members and rogues. 

Joker grinned. “Come on Bob. Grab a camera and let’s go talk to Gordon and the boys in blue shall we?” He put his arm out to Harley who took it, wrapping her own arm through his with a bright smile. They hurried off with Bob following close behind them, a camera on his shoulder. 

* 

Outside, the Gotham PD looked nervously at the building they had surrounded, then all of them looked over at Commissioner Gordon. No one liked a hostage situation, but they all liked it even less when Joker and Harley Quinn were involved. 

Gordon glared at the building, which was a five story building, full of windows. There were so many ways this could go wrong. 

He hadn’t seen or heard from Batman since before the Dark Knight headed here ahead of him, which annoyed him. He liked to have at least a little bit of a heads up about what the man planned on doing, but, since he had no idea, then Gordon was going to carry on as he would if Batman didn’t exist. 

Gordon glared at the building just as one of his newest officers came over. “Sir…” 

“What is it?” Gordon growled while glaring at the building before looking down at the young woman, a pretty little brunette with freckles who looked like she was no more than sixteen years old. 

When had they gotten so young? Gordon asked himself. Or maybe he was just getting old, he thought with a wry sniff. 

“Sir, Batman is in the studio along with Robin, Nightwing, and Batgirl…” She looked uncomfortable. 

“Spit it out Officer…” He frowned looking at her tag. “Philips…” 

“Ah, they’ve been captured,” Officer Philips stated. 

Gordon looked shocked, then annoyed. “God fucking damn it,” he hissed. 

Officer Philips looked slightly scared, as if she were going to get in trouble for delivering the news. 

Gordon sighed. “Thanks Philips, let me know if anything else changes.” 

She nodded and quickly hurried off. 

Gordon glared at the building. Great, so instead of two hostages the clowns now had six. He growled to himself, muttering under his breath. “Goddamn vigilantes, goddamn clowns, goddamn scarecrows, wrestlers, and crocodile men...and goddamn Gotham.” When he retired he was going to retire someplace outside of Gotham, in the country, where his closest neighbor was miles and miles away. 

He sighed and calmed himself before he held the bullhorn up to his mouth. He was about to shout into it when he saw a window on the third floor open. A short clown appeared, it took Gordon a moment to see who it was, Archie the clown, (no last name that Gordon was aware of) one of Joker’s henchmen. Archie had been with the Joker for a while, which surprised Gordon. Joker went through gang members like they were candy. There must be something about Archie that Joker liked because he had clearly joined the rank of favored clowns like Jonny Frost and Bob. 

Archie held his own bullhorn up to his mouth and announced to the cops below just as the cops had moved a spotlight onto the window. “Presenting your hosts for the evening: The Clown Prince and Princess of Crime, The Joker and Harley Quinn.” This was followed by Archie throwing out confetti which made all the officers outside yelp and duck for a moment before they realized it was confetti--and nothing worse--being thrown at them. 

Gordon didn’t move. He was used to the clowns’ nonsense. 

Joker and Harley Quinn appeared in the window, both dressed in red. 

Joker yelled down, waving along with Harley. “Hey!! How is everyone tonight?!! My lady wife and I are so glad you guys all came out to see our show!!” 

Gordon started to say something when he noticed the camera and Bob standing behind Joker and Harley Quinn. Just fucking great, he thought. 

He sighed, placing the bullhorn in front of his mouth. “Joker, Harley Quinn--I need you to release your hostages!” 

Harley leaned out the window a little and yelled back. “We don’t have any hostages! We have some guests who came to defend us to the public, but no hostages!” 

Joker nodded grinning at Harley. “That’s right Gordo! We only have some guests. Hey, you wouldn’t wanna come on our show and tell Gotham what a great couple we are would you?” 

Gordon muttered under his breath, “Fucking…” He bit down on his anger and held the bullhorn up. “Joker, Harley, I am here to negotiate the release of your hostages!” 

* 

Joker glanced at Harley. “He really is sort of single-minded isn’t he?” He made a face. “Release the hostages first...like I haven’t played this game before.” He shook his head. “Gordon continues to treat us like we’re amateurs...it’s insulting.” 

“Well, puddin, he is a cop--and as commissioner, he’s also a bit of a politician.” Harley shrugged. “I suppose it’s cruel of us to expect too much from him.” 

Joker nodded. “Yeah...you’re right sweets. Poor Gordon has limited skills and vocabulary. He really should think about retiring, but that being said, he is still fun to play with.” He chuckled. “His face turns so red when he gets angry, it still makes me laugh every time! I love it!” 

Giggling, Harley looked down at the cops. “Wow, that’s a lot of them down there…” 

Joker grinned. “Oh and look…” He pointed and Harley could see come vans at the edges of the parking lot and in the street from the other local news station as well as a helicopter in the air. 

“We’re gonna be televised all over!!” He clapped his hands. “I love it when we get so much news coverage!” He turned to one side ,presenting Harley with his profile. “Which side is my good side sweets?” 

“They are all your good side puddin,” Harley purred, reaching up to drag her finger down his long pointed nose. 

Joker purred, leaning into her touch. “You’re right sweets. All I have are good sides!” 

Harley giggled, brushing her hands down the front of her dress. “How do I look puddin?” 

“Gorgeous my pumpkin poo, you always look gorgeous. The prettiest woman in all of Gotham. No, no,” he corrected himself. “The prettiest woman in all the world.” He pulled her close, kissing her passionately, first dragging his tongue over her red lips, his hands going around her, sliding up her back as he walked her back against the side of the window frame. 

Harley made a soft moan as he pressed her against the corner, his tongue sliding into her mouth to slowly slide against her tongue. She grasped his waist under his jacket, her hands digging into the material as Joker moved his mouth over hers. The kiss sent deep, warm pulses through her body. 

Joker brought one hand around, sliding his fingers along her waist then slowly up the front of her dress, snaking up over her breast, his fingers caressing the place where the material of her dress pressed against her soft skin, causing her skin to goosebump. His lips moved from her mouth to brush his warm, soft lips along her jaw, then, as she arched her head back, his lips glided down her throat until he found her pulse. Gently Joker pressed his teeth against her pulse followed by a gentle brush of his tongue before he sucked on the sweetness of her skin. 

Harley moaned pulling him closer to her, her eyes fluttering as he continued to lick her throat, cupping her breast and stroking her skin. 

Joker growled against her throat. “I love you pumpkin...my sweets…” 

Harley purred. “Oh puddin…” She reached up to stroke her fingers through his green hair. “...I love you my puddin…” 

Bob smiled filming them and getting a nice close up. 

* 

Down below Officer Philips and Officer Chow were watching the screen getting the best view as the clowns’ kiss was televised over the air for everyone to see, while a smaller screen in the corner showed the hostages and the other villians inside the studio who seemed to simply be having a conversation. 

Chow frowned blinking at the image of Joker and Harley making out. “That is one damn pornographic kiss.” 

Office Philips muttered. “Damn...wish my guy kissed me like that.” 

Officer Chow laughed. “Wish my guy kissed me like that too.” 

They both blushed and laughed, keeping their chuckles low, knowing if Gordon heard them they would be on desk duty. 

Gordon didn’t hear the two of them. Instead, he frowned up at the window, then rolled his eyes when he saw those two psychopathic clowns making out in the window like a couple of teenagers. 

“God damn fucking horny clowns…” He held the bullhorn up. “HEY!!! STOP THAT!!” 

For a moment Gordon felt like he had whenever he would catch Barbara making out on the couch with that kid Dick Grayson. 

He sighed. He was too fucking old for this. 

* 

Joker had moved back to Harley’s mouth, their tongues twisting slowly. At the same time he pressed up against her, his erection hard in his slacks, the cops, Batman, Dr. Pinel, all of them momentarily forgotten as he kissed Harley, thinking about dropping to his knees and getting under her skirts. He grinned as he thought about his tongue on her sex, listening to the delightful noises she made while he licked her and sucked… 

His pleasurable chain of thought was disturbed as Gordon’s annoyed voice broke through Joker’s lust-filled brain. 

He frowned, pulling away from Harley and looking out the window. “Oh, shoot, forgot all about them,” he muttered. 

Harley giggled and sighed. Her lips tingled from his kiss and her body was on fire. 

She glared out at Gordon. “Party pooper.” 

Joker grinned at her brushing her cheek. “We’ll pick that up later sweets.” 

He turned his attention back to the police commissioner. “Hey Pops!! I thought you were at work!” 

Gordon yelled through the bullhorn. “I’M NOT YOUR DAD!!” 

Joker laughed then leaned out the window. “Fine Pops, be that way! So, are you ready for our demands?” 

Gordon yelled back at them through the bullhorn. “I’ve been ready!!” 

“Good, okay...our first demand is that Harley and I want you to go on record about our relationship…” Joker started, but Gordon yelled through the bullhorn back. 

“WHAT? I will not…” 

“Now now Gordon, you know me and Harley almost as well as Batman, so I’m sure you have an opinion. We want to hear it!!” Joker pointed down at him. “If not, I’m going to toss a hostage out the window.” 

Harley giggled, clapping her hands. “Let’s do Batgirl first--we can see if she can fly.” 

Joker laughed at her. “Harley! You’re terrible...of course that’s one of the many reasons I love you.” He lightly booped her nose. 

Harley grinned at him as Gordon, who had lowered the bullhorn, growled looking at his people, then behind him at the press, followed by glancing at the helicopter that had flown by for another pass. 

This was god damn irritating and, well, embarrassing. 

He hated those clowns. 

“FINE!” he yelled back, holding the bullhorn up. “What do you want me to say?” 

Joker made a face at him. “We want you to tell the truth…And remember, there are cameras rolling!!” 

To emphasize this, Bob leaned out the window a little with the camera. 

Gordon groaned dropping the bullhorn to his side again. Why...why did he have to be in Gotham? He asked himself that question every day. 

He took a deep breath. Okay fine, the truth. Whatever needed doing to secure the release of the hostages. 

“You’re a couple of nutcases who should be thrown in Arkham Asylum and someone should lose the key so that the two of you never get out!” he said through the bullhorn. “You both need to be kept sedated at all times as far as I’m concerned!” 

Harley pointed at him. “HEY! That is not what we asked!! Go get BATGIRL!” Harley put her fists on her hips. “We’re gonna see if she can fly!” 

Gordon threw a hand out. “Okay, okay...Your relationship...okay...well...I suppose you two are as in love as any two people I’ve ever seen, even if you’re both completely psychotic. I…” He flushed crimson. “I...I understand a little about relationships, my first wife and I got divorced because I was married to my job...” He groaned. “...you and Joker...well...you work together so I suppose that strengthens your relationship…” 

Joker yelled out. “I didn’t know you were divorced!!” 

Gordon called back. “The divorce was finalized six months ago; we’ve been separated for a couple of years now.” 

“Ouch,” Harley said then asked. “So was it only the job??!” 

Gordon groaned. “I am not talking about my relationship with you two!” 

Harley yelled back. “So you were a workaholic?” 

“I said we are not discussing my relationship with the likes of you two!” Gordon called, though Harley yelled back. “You do remember I used to be a psychiatrist! I might be able to help identify your relationship problems! Maybe you and Mrs. Commissioner can fix your marriage?!” 

Gordon grew annoyed and yelled back. “I’m seeing someone else all right!!” 

Joker and Harley both squealed together yelling at the same time. “WHO??” 

“That is none of your business!!” Gordon hollered back, aware that everyone was watching him. Why did he reveal that, he had to wonder. Definitely too old and too tired for this work. 

Joker giggled, raising his green eyebrows as he glanced from Harley to the commissioner. “Commissioner Gordon, did you have an infidelity?” 

“I said I’m not discussing this with you!” Gordon yelled, clearly becoming angrier. 

Joker giggled. “All right fine...though you have to tell us sometime what happened to your marriage. I really wanna know. Harley and I like to be up on all the Gotham gossip.” 

Gordon wanted to say fuck you, but instead yelled back. “All right, so you and Harley Quinn…” He sighed. “I admit, I’ve not seen a lot of criminal couples who go to the lengths the two of you go to in order to be together. I’ve also seen a lot of criminal couples who break up fairly quickly, especially after getting arrested. One partner usually turns on the other, but you two never have. If anything, you two seem to become stronger, close ranks.” Gordon twisted his lips together. “I will also admits that when I first heard that you had a girlfriend, I thought that it was just someone for you to use and throw away, that the first chance you got, you would use her for a shield, some murderous prank or that you would just get bored with her and kill her, but you haven't. I also thought that Dr. Quinzel was a poor, sick woman who needed attention or thought she could somehow change you, but over the last few years I’ve come to realize that she genuinely loves you for who and what you are since she has never tried to change you. So...yes, it seems to be that you two are in love with each other.” Gordon sighed. “There...so are you going to give me one of your hostages?” 

Joker grinned brightly. “Aw...Gordon. That was so sweet...and no, didn’t say we would give you a hostage, just said that was our first demand. What we said was that if you didn’t say something about our relationship we were going to throw a hostage from the window.” 

Harley giggled. “Yep, that’s what we said. Now...for our other demands.” 

Gordon dropped the arm holding the bullhorn and let out a string of curses that would have made Batman blush. 

* 

While Joker and Harley were gone, Nightwing worked quickly to cut his bonds. 

Riddler was distracting (and annoying) everyone as he told some riddles waiting with glee for someone to answer them before answering them himself. 

Dr. Pinel continued to look angry instead of scared and Halley Harrleson was...well Nightwing wondered if the woman would be returning to the air after this. 

Nightwing glanced over at Batman, who glanced at Nightwing's ropes. He could see the young man was nearly free. He nodded to let him know he was ready for whatever Nightwing had planned. 

That was when they all heard Joker’s voice ring out as he and Harley walked back into the studio, holding hands. 

“Well, that went well. Did any of you know that Commissioner Gordon was divorced?” Joker asked. 

Riddler raised his hand. “Yeah I did. I overheard him talking about his divorce with another cop when they had me in the back of one of their police cruisers a few months back. I think he was having an affair with a fellow officer.” 

Quelle nodded. “Yeah, I think it’s that Sarah Essen. When she was booking me, they kept exchanging looks…” She raised her eyebrows with a significant expression in her eyes. 

Bane chuckled. “I did not think the old man had it in him to have more than one woman. Good for him.” 

Crane chuckled. “Well he apparently didn’t have it in him--he got divorced.” 

“The best way to solve that is not to ever get married,” Croc added with a shake of his head. “Then no one gets hurt.” 

“Hey!! I’m married,” Joker said with a frown, but Croc only chuckled. 

“You and Harley are the exception. You two are soul mates,” Croc replied. 

“Well we gave the list of the demands,” Harley said as Joker led them back to their thrones, kissing her knuckles as he took his seat, but instead of putting her on her throne, Joker let her go as she walked over to Dr. Pinel, lifting up the skirt of her dress to pull out a knife that she had attached to her thigh. 

Batman stiffened. “What are you doing Harley?” 

Harley smiled at him. “I’ve decided to give Monica one more chance to take back what she said about us since I really don’t think Gordon is going to get me a unicorn...or the pizza.” Harley worked on the ropes. “We are going to face off, woman to woman and Monica here is going to take back everything she said and apologize.” 

Monica didn’t say anything as Harley cut her ropes. 

Bane sighed. “Why do they never get the pizza?” 

Joker laughed. “Because the Gotham PD is cheap.” 

Dr. Pinel watched Harley as she pulled her out of the seat and walked behind her, cutting away her ropes. Once she was free Harley walked around, stopping in front of Monica, her head tilted slightly to the side. 

They looked at each other, standing in the middle of the studio stage, everyone watching. 

Nightwing was trying to cut faster. He didn’t think this was going to go well... 

Monica Pinel, formerly Monica Pazinki, glared at Harley Quinn, the former Dr. Harleen Quinzel. 

Monica rubbed her lips together while at the same time she rubbed her wrists as she seemed to be thinking about what she was going to say. 

Harley smiled at the other woman, though the smile didn’t reach her blue eyes. “All you have to do is say you were wrong Monica, that my puddin and I love each other and you can walk out of here and this is all over.” Harley’s voice was low, an edge of menace in it. 

Batman tensed. 

Joker only grinned brightly. 

Monica’s hand snapped out so quickly that on one saw what she had done until the sound of the slap across Harley’s face echoed through the studio. 

Monica hissed, spittle spraying with each word. “You slutty cunt! You were never good enough in college to make good grades without being a slut who could never find love and so you whored yourself to a psychotic clown! You’ll never been anything but a broken, wannabe clown whore too stupid to see that no one could ever love you!” 

Harley reached up and touched the reddening mark on her face where Monica had slapped her. 

Joker was stiff in his chair. The urge to kill Monica felt strong, but he sensed he needed to let Harley do this herself. He grabbed a hold of the arms on his throne, his already white knuckles whiter as he struggled to stop himself from moving. 

Batman stiffened as Nightwing tried to work faster. The young man was close to being able to make a move. 

Harley smiled, but this time the grin reached her blue eyes. “It doesn't matter what you say Monica because I know Joker loves me, and I love him. You are just a pathetic woman who could never face the fact that I was always better than you. That’s why you said all those lies about me in college, because you couldn’t face the fact that I was better than you, better grades, better work ethic, and I worked for those grades just like anyone else--I studied hard. Well you know what? It doesn’t matter what you think. I only now realized that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about me and my puddin, because it only matters to us.” 

Harley moved in a blur. She reached forward, grabbing Monica by the shoulder pulling her forward while at the same time she shoved her knife to the hilt into Monica’s chest. 

Batman yelled. “HARLEY!! NO!!” 

Joker laughed, clapping his hands. “Harley YES!!” 

Everyone else in the studio was quiet. 

Harley held Monica to her as the other woman jerked while Harley stabbed her again and again, shoving the knife into her chest before holding the blade and Monica. 

Harley whispered. “There you go Monica. I filled the hole in your heart that made you such a miserable bitch.” 

That was the moment Nightwing freed himself and sprang to his feet. 

Riddler yelled, “HE’S FREE!!” He pointed at Nightwing and gripped his cane. 

Chaos erupted as everyone surged to their feet just as Harley yanked her knife out of Monica’s chest letting the woman fall as Halley Harrleson began screaming. 

Joker’s laughter rose above everything else.


	6. In the End

Nightwing moved swiftly, throwing several tiny acid pellets at Batman and the rest of his allies. Just enough acid was contained in the small pellets to burn away the ropes and maybe burn their suits a little, but it was all he had time to do before he was grabbed from behind by Bane. 

Batgirl launched herself out of her chair, breaking her weakened ropes at the same time. She moved in a blur, her fist connecting with Riddler’s nose before he had time to react. Quelle screamed and jumped Batgirl, and the two women went down to the floor becoming tangled as they fought. Robin broke free, but instead of going after someone he threw down several pellets that burst into smoke. Within seconds, the entire sound stage was obscured by smoke. Folks watching at hom could only make out hints of combat. 

Batman was immediately on his feet, bursting free from his ropes the moment the acid had eaten through them enough. He charged for Harley, slammed into her, both of them going down and sliding across the floor. Harley lost her hold on her knife, which went skidding across the floor. 

Joker yelled, panic filling his voice when he lost sight of her and Batman in the smoke. “HARLEY!!” 

He ran after them, ducking as Croc took a swipe at Robin who slid under the big reptilian man’s arm and scissored his feet, catching the large man by surprise and sending him stumbling toward the audience of goons who were swarming down from their seats like ants toward the fight. 

Joker was forced to duck and weave as Crane rose out of the smoke--whose scarecrow mask looked terrifying in the smoke, Joker had to admit, though he never would aloud. 

Crane threw his arms out wide, and several needles flew from him like darts, several of them hitting Nightwing in the chest even as he broke free of Bane’s hold. 

Joker pushed past them just as Batgirl emerged from the smoke fighting with Catwoman, the two women moving across the smoke-filled stage like they were tangled in an intricate dance. 

While he kept moving, Joker caught a glimpse of Riddler, unconscious and being dragged from the stage by Quelle who had a bloody lip. 

As Joker continued to dodge and duck his way toward where he hoped Harley and Batman were, he noticed that Penguin and Lark were gone. 

Joker was always impressed with how quick that fat little bird could disappear. 

There were sounds of struggle all around him, the smoke surprisingly thick. He nearly tripped over Monica’s body, only avoiding her prone form at the last second to hop over her. It was hard to locate anyone, there was so much smoke and yelling, but just as he was becoming discouraged, fear that his girl had been taken away and causing the blood in his veins to turn to ice, he saw the dark form of Batman loom through the smoke. Harley was on his back, beating at his head with her fists when Batman grasped her wrists and threw her off. She flipped in the air and landed on her feet before spinning around. She lunged forward and lashed out with her foot, aiming at Batman’s head. Batman grabbed her by the ankle and flung her away again, but Harley flipped in the air, landed on her feet again. She spun and attacked Batman with a series of quick spins that involved her legs and her fists, the dress doing nothing to slow her down. She looked fierce, her hair having come loose, her teeth held in a sneer as she fought the black clad vigilante. 

Batman weaved, avoiding her kicks and punches (which looked even more impressive and sexy in the ball gown she was wearing, Joker thought) using his forearms to block her, before he lashed out and kicked her feet out from under her. Harley yelped, though at the same time she grabbed at him, grasped his cowl, pulling Batman down with her, both of them hitting the floor with hard thunks. For a few tense seconds the two of them struggled on the floor wrestling each other as Batman tried to pin her and Harley tried to hurt him, when Harley got the upper hand. 

She disentangled herself from Batman, sliding on her back against the slick floor. She brought her legs up and kicked him in the face, knocking his head to the side, one of her heels cutting across his cheek. She sprang to her feet just as Batman did, his nose bloody, his upper lip split, but she didn’t move fast enough before Batman slugged her across the face, causing Harley to spin with the punch. She fell to the floor, her nose bloody, a pressure cut across her cheek and her bottom lip split. 

“HEY BATSY!! GET AWAY FROM MY GIRL!!” Joker yelled drawing Batman’s attention. He grinned and waved with the fingers of one hand while he pulled up the lapel of his jacket, aiming the flower. Batman knew what was happening a second before a stream of green acid flew out of the flower, landing in the spot where Batman had been standing only moments before. 

Joker looked around, having lost sight of the Bat in the smoke. “Batsy, you really should be ashamed of yourself! Hitting my wife like that...I just might have to kill you because no one lays a hand on my girl.” Joker's jovial voice had an edge of steel in it. 

In the smoke, watching, Batman heard that edge to Joker’s voice. It was clear to Batman, after having interacted with the psychotic clown over the years, that Joker was angry--extremely angry. 

Joker looked around carefully, slowly pulling two knives out of his jacket as he turned slowly. He thought he heard a sound, a slight creak of Batman’s armor, picked up over the other sounds only because Joker had heard that sound hundreds of times before. He spun toward the sound, throwing out his arm. The knife held in his hand sliced at the air just as Batman emerged from the smoke. 

Batman leaned back, barely avoiding the knife’s edge, but Joker was quick, moving with the skill and grace of a viper. He lunged in, but Batman grabbed his outstretched arm and flipped Joker over his shoulder. 

The clown landed on his back with a painful gasp. Batman was on him in a second, slamming his fist into Joker’s face, blooding his lip and nose, but before he could land another punch there was a scream and Harley leapt out of the darkness to land on Batman’s back, her arms around his throat. 

Reaching behind him Batman grabbed her and hauled her over his shoulder breaking her grip on his throat before he tossed her; she flew over his head to land hard on the floor. Joker moved with surprising speed, rolling backwards away from Batman only to come up in a crouch slashing at him again with one of his knives. The clown moved like a dancer, though this time the blade cut through the fiber armor that protected Batman’s stomach, cutting into flesh. It wasn’t a deep wound, but the sudden burn of his flesh parting stung. 

Batman ignored the pain as Joker came at him again. The slender clown charged him, his arms moving in a blur as he slashed at Batman with the deadly knives in a rapid stab and slash pattern. Back and forth, alternating his attacks, from slashes to jabs, underhanded attacks, overhead, and mid-range, Joker drove Batman across the stage. Batman gritted his teeth as he dodged, ducked, weaved, and blocked, avoiding having his face or throat slashed over by mere inches. Joker was fast, probably the fastest criminal Batman had ever engaged. No one appreciated just what a deadly and competent fighter the Joker was because most people didn’t engage with him the way Batman did. The Joker was a viper, quick, and could utilize deadly strikes. Fighting with the Joker was a deadly dance that most people didn’t survive--unless, of course, the clown had other plans, such as a bad joke or plot that involved him ‘losing’ a fight. 

Batman managed just barely to snatch one of Joker’s hands, wrapping his hand painfully around the clown’s wrist only to realize it was a mistake at the last moment as Joker brought his knee up, hitting Batman in the knife wound that Joker had given to him. 

Grunting with the pain, Batman kept his hold on Joker’s wrist, barely, and yanked the clown close enough to bash him in the face with his free fist with two quick punches, one in the face, the second in the chest. Joker simply laughed, spitting blood, but before Batman could hit the laughing clown for a third time, Harley appeared at his side, and this time she had her knife in her hand. 

She looked deadly, blood on her face, dripping down her chin, her red dress and flashing blue eyes made her both beautiful and vicious. Batman caught a glimpse of the blade in her hand just before she slammed the entire blade, to the hilt in Batman’s shoulder. 

Batman gasped. That pain was a shock, but the sudden thrust of the blade that deep into his shoulder caused him to lose his grip on Joker, dropping the clown as his arm gave out. 

Harley left her knife in Batman’s shoulder and hurried to grab Joker, helping him to his feet. “Come on puddin, we need to go!” 

* 

Outside Officer Philips had run over to Commissioner Gordon the moment Nightwing had gotten free. 

“Sir!! Sir!! Nightwing is free! He threw something and I think the others are free, it's hard to tell what's going on because the place is suddenly filled with smoke blocking out the cameras, but it looks like there’s a fight going on.” Officer Philips looked wide-eyed at Gordon who grinned at the building before he turned to the police officers and yelled motioning with his arm. “We’re moving in!!” 

* 

Harley looked around frantically, but she was having a hard time seeing clearly and it was difficult to tell where they were in the studio. There was so much smoke! She kept a tight hold of Joker’s hand, terrified of losing him in the chaos. 

The fire alarms had started to go off just a few minutes ago, adding to the chaos of the moment making it hard to hear anything. She thought she heard someone shout out a command, but she couldn’t be sure. The police might have just raided the building, she realized. 

Joker suddenly tugged on her hand. “This way sweets!” 

Harley let Joker pull her along, trusting her puddin to know what he he was doing. 

They heard running footsteps and Joker yanked Harley down. The two of them crab walked back behind some stage equipment and crouched down. Joker released her hand, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. Harley pressed her face against his shoulder. Her heart was beating quickly and her face hurt from Batman hitting her. She could taste blood in her mouth and felt the inside of her cheek and lip were raw and stung. 

Joker had his eyes narrowed as he squinted through the smoke. He could see shadows and occasionally he would spot one of Gotham’s finest moving through the smoke, followed by shouting. 

He heard a gunshot go off followed by the sound of Batman yelling, “NO SHOOTING!!” 

Joker grinned. Good, the police would keep Batman busy. He hoped their friends got away, he would really hate for any of them to get sent to Arkham after coming here to defend their relationship, but those were the breaks. He frowned slightly wondering at his sudden sense of responsibility? Pity? Ew. 

He counted to ten, and when he saw no one else, he reached down and took Harley’s hand again, leading her out of the studio. If Frost and Bob had remembered the plan (Joker planned for everything) they should have gotten outside and would have the getaway car waiting for them though the door used by the janitorial staff. Joker figured nearly all of the cops were in the building with only a handful outside--easy to handle. 

Pulling Harley along, Joker reached into his jacket and pulled out one grenade. It looked almost exactly like the ones that Archie had been juggling, but this one he knew was filled with his Joker gas. He slid his thumb into the ring (he did so love those old fashioned touches) and hurried toward the main door of the studio. He kicked the door open, the two of them stumbling outside into the “clean” Gotham air. 

As he predicted, there were only a handful of cops out here, five to be exact. They all drew their weapons at once. 

“Stop right there!! Put your hands up Joker!!! Harley Quinn!!” one of them yelled. 

The cops all seemed to tense further when they realized that they were indeed holding their weapons on the Joker and Harley Quinn. Joker laughed. He loved how scared the cops got, it was so funny! 

Harley gasped, but Joker only smiled wider, his voice becoming jovial. “Of course, whatever you say.” 

He put their joined hands up with Harley putting her free hand into the air just as Joker put his hand that held the grenade up. 

Harley muttered. “Damn it.” 

Joker whispered. “Don’t you worry sweets, we are not ending up in Arkham tonight.” 

The cops who had yelled the order frowned yelling again. “Show me what’s in your hand!!” 

Joker smiled innocently. “Are you sure?” 

The cop raised his gun higher, the others following suit. “I said show me what’s in your hand!” 

Joker shrugged. “Okay officer, if you insist!” He pulled his thumb up, yanking the ring from the grenade at the same time he threw it. 

The officer who had been giving all the commands yelled. “GET DOWN!!” 

The grenade hit the pavement and thick green smoke poured from it rapidly to obscure the Gotham police officers’ view of the clowns. 

Joker turned and ran, pulling Harley with him just as the gas hit the cops. The first laugh started as a giggle, but within seconds the giggles had turned into full-bodied laughs and guffaws with an edge of pain to them. 

Joker laughed as he rounded the building, his grin growing when he saw the car waiting for them. He hurried over, Frost reaching behind his seat to pop the back door open. Joker tossed Harley into the car ahead of him before he threw himself in after her, reaching over to slam the door closed. 

“Let’s go boys!” Joker laughed. 

Bob turned around to grin at the two of them, giving them a thumbs up as Frost peeled out of the alley and headed for the streets, putting the studio behind them. 

* 

Frost drove them home. 

Harley leaned against Joker’s shoulder smiling. “That was fun,” she said breathlessly. “I’ve never loved killing someone as much as I loved killing Monica Pazinki.” She said the dead woman’s name like she was spitting. 

Joker nodded. “It was. Now if anyone has any doubts about our feelings for one another or how I treat you, they are just stupid.” A small frown creased his features. “We’d just have to come to their house and set them straight. I mean, even Batman came to our defense!” 

Harley giggled snuggling close. “Yeah, that really surprised me.” 

Joker chuckled. “Not me. B-man has a major stick up his ass, but he’s always all about the truth and other nonsense like that...so I’m not the least bit surprised. Besides, he’s like my best friend! Of course he came to bat for us!” 

Harley giggled, not bothering to remind her puddin that Batman did not see Joker as his best friend. 

* 

Once they arrived home, Joker hopped out of the car before reaching in and taking Harley’s hand to guide her out. Once she was on her feet though, he grabbed her up in a bridal carry, causing her to yelp in surprise. 

“All right boys, you go get some sleep and we’ll see you tomorrow. You both should get yourselves a drink or something, ya did good tonight,” Joker said with a proud grin. 

Frost smiled leaning against the roof of the car. “Sure thing Boss. Glad you both were able to prove that doctor wrong. You two are the best couple I’ve ever seen.” 

Joker laughed as Harley smiled. “Oh, thank you Frost.” 

Bob nodded his agreement. 

Frost smiled at Bob before he yawed and said softly, “See you in the morning Boss, Miss Quinn.” He motioned at Bob who waved happily at them before the two men headed inside. 

Joker turned his attention back to Harley and grinned. His face was bloody, but he looked so handsome she thought. Her Joker. 

“You my lady wife, got yourself beat up by Batman tonight, you deserve to be carried.” Joker purred as he headed toward the door. “Besides, in this dress it only seemed the proper response!” 

Harley giggled. “Yeah, he did beat me up good, but he beat you up too puddin.” 

“Yes, but you were glorious my sweets! Jumping on his back like that! The knife in his shoulder!! Made me hard just watching you.” Joker waggled his eyebrows as he carried her up the stairs. 

Harley laughed, laying her head against his shoulder. “Watching you cut him puddin, made me wet.” 

Joker growled softly and whispered. “Good, I plan on taking advantage of that.” 

* 

Joker carried her up the stairs to their private room, kicking the door closed behind them. He didn’t bother to flip the light switch, navigating the room by the dim light of a few electronic devices and a small, jellyfish lamp. He carried his wife to the bedroom where he gently laid her down on the bed. “You wait right there.” 

Harley nodded watching as he hurried into their bathroom, kicking his shoes off as he went. He hop-danced across the floor a little as he kicked off one shoe then struggled a second with the other before he kicked it across the room into the darkness. 

Harley smiled after him as she reached down and removed her shoes, wiggling her toes once her feet were free. She frowned, noticed her nylons were torn. Damn it, she thought. She looked up just as she saw the bathroom light flick on and heard her puddin turn the water on. 

When Joker came back, he had a damp cloth in his hand and he had left the light in the bathroom on, the beam of light that poured into their room was a weak amber color. 

He had washed the blood from his face, though his nose still looked red around the edges as did his lips, especially where there was a split in the corner of his upper lip. 

“Now…” He sat down beside her. “Let me clean that up…” He very gently cleaned the blood from her face. Harley winced in places, but Joker was gentle, carefully cleaning her split lip and bruised cheek. 

Harley moved her jaw with a groan. “Man, he hits hard.” 

Joker nodded while he focused on her lip. “Yeah, he does. The man has some anger issues. He really needs to just sit down and have a talk with you, help him work that stick out of his ass. Though he’s so puckered you probably couldn’t get that stick out if you wanted to, probably have to ask that Wonder Woman person to give you a hand.” Joker spoke without cracking a smile, which only made Harley giggle, followed by a wince as he brushed gently at her split lip. 

“There my sweet pumpkin, all cleaned up.” Joker smiled, tossing the rag aside without a care where it fell. “Now, let’s get you out of that dress.” He motioned for her to stand up, his smile both sweet and slightly leering. 

Harley smiled, standing without a word of protest. Joker moved her to stand between his legs, turning her back to him. He reached up and brushed his fingers along the exposed skin of her back, his touch gentle. “You really were amazing tonight, Harley. Watching you stab that woman in the heart, then take on Batman…” He pulled the zipper of his dress down slowly. “I always love watching you, in whatever it is you decide to do,” he purred, reaching up to tug the dress down her shoulders. The gentle sound of fabric moving filled the room as the dress pooled at her feel, a wide splosh of red on the floor like a pool of blood. Joker licked his lips before using his teeth to pull his gloves off each hand. He wanted to touch her without the layer of leather between them. He tossed the gloves to the floor, his fingers nearly tingling with the urge to touch his wife. 

Gradually, he dragged the tips of his fingers down her spine, following the graceful curve of her back from between her shoulders, all the way down her back to the edge of the panties she wore. 

Harley sighed softly, her eyes fluttering closed when she felt the skin of his fingers against her. She loved when he touched her. 

Joker licked his lips. Harley’s skin was perfect, peachy pink, soft, and smooth. Joker enjoyed nothing more than touching her, losing himself in the pleasure of feeling her. He traced along the edge of her panties smiling as goosebumps appeared on her skin. 

“My sweet pumpkin poo,” he whispered, dragging the tips of his fingers along the edge of the garter belt, then slowly along her firm backside. He loved her ass, so perfectly round. He licked his lips again, any pain forgotten as he gave himself over to the simple pleasure of touching his girl. He slipped a finger under the strip of material that ran down between her ass cheeks and gently followed it down, the back of his finger brushing gently along her rear. 

Harley shivered, sucking on her bottom lip as he touched her. She was already wet and slick for him, her nipples were tight enough that they hurt a little, needing him to touch her. She crossed her arms over her sensitive breasts while Joker rubbed his finger up and down the slim piece the thong that ran between her legs, the back of his finger stroking her ass. 

Joker thought briefly about pulling a knife out and simply cutting the thong she wore in tw,o but stopped himself, reminding himself that if he cut them, then she wouldn’t have them to wear again. He would just have to take them off of her. He grinned. This was also a trial of patience on his part. 

Slowly he turned her around to face him. 

“Now, let’s get these hose off of you…” he said in a quiet, deep voice as he lifted one of her shapely legs to place her foot on the bed between his legs where her toes brushed against his balls and his suffering erection, still bound in his pants. He reached up and unsnapped the clasp of her garter belt before he slowly rolled the hose down, past her thigh, over her knee, then slowly down her calf to her ankle. He gently lifted her foot, sliding the torn hose the rest of the way off. He tossed the nylon away and lifted her foot to kiss her toes. 

Harley pressed her lips together watching him, her clitoris throbbing with the need for him to touch her. Her entire body ached for him. She wanted to push him down, rip his clothing off of him and wrap her mouth around his cock. 

Once the nylons were gone, Joker reached up and hooked her panties on either side with his forefinger and slid them down her hips to her thighs. He let go, so that Harley could wiggle out of them. 

“Mm...much better.” He grinned up at her while grasping her hips and pulled her close until her knees touched the bed. “What about my turn?” Harley whispered, reaching down to run her fingers through his hair. She loved slicking his hair back from his gorgeous face, loved how thick and beautiful her puddin’s hair was. Green had always been her favorite color. 

“In a bit my cupcake. Just let Daddy have a little taste first.” Joker winked at her as he slid his hand between her knees and pushed her legs apart, not too far, but enough that he could slide his tongue against her, groaning when he tasted how wet she was already. He pressed his face close to her, his tongue sliding between her intimate lips, finding her clitoris and flicking his tongue against her. 

Moaning, Harley arched her hips toward him at the same time that Joker’s hands slid around to cup her rear, his mouth pressing with more demand agaisnt her sex. She stroked his hair as he began to suck gently on her. 

“Oh...uh...Puddin...uh…” Harley’s knees felt weak as Joker’s tongue flicked back and forth, alternating between quick touches and agonizingly slow caresses. 

Joker groaned against her, sliding his tongue along her, then slowly licking his way back up to flick the tip of his tongue over her clitoris. He squeezed her rear, shuddering with the little sounds she made. He loved hearing her almost as much as he loved tasting her. His erection throbbed in time to her moans. He snaked a hand down the back of her thigh to her knee which he lifted, guiding her to place her leg over his shoulder. Harley, being as graceful and limber as she was, made the possibly awkward movement easy, never losing her balance. Joker groaned pulling her closer, his mouth hungry against her sex. 

His fingers danced along her leg, stroking back and forth as he sucked and licked listening to the sweet moans and groans of pleasure she made in time to the tightening and loosening of her fingers that grasped his hair. 

He glided his mouth up and down against her, kissing her sex with vigorous sucking, licking, adding a little biting when he felt her tense. She groaned when his teeth brushed against her. 

Joker’s tongue and lips were good for far more than smiling and laughing Harley thought. If Gotham only knew how good he was with that tongue of his! She grinned and bit her bottom lip, wondering if anyone realized just how talented her puddin was with his mouth. Of course if anyone guessed or asked she would just have to kill them. Joker’s skilled tongue was only for her. Smiling happily Harley ached her back, her body tensing. She could feel the warm build up as something in her was rising higher with each flick of his tongue. The flicks seemed to follow the beat of her rapidly beating heart until she shuddered all over, tensing for one last moment before breaking. 

Harley came with a cry, her fingers buried in his hair. 

Joker yanked her close when she climaxed, wanting to taste every bit of her excitement. He groaned against her sex, licking up her juices, covering his mouth and chin with her until he thought he might burst inside his pants. When he felt her ease down to little quakes and quivers, Joker gently eased her leg off his shoulder and down to the floor. 

“Okay--now I’ll undress.” Joker waggled his eyebrow at her much like Groucho Marx. 

“Hold that thought for a moment!” Harley moved quickly to her side of the bed despite the fact that she felt like her knees would give out after that shattering orgasm. 

Joker frowned at her, but he shrugged and reached down to pull his socks off. He had just removed his jacket when Harley called out. 

“STOP!” 

Joker frowned and turned his head around just as some slow, sensual music began to play. Harley hurried back over and sat down on the edge of the bed next to him, pushing him off the bed. 

“Okay, now start over...” She shoved him to his feet. “...but go slow.” 

Joker smiled amused at her as he stood, but if a striptease was what she wanted, well, that was what Harley was going to get. Moving in time with the music, Joker smiled at her, looking just as hot and handsome as he always did despite the bruises forming on his face. He moved his hips slowly while at the same time he worked the buttons free of his vest, sliding out of the vest, doing a turn before he tossed the garment aside. 

Harley watched with wide eyes as he swayed sided to side, running his fingers down the front of his shirt. He spun around again, his back to her, his hips moving to the music. Harley was mesmerized by the sway of his ass so she almost wasn’t prepared when he spun around and tossed his tie at her. 

She grabbed the tie out of the air with a squeal, clapping her hands with glee. 

Joker wrinkled his nose playfully at her and slowly unbuttoned his shirt. Once he had finished with the buttons, he pulled the shirt off one shoulder, rolling his bare shoulder while giving Harley a coy look before he did the same with the opposite shoulder, batting his eyelashes at her. He slid the shirt off his arms, dropping the garment to the floor and turned around once more to present his back to her. 

Harley clapped her hands, watching him intently as he pulled his belt free, and tossed it to the side while continuing to sway his hips. When he started to pull his slacks off, Harley groaned. Her puddin was the sexiest man alive! She giggled with delight as he leaned over, his rear in the air and yanked his pants down to his ankles. 

He was wearing a pair of blue and pink polka dot boxer shorts underneath. 

Without straightening up, Joker wiggled his ass at her, looking at her from between his legs with a huge smile on his lips. Harley laughed and blew him kisses. 

Stepping out of his pants, Joker turned around, undulating his body, green curls falling across his pale brow as he ran his hands down his body, lingering over his stomach before he hooked his thumbs into the band of his boxer shorts. He gave Harley a lopsided grin, waggling his eyebrows once more before he yanked his boxers down and announced: 

“Release the Kraken!!” 

Harley burst out laughing. “What??” 

“Oh sorry…” He dropped his voice a few octaves. “Release the Leviathan!!” 

Harley fell backwards on the bed laughing. “Nooo!!!” 

Joker walked over to her and jumped onto the bed, grabbed her wrists and yanked her arms over her head, the entire bed bouncing with his added weight. “Are you suggesting that my penis is not a leviathan? I think I might have been insulted my sweets!” 

Harley giggled, her eyes bright with tears of laughter. “Well if it is, it ain’t getting into my cave of wonders puddin!” 

Joker smiled slowly. “Ooo...the cave of wonders, eh?” He brushed his nose against hers and purred. “I do like the sound of that...should have used that as a talking point in our debate with the now deceased Dr. Pinel...I would never abuse my opportunity to explore the cave of wonders! What kind of criminal would I be then!” Joker brushed his lips against hers making Harley smile. “I loved exploring your cave of wonders,” he murmured. “The only cave I’ve ever felt inclined to explore.” He chuckled, causing Harley to giggle softly flicking her tongue out to brush his lips. 

“Mm...so you're going to do some exploring?” she asked with a wicked grin. 

Joker released her wrists and grabbed Harley under her arms. He pulled her more firmly into the middle of the bed before lying on top of her again. 

“Mm...I do love exploring for hidden treasures…” he said in a soft tone, leaning down to brush his nose and lips against her throat. 

Harley closed her eyes, smiling as Joker’s breath tickled her skin. “I love you,” he whispered against her throat, his lips pressing against the beat of her heart in her throat. 

Harley stroked her hands down his back and whispered with her eyes closed. “I’ll always choose you puddin, no matter what the world does to us, I’ll always be yours, I’ll always choose you.” 

Joker leaned on his elbows looking down at her, his fingers brushing back her hair. “I’ll always choose you my sweets, my pumpkin pie. You complete me,” he growled softly. 

Harley cupped his face between her hands and opened her eyes to stare up at him. “I love you puddin.” She said the words with such a feeling that it broke his heart a little. 

He reached down between them, guiding his erection into her. Harley groaned and arched her back as he entered her. 

He thrust deep, holding himself still for a moment, his eyes partly closed before he began to thrust, slowly reaching down to stroke her hip, sliding up her leg as she wrapped her limb around his waist. He sat back, pulling Harley with him so that she was sitting partly on his lap. 

Harley groaned holding onto his shoulder while she undulated her hips, thrusting herself down on his erection while kissing him. Groaning, Joker slid his hands to her hips, holding her down on his erection while she moved. She was tight and slick, her skin warm and soft. He hissed with pleasure, staring into her eyes. 

The light from the bathroom made their skin glow--Joker’s a ghostly white, Harley’s a soft peach. He dropped her back down to the bed, thrusting slow and deep as Harley brought her legs up, her heels pressing into his rear as she thrust up to meet him, her mouth hot on his as her fingers slid into his hair. 

They both groaned, the bed squeaking loudly with their lovemaking. Joker pressed his body down on her, thrusting, undulating with her, his eyes half-closed as he stared down at her. 

“My sweet girl...my girl…” he groaned and began thrusting a little harder. 

Harley reached up to trace his lips, then glided her finger along his long nose. She hissed with pleasure, groaning softly. “My puddin...oh...puddin.” 

Joker pressed her into the bed, feeling her tighten around him as she became slicker, wetter yet. “Harley…” he groaned her named thrusting slow and deep. “My Harley…” 

Harley arched her back with a gasp. She wrapped her arms around him when she came, an intense blossom of pleasure that swelled and exploded through her. 

She cried out his name. 

Joker covered her mouth with his, swallowing her cry, tasting her tongue. There was still a hint of blood mixed with their kisses as he thrust into her, a little faster, a little harder. 

Harley wrapped her legs tighter around him, placing her hands on his chest and pushed, forcing Joker to roll over onto his back. He laughed softly, the bed creaking loudly as Harley settled herself on top of him, careful not to lose him in the roll, his erection still buried inside her. 

She wiggled a little as she grinned down at him, and her hands caressed his chest just before she started to move again, rolling her hips, grinding herself down on him. 

Joker groaned reaching up to run his hands over her breasts while gazing up at her, her blonde hair a mess of waves around her pretty face. Her lips looked slightly swollen, the blue and purple of bruises starting to form on her peaches and cream skin. He found the bruises and cuts on her sexy, even if he wasn’t pleased about why they were there. 

His girl, his Harley... 

He arched as she pressed down on him, her hands stroking his chest, and her breathless cries made him groan in response. She felt so good he thought, so good... 

Harley arched her back, reaching behind her to grasp his knees, thrusting against him, gasping as he swelled inside her. She felt a ripple of another orgasm, moving over her like a warm wave. 

She gasped, tightening around him as Joker grabbed her hips. She ground harder, panting with each movement. 

“Puddin…” she groaned, dropping forward again, dropping to her elbows, cradling his head with her arms, fingers lost in his green curls, her hair a curtain of gold around them as she kissed him deeply. 

Joker’s hands snaked down her hips, then glided along her back. He thrust up as she continued to grind down on him until she forced him to come, his orgasm yanked from him by her attentions. 

He arched and groaned against her body’s hold on him. He tightened his hold on her, pale fingers pressing into her skin when his pleasure peaked and exploded. 

He thrust up again, shuddering when he climaxed. 

* 

Neither of them bothered to get up. Joker was lying on his back, still inside Harley though any movement would probably cause him to slide out of her. One of his legs was between both of hers as she lay on her side cradled against his arm. They were staring each other, Harley gently caressing his pale face while he stroked her thigh and knee with his free hand. 

“I love you puddin…” Harley whispered. “It’s you and me until the end,” she affirmed. “I cross my heart and hope to die.” 

Joker smiled kissing Harley’s fingertips when she brushed his lips. 

“I love you sweets. You and me to the end pumpkin, always. Cross my heart and hope to die,” he vowed as he pulled her closer. “No one is ever coming between us.” He cupped her face and kissed her tenderly, laying his forehead against hers, staring into her eyes. 

“I’ll always be there for you.” 

Harley smiled. “Ditto.” 

They both laughed softly before kissing each other deeply. 

* 

The next day Vicki Vale was on the streets of Gotham. 

Everyone in Gotham had seen the broadcast last night. News of the broadcast had also made it to Metropolis. It was all anyone in Gotham and further abroad was talking about. 

Vicki Vale had thought that hitting the streets and getting down and dirty from the citizens of Gotham was a great idea. 

On screen next to Vicki appeared a young man with a sandy blonde goatee and thick old-fashioned black framed glasses. He spoke into the microphone Vicki held up with that awkward stare at the camera as if he didn’t know where to direct his eyes. 

“So, did you see the broadcast last night with Joker and Harley Quinn?” Vicki asked. 

The young man nodded leaning too far toward the microphone. “Yeah I did.” 

“So, in your opinion: do you think Joker abuses Harley Quinn?” Vicki asked into the mic before holding it back out to the young man. 

“Yeah he does! That man’s a psychopath, there’s no one he loves but himself and maybe Batman.” The man nearly yelled into the mic. “That was all just a show.” 

Next Vicki was shown standing beside two young women with orange and blue hair. “What do you think? Does Joker abuse Harley Quinn?” She held the mic out to them. 

The young woman with the blue hair nodded. “She needs to kick that clown to the curb and be her own woman. That funky clown has been manipulating her from the beginning, everyone knows it.” 

Her friend with the orange hair shook her head. “Are you kidding? Those two love each other. Look what they did to prove it. You ever seen a picture of Harley Quinn with bruises unless it’s after they tangled with Batman? No, you don’t. He don’t hit her and besides, everyone knows they have sex like at every crime they commit…” 

“That’s not love. Even if he didn’t hit her. I mean, they kill people together...” The blue-haired girl argued, but her friend shook her head. “It is love! What the hell are you talking about? They’re both nuts, so their love isn’t gonna be like anyone else's. They have like mad love ya know?” 

Vicki was next seen with an older married couple. 

The older woman nodded. “They're both crazy, but I don’t think that clown’s ever laid a hand on her. You see the way he let her lead that show? He loves her.” 

Her husband nodded. “I agree. They love each other. There isn’t any abuse there...at least between the two of them. Other people are probably fair game though.” 

Next Vicki was speaking to a middle-aged woman who yelled into the mic. “They’re crazy!! They can’t love each other! He’s just using her!!” 

A young man walking by stopped and came over, shaking his head. “You ever hear of Bonnie and Clyde ma’am? It might be messed up, but they love each other. Besides I was at one of their robberies...the way they couldn't keep their hands off each other...” He shook his head. “Nah, they love each other. Besides, Batman said it himself, Joker would never lay a hand on Harley Quinn. If you don’t believe anything else, you should believe Batman. Batman ain’t supposed to lie.” He shrugged. “So no, I don’t think the Joker abuses her.” 

Later Vicki was shown standing next to a middle-aged man. She smiled at the man standing next to her. “Burt Johnson, you were one of the security guards at Gotham First Citizen Bank, the one Joker and Harley Quinn robbed and donated the money to a shelter for victims of abuse. What is your opinion? Does the Joker abuse Harley Quinn? Do they love each other?” She held the mic out to him. 

Burt Johnson looked at the camera and smiled. 

“Yes, Joker loves Harley Quinn and she loves him. It’s weird love, not something any of us would understand, but who really understands the love of other people? That clown isn’t abusing her, and as far as I could see, there was no manipulation. Besides, Batman, the Commissioner, and all those other villains said that Joker doesn’t abuse her and that he loves her. I for one, believe it. I’ve seen them with my own eyes.” He smiled again and sighed softly. “We should all be so lucky to find someone who loves us the way those two love each other.” 

“Thank you Burt.” Vicki smiled before the camera focused on her. “Well, it’s clear opinions are divided, but if you ask this reporter, I would say that Joker and Harley Quinn are in love and don’t we all wish we could find someone who understands us on that same level, crazy or not?” 

Vickie smiled into the camera. 

* 

Lying in bed together, naked, each with a lollipop in their mouths, Harley’s head resting against his shoulder, Joker pointed at the TV screen with his sucker. 

“Okay, we won’t kill her.” 

Harley giggled snuggling closer. “Agreed puddin.”


End file.
